Crazy as a Loom

Saturday, March 23, 2013

From another POV.

   With my surgical date fast approaching, I am parceling out my time.
I did go to the studio, and did some catching up, but my head that RULES said no weaving today.
No sewing today.  NO LIKE REAL WORK TODAY.
So I listened, and came home.
One of my priorities is to walk Roy every day before I go, even if I have to push myself to do it.

I've discovered, that if opening your eyes widely is painful in the sun, you can really walk with your eyes half mast, as long as you're on the road, and you know where you are.  With my eyes closed, or very nearly, I am most aware of Roy's little BIG feet tapping quickly along the pavement, his tags jingling on his collar, and the sound of the wind in the trees.
It was a cool wind on my face, but not the kind that makes you hurry to get home.  It was refreshing, and good.
We walked for an hour, and now he's snoring beside me.
That was my priority today.
I'm going to hate leaving him, he's somewhat attached at my hip.

Someone said to me the other day......."you're so strong."

Ah, not so much.

The plain, unvarnished truth is that I looked at the situation from all sides.   I  tipped it up, and turned it over, investigated,  googled, stayed up all night worrying. 
I imagined every possible thing that could go wrong, every unbelievable and tragic outcome.
I cried.   I hated it right down to my toes.  I talked it out. 
Then I cried some more.
Then I shook my fist at the sky, and said, "This is not what I expected."

Then, unnerved, and a little disgusted,  I said to myself.  "I need to make a plan."
So I did.
My plan is simple.  To the point.
Just like I learned in AlAnon so many years ago, when my life seemed so unmanageable.  I'm living  it one day at a time.
I do what's right in front of me.  This day.  This minute. This hour.  It's the only thing that really belongs to me. One foot in front of the other.  Living my life like Roy does.
Walking when there's a walk to be had.  Napping when the sun in on my favorite blankie.  Eating when my dish is full.  Life on life's terms.   What a concept.
Worrying about what's coming tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, is simply a waste of my time.  Worrying won't change one whit of it.
So I refuse to do it.
I am going about the business of living, to the best of my ability right now, one day at a time.
 And I'll do that very same thing, tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.

I don't have to like all this.
As Sydney says:

"This is a revolting turn of events."

I agree Syd.  But like it or not, I do have to accept it.
This is my life, and my path.
I can only do the best I can do.
One. Day. At. A. Time.


Mrs. Turkey said...

The song Christy Lane sings comes to mine when you spoke of taking it "One Day at a Time". Beautiful lyrics. You should listen to it.
Love your blog Hilary and also love that dog.
Keep the faith and take it one day at a time! We're all behind you 100%....!

Mrs. Turkey said...

The song Christy Lane sings comes to mine when you spoke of taking it "One Day at a Time". Beautiful lyrics. You should listen to it.
Love your blog Hilary and also love that dog.
Keep the faith and take it one day at a time! We're all behind you 100%....!

Cait Throop said...

Oh well said, Hilary...well said.

The Village Queen said...

Hang in ther Hilary, Im sure hopeing this upcoming treatment really fixes things. And youre so right about the 1 day at a time, I do that so often, is the best for getting through an on with the big things no matter what they are. We can only do just so much in any moment and sometimes the best is petting a fur kid and letting the rest go.

Tyche's Minder said...

Aww, good dog.
Will be thinking about you this week.

Suzanne said...

Your right all each of us has is the day before us. I'll be thinking of you..wishing you well.

Country Gal said...

That's all any of us can do just live one day at a time and enjoy that time each and every day ! We are all praying and here for you the best that we can be .

Country Girl said...

That's my motto too.

Thinking of you.


Karen said...

When my yearlong headache was horrible, I wore sunglasses outside, it did help. Maybe you're doing that already, but if not, give it a try. Hopefully, very soon, you will not need to even consider it, maybe the pain will diminish with this next procedure and you will be back up and running.

Frank's Corner said...

Hilary, What is the date of your surgery? I want to light a candle for you and keep you in my prayers that day. I don't comment on your blog too often but I appreciate you wholeheartedly. You are a dear person and it is time for to be well and pain free once again. I am not a stranger to pain and I love animals and children and life as I see that you do. I hope for all to go well and for you to, once again, BE WELL! with love and best wishes, Candace in Sebastopol

MarthaVA said...

And that, my dear, IS strong. All of the above. Even the crying. It's strength.
You're going to be fine. Better than ever. Sending good thoughts for you and the doctors and medical staff.

mray said...

Yes Hilary, you are brave, strong and so wise to appreciate the moments, some of us
including me stew over the petty things & forget the important walking
the dog and listening to the sounds of companionship and love. Thank you for sharing your soul & may this surgery allow you to be pain free and feeling great!

mageez said...

Here's a HUG

Daryl said...

keeping lots of good thoughts and vibes .. sending them to you ... xo

claudia said...

Hilary...My thoughts and prayers are with you today. (((HUGS)))

Cupcake Murphy said...

I just love you and Roy.

Rain said...

Keeping good thoughts your way...... One moment.... Day at a time.....
Fondly, Rain

Vanessa1988 said...

That's an inspiring post!
Hope all goes well for you.
Take Care

Sharon said...

That was a fine piece of writing Hilary and you are so right to follow your own advice - one day at a time. Ian celebrated his 20 anniversary of sobriety by following that edict. Now if an end to pain could be the next thing along your steps on this path, that would be the frosting on the cake.

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