Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The nitty gritty.

Every day I am learning about the "now".
I have little choice.
Who knew that one flip through the air and crack on the skull could have such a lasting impact on my entire life.
Surely not me.

This was a grey day, its own entity.  No yesterday, no tomorrow.
Just today.  One hour, sometimes minutes, at a time.

I only stayed at the studio a mere three hours.
I couldn't even SAY "limitations" before this.  Lord.

So knowing what kind of day it was turning into, I snapped a few photos around the shop.

Cause I never get tired of looking at color.
It was cold and gray today, like my mood, and I needed some color.

Who does not remember the Princess and the Pea???
What else could be the reason for that look?

You know I have to keep it real here, right?
It would be easy to be all "la, la, la", but it wouldn't be true.
And tact was never my best quality.

The last few days, my headache is back with a vengeance.  And I would be a fool to not be just a little concerned.
Not to mention that I am also near worthless.
Advice to call the doctor leaves me cold.
Another MRI?  Another brain surgery?
I think not.

Some days I think to myself that this whole experience will be the death of me.
Then I tell myself to "snap the hell out of it".
So far it's working.  The snapping out part.

 Sometimes I wonder what will happen if the headache doesn't go away, and my snapping routine doesn't cut it.

I think it's interesting that my photos depict my passion in life, while I drone on about my lack thereof.

But right this minute, I'm ok.  I have a cuppa tea.  I forced myself to walk Roy, and my cheeks are still cold, in a nice way.  I am lying here on my own sofa, in my own house, with a heating pad on my neck.
I am here talking with you all, and I think you are listening. Do you know how much that means?
A lot, I tell ya.  A lot.
I have a new vegetarian cookbook, and I am planning all kinds of wonderful cooking adventures, when I feel better.
I'm alive.  I have hope.  I'm ok.

Hopefully, I am as tough as these old blue jeans, and with just as much life.

And still colorful enough to make it all worthwhile.

Did any of this make sense?   Geesh, I hope so.


Gayle said...

You are always in my heart and my best healing wishes. I know you have tried it all, well almost all. I have for the first time started meditation. It is 15 min. and guided (orally). It is free, online. Depak Chopra is the one who guides the meditations. The are called: 21 Day Meditation Challenge 2012. They have just begun. I am finding great value in it all.

Continued good wishes. I so love your kitties, doggie and your writings. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

You are read, daily. You are loved. Because you write to us, we are not as lonely as we would be. Thank you for sharing your life with us each day. Your courage and perseverance sets the example for us to follow.
It is so easy to get discouraged and give up. To withdraw and close down. But I'm glad you have your family and Roy, and us. I'm glad you let us be your family, too.
Whatever each day brings, you are in our thoughts and prayers. We want for you to have a happy, pain-free life and to enjoy that wild and crazy life to the fullest.
Each day that I grow older, I make compomises and adjust to not being able to do what I could do last week, yesterday. But every day opens new opportunities to be glad and to share something beautiful with someone. Just like you do for us.
I will never meet you face to face, but I am proud to think that you are my friend and I am yours.
Your weaving is inspiration to me. I look at your colors and become brave with my colors. I look at your challenges and become brave because you continue to put one foot forward daily.
Vicki Allen, weaver
Dublin, Georgia USA

Hilary said...

Your surgeon has made the repairs. If the pain has returned, now might be the time when something like chiropractics or stretches or acupuncture might be beneficial. Yes, do talk to him. You're not taking it this far just to be back where you started.

And yes, whether we connect in real life or not (and I'm betting we will), out here, our lives are interwoven - much like one of your beautiful, colourful rugs.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone, we are listening and we do care. Call the damn doctor, you did not get this far to backslide young lady! Hah, I am a real tough cookie - easy from this far away....

Love the Princess - she does sort of look like she can feel the pea underneath all those cushions.

thecrazysheeplady said...


Country Gal said...

Maybe the headaches are cause you need glasses now or new ones if you already have them . It could be change in air pressures as the weather changes . It would be a good idea to go back to your Dr just to get it all checked out . Yes you did make scene here and I pray that you feel better soon and it is just something as simple as I mentioned here ! Take care , Laters !

sandy said...

Because I care, I suggest you make an appt to re-evaluate what's happening with the headaches. Be pro-active in your recovery so you know you are on track. It could something the change in weather and keep in mind you are still very tender.

Country Girl said...

Yes it makes sense. Also leaves me a little worried, and if I'm worried, cannot imagine how you feel. Still - there is always that unending gumption of yours. And that is wonderful to read, my friend. I do hope you feel better. I would make the call, though.

Karen said...

