Maybe it's the headache.
Or it's winter.
I did actually decorate a bit for the holidays.
I enjoy my house. I love it, to be sure.
I just wish I could share it with my family, but they live a ways away, and of course, they are all busy.
I saw them all at Christmas, we always get together at one of their houses, about an hour away.
But to get them all here in Kingsbury at the same time, well, that's not easy.
Work, sports, obligations......you get the idea.
It makes me sad sometimes. I try not to let it, but it does.
Time plods on, and what was is no more.
People change, children grow up, nothing stays the same for long.
Change is inevitable.
Sometimes it sucks, to be blunt.
This is my morning view, sipping my coffee, cats and dog sleeping around me, stove keeping the living room toasty.
I do a lot of thinking this time of day. It's quiet, and I contemplate my life, and think about the changes that I have experienced. Some good, oh yes.
Some not so good.
And a lot of changes were just to be expected. There was no avoiding them, they happen to everyone.
I tried to get my two oldest grand daughters to come up on Christmas break.
But that's not happening either.
They are booked solid.....busy.
And to be honest, Mimi might not be as interesting to them, as she once was.
It brings to mind other times, when they loved to come stay with me. I treasure those times.
They didn't stay that little for long, but it was an amazing time.
Now they are young ladies, just 7 years later.
Back then, I was happy to be the "paparazzi", just following them around on their adventures.
What I wouldn't give to do it all over again.
Now I see them on holidays.
And they text me.
But it isn't the same.
It's different with your own children. They were stuck with you until graduation.
But with grandkids, you are definitely less important to them as they get older.
And to be honest, it's nothing abnormal. They are just finding their own way.
Did I mention that reality sucks sometimes????
I don't want you to think that I live a miserable life.
I am happy in my little corner of the world.
I amuse myself so many ways.....making a spinach quiche for example.
Weaving a cotton "translucent windows" scarf/neck wrap.
I am never bored, I am always engaged in some pursuit that makes me feel sustained.
Maybe occasional sadness at the life gone by is a natural thing. We get older, and there is a lot more lost than our youth.
Friends, family, gone from us. Children grown up, with families of their own.
Priorities shifted, goals reached, walking a different path than one we've ever known.
In all my ponderings, and even in my dreams, I have not for sure found the answer to it all.
But I think...............I think...........it is this.
You just need to live the best life you can live, every day. You have to find your sweet spot. You have to find your own happiness.
And above all, you have to be grateful.
And I am.