Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thinking on things.
This is me today, not quite all there. Luckily, I know it. So I didn't do anything that took too much brain power, because I knew it would spell disaster.
I have been thinking about those times when the road turns, and you desperately want to keep going straight on. Unfortunately, the path is clear, and straight isn't an option.
On the way to the studio this morning, I remembered one of those times. I was a young woman, about 7 months pregnant with my second child. I thought I was June Cleaver, for real. I canned all my own vegetables, raised my own chickens, baked my own bread. I was a hippie girl all grown up. I laugh now at how naive I was. But honestly, I thought my life was just as near perfect as it could be.
Then one warm June night, the breeze blew through the open windows, and something else blew in, too.
I have blips of a video leftover in my head. The Emergency Room in the local hospital. The police.
The realization that I was living with someone who had another life, one that did not include me, and one that was distasteful to me, as well. The road turned, and it took me with it.
Life as I knew it was never the same.
For a long time, I was like this barn with no walls. The wind blew right through me.
Slowly though, the door to a new life opened, and I came out of the dark.
This pond looks cold, but it never freezes. No one is sure why it doesn't. But it proves that even when you think the future looks bleak, or frightening, that sometimes miracles do happen.
I have found that place in my life, where the water is fine.
But alas, the road still turns, and I am pretty sure that it will take me with it again.
As it must.