Friday, February 24, 2012

Still learning.

Some days I am reminded of my frailties.
Woke up about 2 a.m. with a vise on my temples, by 7 a.m., it was no better.   I stayed home.  Roy and I rested on the couch all morning.

L held down the fort studio.

I knew I was in no shape to work.

My mother made tea, and came in and sat on the end of the couch.  She said, "Maybe if you cry you'll feel better."
Been there and done that already.  And crying too hard just makes the vise get tighter, so that's not really an option I want to explore.
She made me lunch, suddenly I am her little girl again.

She brought her sandwich in to the living room, and talked constantly.

What have I said many times??  that there is always a lesson?  in everything?

Well, today I learned how lonely my mother is, how in our busy-ness, we don't spend enough time in a day, just talking to her.
While my head was  screaming, I filed that information under 'things to do'.

Eventually, I decided that I was not getting any better on the couch.  It took a supreme effort to get moving, but move I did, and Roy and I went for a walk down by the river.  It doesn't help the headache, but it clears my head, and gives me a different perspective.

"we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens" (Epictetus)

So many of you have commented on how strong I am.  Is that another word for 'pig-headed'????
I am not a super woman.  Really.
But what are the choices???    Plod on.......or give in.  Not much of a choice.

When I am trying to keep it together,  I remember that as bad as this is, there are so many others who have it so much worse.
Like my dearest friend, in Georgia, whose husband is now on Hospice.  He is losing his battle, and she is facing life without him.  I bet she would trade me for this vice, in a New York minute.
I just have a headache.  I'll live.  I think.

Another friend said this to me in an email today:

 "Maybe if you promise the universe that you will stop and smell the roses once in a while , you do not need the headache to make you do that...... "

There's a lesson here, I know there is.  There always is.

I wanted to share a video with you.  The link is HERE.   It is 25 minutes long, and well worth it, a story about twin priests in a northern NY town, one of whom is diagnosed with Alzheimers at age 57.  The last few minutes made me cry again, and said it all.   I think that's when I got my butt off the couch, and took Roy's leash off the hook.
I cried.
Roy smiled.
Enjoy the video, and let me know what you think.


Deb said...

Once a mom, always a mom. I'm sure she would trade places with you if she could. She sounds like a wonderful mom and it makes me miss mine. Dang...I wish that headache would take a hike. You are so good to your Roy and he is good for you right now, too. What a great day he came into your life. I'll go watch the film now. Hugs

Anonymous said...

Is the headache to be expected so soon after having the injection in your neck? OR what has the doctor told you to expect? Should you be pain free by now? How many more shots to go?

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

Are they still mapping the location in your neck or have they started the "fix it" injections yet? That sounds like a very sweet moment with your mom when she made you a sandwich. I'm sure it was very meaningful to her.

claudia said...

It is so nice that you and your mom had some time and that you learned and yet another lesson.
I enjoyed the video. It was sad yes, but also uplifting. One brother taking care of the other. The other brother having grace in the thick of a disease. Gives me pause to learn some more lessons on life and loving.

Cait Throop said...

OMG I know those town, my church...haven't watched the video. Wish your headache would loosen it's hold on you. I remember after surgery I couldn't hurt too much to cry. Sometimes I guess you just have to hunker down and wait. Thinking of you.

Dik52 said...

Thank you so much for sharing that story, I loved it. As for your Mom, I lost my Mom last month, would give anything to talk to her again. Yes we do get busy with our everyday, but now Mom is gone, I just wish we could talk one more time :( ... good luck with your headache, I cant imagine living with a headache everyday. Love you blog...Di

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's time to see if your insurance will spring for a jacuzzi? You need it for therapy, you can say.

((hugs)) as a mom, it's hard to see your kid hurting. Once a mom, always a mom is right.

Sharon said...

What Deb said. I'm glad you two had that moment and I hope you'll get more of them in the future. I had a migraine for most of the day and it clouded everything. The Imitrix had lifted the pain by dinner but I was almost dizzy. I thought of you. I don't know how you do it, days on end. I wove because somehow head throbbing and shuttle throwing work it out.

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