Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thinking on things.
This is me today, not quite all there. Luckily, I know it. So I didn't do anything that took too much brain power, because I knew it would spell disaster.
I have been thinking about those times when the road turns, and you desperately want to keep going straight on. Unfortunately, the path is clear, and straight isn't an option.
On the way to the studio this morning, I remembered one of those times. I was a young woman, about 7 months pregnant with my second child. I thought I was June Cleaver, for real. I canned all my own vegetables, raised my own chickens, baked my own bread. I was a hippie girl all grown up. I laugh now at how naive I was. But honestly, I thought my life was just as near perfect as it could be.
Then one warm June night, the breeze blew through the open windows, and something else blew in, too.
I have blips of a video leftover in my head. The Emergency Room in the local hospital. The police.
The realization that I was living with someone who had another life, one that did not include me, and one that was distasteful to me, as well. The road turned, and it took me with it.
Life as I knew it was never the same.
For a long time, I was like this barn with no walls. The wind blew right through me.
Slowly though, the door to a new life opened, and I came out of the dark.
This pond looks cold, but it never freezes. No one is sure why it doesn't. But it proves that even when you think the future looks bleak, or frightening, that sometimes miracles do happen.
I have found that place in my life, where the water is fine.
But alas, the road still turns, and I am pretty sure that it will take me with it again.
As it must.
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Welcome to my world.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as your road takes unwanted curves and hills..
Deep. Amazing. I love the photos to go with your words. Thank you for sharing. You're amazing!
Continued prayers and caring thoughts.
Wow what a powerful post. Whatever has gone on I am glad it sounds like you are coming out on the other side. Whatever is going on I hope you remember to take time for yourself and nurture your soul.
What? Nobody wants to know what happened on that warm June night when the breeze was blowing through the window?
Well, whatever it was, it made you stronger. And like the body of water that never freezes, here you are today.
Keep positive, my friend.
It seems that "things" happen for a reason. Most times we don't understand for what reason until possibly at a later date. And worrying doesn't change things. I hope you "see" where your path is going soon & get to enjoy where it takes you.
I am sending prayers and love and healing thoughts to you on that wind...and looking at the moon above tonite and hoping all the best for you.
Sometimes it's like you're the driver on the stagecoach of life with all the reins of a charging team of horses running through your fingers. You just try to be the best driver you can be. I'm so sorry for these rough snags - you are a hard-working and diligent woman and it should be better.
I wish for you that the road turns out to be sunny, with lots of lovely trees to enjoy along its edges.
Remember that many people love you and are wishing you their best.
Hoping for your miracles, Hilary...
Hello, I have read your blog for a long while but don't think I have ever commented. Catching up on your past posts...sounds like almost "Be careful what you wish for"...I too ponder on the same things...am I my own worse enemy or do I have enough sense to know what I really want? My front porch is always open for next winter....
Life deals us sharp turns in the road sometimes... all you can do is try not to end up in the ditch... thinking of you!
I can see you gritting your teeth, putting up your dukes and dealing with it, whatever "it" may be.
We've got your back. Hope that this turn in the road is breif and that there is a better veiw around the corner.
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