It sure did. Hilary... you started really digging in to work again, hunched over and working your arms (back? neck?) on a loom, weaving. That was when you started feeling like your old self. My hunch is that it was all too much and you spasmed the muscles in your shoulder/neck area again, causing a muscle tension headache... again. That was what I had for eight-ninth months straight. When I finally gave up the physical labor of mucking stalls every day and hauling hay, water buckets, etc... It eventually eased up.. and went away. I did not resume that work for two years. Before I resumed that work, I was seeing a physical therapist and did yoga to strengthen those muscles I've been abusing through physical labor and hanging over a computer for my -day job- for many years.

Maybe I'm nuts... but I think you have a several muscle tension issue. That would mean... stay they hell away from the looms... for a WHILE! Really and truly.. no loom for a month. See how you feel. Also, do yoga to stretch those muscles out.. I just do a very simple routine at home.

Just a thought I'm throwing out at you.....

A Brit in Tennessee said...

I am always hoping and wishing that your journey of headaches and fatique are near an end, but today's post has shown me different.
I'm still hoping and remembering your struggle in my prayers.
The vibrant colors have a way of making me smile, I'm drawn to them, as are you.
You are admired beyond words my friend, remember you are indeed a Superwoman, and this is merely a hiccup in your journey of pain-free living.

Frank's Corner said...

I agree with Karen that weaving and all of your activity may be too much for your neck at this point. You are still healing and recovering strength in your neck. Also agree that you should check in with the surgeon. Don't jump to the worst case scenario. As a nurse, you know that recovery from major surgery takes months and repetitive motions, such as weaving, with the accompanied resistive motion my professional opinion...way too much at this point! Candace

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

Hilary, get thee to a phone and call the doctor. And the weaving may be too much right now. It puts you in a position that doesn't seem good for neck muscles. Is life unimaginable without weaving daily? Just as Karen said, daily horse chores took their toll on my shoulder and neck muscles. Now I board them and pay someone else to do the work. Not ideal, but the chronic muscle tightness causes too many days of pain. Please talk to the doctor?

Susan said...

Listen to your body and take it back a notch--mine always hits me like a vengeance when I push too hard. Enjoy the colors (and your Princess) in your life, XOXO

karen said...

Call your doctor so you aren't making it worse. We listen and pray for health and healing for you.

karen said...

Call your doctor so you aren't making it worse. We listen and pray for health and healing for you.

FabShabbyRoses said...

It all made perfect sense Hilary. i'm so sorry to hear your headaches are back. I can only imagine how destressing it must be. I hope you find a good solution. In the meantime I too have found comfort in all of your colors. Just absolutely beautiful photos that would put some sunshine in anyones heart. it certainly did mine this morning. One day I want to make some of those potholders. They're fabulous! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, photos, life. I care! Please give your Dr a call. Sincerely, Carolyn

rosek1870 said...

Oh Hilary, I don't comment often but I read every post. Please call your dr. I to think the weaving may be too much right now. I'm a cross stitcher and the thought of not stitching never crossed my mind until I started having neck and shoulder problems. Now I have to pace myself. No more of my beloved all day stitching sessions. In exchange for being careful and listening to my dr. I can still stitch and have a lot less pain. Please seek his advice. You have come so very far but there is still a ways to go. Know there are many prayers being said for you.

Daryl said...

the only part that doesn't make sense is repeating the past ... call the doctor ... you won't know what he will say .. may I, another one for whom tact is just a word, remind you how foolish it was to wait so long to get the initial headache looked into?????

Stop being so damn stubborn ...

Shiralyn said...

Well, I can't speak for anyone else but when I just read your blog I felt like I had swallowed lead. I know if it ticks me off, you are really feeling bad. I agree with everyone, that there might be a wee thought that you have been overdoing it. I know he told you you would be back weaving soon, but maybe he thought you were a normal person, and would do only like an hour a day. He certainly couldn't know your personality of go-go-go. But I too understand and I would be so mad if I couldn't do what I want. But remember, we aren't as young as we were 10 years ago and probably do not mend as quickly. Give yourself time to really heal, then start worrying. Yes, go back to the doctor. Praying for you, as always, and wish I was closer to help L out. Take good care of yourself, and rest. I know you hate that.

trish at tangled threads said...

I agree with the others. See your surgeon. Someone is paying over $60,000 for this surgery. Surely an investment in a follow up visit is warranted. He needs to know what is going on and give his input.

And get an Occupationl Therapist in to look at the loom set up. I suspect, as do others, the positioning for weaving is causing some aggravation of muscles. Is it possible to raise up the rear of the loom enough so that the angle of the warp allows you to weave more upright? The loom, of course, needs to be stable in this position. Maybe you need to weave with a vertical warp for a while such as on a Navajo style rug loom. I know it is not as production oriented, but if it has you weaving comfortably that's something in itself.

And allow yourself time to rest and heal. Trish

Cupcake Murphy said...

It makes absolute, 100%, pure, overwhelming sense. That's why I wish I could zap that ache from your head. Sending you all the strength and love in the world.

MarthaVA said...

I think you should call the doctor. You might not want to hear what he has to say, but you NEED to hear it, whatever it is.

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