Sunday, February 5, 2012


I'm sorry.  I'm not a football fan.  It just doesn't move me.  There's nothing super about it, as far as I'm concerned.
Call me a communist.

I have been very introspective lately.
I guess a 4 month pain in your head will do that, make you a SUPER sleuth in your head.  Trying to figure everything out.

When the head is screaming, I can't think at all.
But when I have a good day, then I am re-examining everything in my life.

Walking my boy Roy is a great time to ponder.

It's also a time to plan all the things I want to do, even though I know that  I can't really plan anything until this is resolved.

I feel like my life is on hold.  Every day is a crap shoot.

Today, when I woke with just a dull meanness in my head, I was so grateful that it wasn't a pounder like yesterday, I started making wild promises.
Out loud.
To no one at all.
Promises that once this headache is gone, I won't ever complain again about THIS random pain, or THAT inconvenience.
Promises that I will appreciate every single minute of my 'normal' life.

Promises that I will be satisfied with what I have, and not waste time thinking that it's not enough.

Today I am thinking about how perfect and lovely a life without a headache might be.
If there is one.

I leave you today with this, so you can go watch the Super Bowl.

Sydney's box, duct taped because her fat ass butt busted out the sides of it.
Jinx, trying it out, looking puzzled, apparently not seeing the 'fun' in it.

And me, being hopeful.  Thinking that "super" could mean something incredible.


Anonymous said...

We don't watch the Super Bowl either. Both of us could care less. Hubby and I will watch Netflix until 8pm when I want to watch PBS. So much nicer than watching grown men slam their heads into one another.

Kathy said...

I find watching the Super Bowl quite a painful experience...not making light of your headache, Hilary. My sister is here from Texas and, as a good host, we HAVE to watch. DH is reading Lancaster Farm Journal and I have a new knitting pattern to concentrate on. All the money spent on this game could help so many people...and the commercials I've seen so far are just stupid. Are WE the ones that are 'different'??????

Anonymous said...

I wish you good days. Thank goodness for duct tape--it holds my world together! Ruth Ann in OK, where the game is on but no one is watching!

Deb said...

Oh dear Sydney, I do that to my jeans sometimes. Hilary, I do hope this dr. coming up will find the answer for you. That picture of the road ahead and Roy in the lead is so familiar to me with my dog Kane and our daily walks. I can't imagine though what it would be like to have a headache the whole time trying to enjoy the walk. I'm really hoping that things change soon for you. Hugs, Deb

fiberdance said...

I pray for you to not have any more pain-I've had a similar situation these last 2 weeks of a killer facial pain-I've seen 5 doctors and dentists so far and haven't found just what it is-will be seeing another specialist tomorrow about my jaw-but I had to take the pain meds-the pain is unbearable without. Your right about promises-to God, the Universe, whatever-I will not complain about the trivial if this horrid pain would go away. Thank you for putting your thoughts out there-your words can be a comfort during the bad times. Bless you

claudia said...

I worked today and it was a rather boring day at the hardware store. We did have a good share of customers early on, husbands trying to finish up honey-dos before their wives would allow them the remotes. About a half an hour before the game started, the store was empty. E.M.P.T.Y. B.O.R.I.N.G. So I invented something to do to occupy my time. I made a whole empty wall look like it was spring outside. Bird houses, Butterfly houses, wind chimes, cute little statuaries. I hope the bosses like it tomorrow or I will hear about it on Wednesday!

Sharon said...

I wish your head could feel like your scenery looks, because then it would feel fantastic.

Daryl said...

I wish you a day with no discomfort and I hope my wish is fulfilled .. I love how cats love boxes that are too small .. our late Gus was a lover of such boxes .. he once squeezed himself into a box half the size of Sydney's and Gus was as large as Jinx ... it was pretty funny, I need to see where I put the photo because you know I took a photo of it ..

Acorn to Oak said...

Your walk looked much more fun than the Super Bowl. I don't watch much football but when I the Super Bowl...I use it as an excuse for guilt free, uninterupted knitting time. :-)

I hope you have another good day today! And...many more to come!

Molly (cobaltandindigo) said...

Lovely clouds and sky on your walk! I'm sure you're going to be unstoppable when this is over, and in the mean time you're doing a hell of a lot better than I would be in your situation.

Corie said...

Do you hold the leash in your hand when you walk Roy? I ask because I was thinking that holding the leash causes strain on your neck and shoulder, even if you don't feel anything at all during the walk, even if Roy doesn't pull. Try attaching the leash around your waist and let your arms swing in a natural way. Since your examining all the possibilities....... I hope you find peace soon. Have you tried acupuncture?

Nancy said...

Don't cats love boxes! I have been following your posts and I don't understand why you don't have a diagnosis on what is causing the headache. Four months is way too long.

Gayle said...

On days we do not hear from you, we surely are thinking of you. You know that, right? Hope your days are so darned good that you did not even get to the computer.

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