I didn't blog yesterday because I don't believe that old saying about "misery loves company".
I don't think it always does, and I'm sure the "company" could do without the misery.
Anyway, the weather (I think) is doing me in. It's a headache reminiscent of my pre-surgical monsters.
Will this ever end?
That's what I ask myself. I don't know the answer.
I just plod through each day and do the best I can. I savor the days that are manageable, and on those blissful days of a 2-3 or even a 4, I try to forget entirely that it is ever different. I try to act normal, and I try to imagine that it is never going to change.
But then it does.
Last night, I was sitting in the hot tub, wishing to beam myself up to a warm, dry climate, with lots of sun. I fleetingly posed the hard question.
What if this is my forever reality?
Can I take it? Can I persevere? Can I maintain a good attitude, and hopefulness, in the face of pain for the rest of my life? Can I still be happy?
Can anyone be happy around me?
I don't stay there long. I can't. I just throw it out there to myself.
Keeping it real. That's me.
I can't help but think, too, that when my head feels like it is about to explode, dark thoughts hover over me. I am mostly resistant. But not always.
I am blessed that I can sleep through it. And sometimes, like last night, that's all I want to do. Escape. Even though it wakes me up, I go back to sleep. It's a welcome break.
Sometimes you just have to snuggle in your blankie, and let the world move on without you.
And while I'm there, I dream of weaving, this time in red. And I dream of looms. So many looms, so little time.
And I dream of a day, without a headache. Such a simple thing, isn't it?
Or maybe not.
"To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub."
The misery you describe breaks my heart for you. I am wondering if it would be worthwhile to take a break to a warm dry climate for two weeks (or even just one) to see how your head feels. I pray for you, my friend.
I agree with Country Girl! you never know unless you give it a try!
Glad to know Roy is your steady companion and so understanding!
I to am with Country girl there has got to be something that can be done to help you or at least relive it a bit if not forever ! I pray for you to dear lady .
Sorry that you are having headaches...I use to have headaches too but I ended up having Jaw Surgery long time ago and that took care of my headaches.
I hope that you will feel better soon and get a good nite's sleep...I agree with Country Girl too.
I'm so sorry your in pain. I'd sure try a warmer place. It's hard to see your suffering..
I was thinking that if your headaches are ruled by humidity and barometric pressure - you might want to be looking for greener pastures - southwest - somewhere where it is dry - arid.
And the do appreciate weavers out there.
Could you leave hearth and home and settle somewhere else for the rest of your life if it meant the end of headaches?
Time to take a week to visit some of those places.
One of my dearest friends had knee replacement surgery back in October (she lives in Connecticut) and I feel so badly how much pain she's in with the "weather" affecting her. I think you should take a short trip to a dryer, warmer climate and see if it is the miserable cold aggravating your headaches...it's worth a try. XOXO
Hilary, honestly, it sounds like a hellish way to live. the very opposite of the drifting,peaceful state of mind induced by weaving. I so hope you can get back to that life. Nothing ever stays the same, so it will change.
I get to weave again today, pain free, but not taking it for granted. Wish you could do the same
I have had issues with my back on and off over the years. When it is a bad day I think the same thing...is this it? More people experience this than you think, so misery loves company is more like we can all commiserate with you!
Luckily it goes away and soon enough I forget the extreme pain of it and my life returns.
I wish for you some of your "normal life" to return.
I live with everyday pain and as you say, when a 2-4 you go a head like it isn't there. And some days it just knocks you of your feet. And you get down low in your mood...
Warm, dry weather might be good. It's funny thou, cause to warm/dry weather makes my body feel just as bad as cold and "foggy" weather. Cold, dry weather is ok too for me so what's a girl gonna do??
Hope you find your golden middle way :-)
Kate's idea is a very good one. I'm also thinking that since the damage has been repaired by surgery, now might be the time to explore things like acupuncture, chiropractics or massage for this residual pain.
Still praying your doctor has good news after reading the MRI.
I would ask you to come stay with me for a week or two but we cold right now also...surely there is some place ...I explore it. You find something to help...
Gosh..seems like every other word was eliminated in my previous comment but you get the idea...
i wish an answer and healing for you. i pray.
Pain is the great leveler. I am sorry you have it so bad some days. Hoping your doc can come up with something.
i think Kate might be onto something .. a short get-away to somewhere the weather is less bothersome might be the trick
You know... is it feasible to get away for a few weeks to that warmer climate? AND AWAY FROM THE LOOMS.. is the other part of my thoughts here. Seriously.. can you book two or three or four weeks somewhere warm where all you have to do is soak in the sun and relax?
I'm with Karen...a couple of weeks in the warmth and sun...maybe take your knitting. Walk along the beach. No weaving. Breathe and just be! Keeping you in my thoughts, Hilary.
I always look forward to reading posts from you where you are feeling well and having a good day. It's very upsetting to think of you in pain. I'm sending a hug but I wish I could do more for you. Grab those needles and head up to visit you BFF again. I know you love that. Hugs
You have been on a long harrowing journey. I think of you and your bravery every day.
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