Crazy as a Loom

Monday, August 5, 2013


Ack.  Life can be so hard sometimes.
I really could not do it other than ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Even thinking about it any other way is impossible for me.

My head will be the death of me probably.  It's hard to explain it.  I am sure there is someone in the world who has a similar experience.  I just don't know them.
My headache is different these days.  I still have it. Every. Day.
Amazing, right?  A headache every day since October 2011.
I can't believe it myself.
Then I think about what they did, TWICE, when they were banging around inside my head.

I try to understand it, figure it out, come to terms with it.  It's become such a big part of my story, I
honestly can't imagine my life any other way.

In the course of a day, my headache changes 7-10 times, from "barely there", to a fist in the temple, to a smasher.
Last week, on one particularly horrible day, I texted my friend who also had surgery for Chiari, without the neck fusion.  She said years later, she still has bad days.  She says you just have to "Scrap All Expectations".
That may have to be my "go to" motto.  On days that just don't cut it, when nothing seems to work, I may have to S.A.E.
I don't think that stress helps.  And taking care of my mother, trying to figure out what's best for her, and me, and DH, is enough to give anyone a headache.
Dreaming of a pond in Maine, going to sleep listening to the loons calling, that's my "go to" dream.

I am also doing some craniosacral therapy, hoping that it might help to settle my head down after the trauma that it has suffered.

In the meantime, I am amusing myself  with the (new to me) AVL folding dobby loom.
With its new sectional beam, it is finally operational.

This is the first of MANY dish towels.  In fact, the AVL is going to be my designated towel loom.

 I had a couple of threading errors, which you might see if you look close, but after two towels, I fixed them.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this.  I even went BACK to the studio after dinner, to play with it some more.

 And tomorrow is another day.

To me, the trick is to NOT keep thinking about the parts of life that hurt.  There is no point.
Instead, I do this.
I weave.
I am so grateful for it, I can't even tell you.


TexWisGirl said...

that's truly gorgeous, hilary. fascinating and beautiful! so glad it brings you enjoyment and peace.

JC said...

I can't even imagine what you have been through and continue to handle. I wish for you to wake and be in no pain. Since that doesn't seem to be happening, I hope you can make each day be the best it can. To learn to be the new you. Not easy but with pain, it really is a level thing. What you can do that day. That moment.

Again, I so wish you to improve. Til then, I wish you to tolerate.

Thinking of you,

claudia said...

I want to cry for you ,I feel so bad about your headaches. But I know that will do you no good. All I can do is give a prayer up to the Heavens that you get some relief, more often than not, and tell you how strong you are. My goodness woman, you are my idol!

Hilary said...

This is not right.. still getting the headaches. Though like you said, the stress can't be helping.

The towel is lovely. You always do such beautiful work.

Connie in Hartwood said...

You just gave me MY new motto ... I think it deserves to be a sampler ... Scrap All Expectations. Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Hilary, keep your chin up and weave on! Your work on the AVL is beautiful and good soul therapy.

Cait Throop said...

Oh the headache thing is so not good, Hilary. I can't really imagine having a headache every awful. I agree that stress is probably adding to it but impossible to completely get out of our lives. I want to see the dobby up and running! I'll have to plan a little trip down to see you...and those towels are absolutely gorgeous!!!!! Get some rest, be easy with yourself and know we are thinking of you.

The Cat Guy said...

I wish less pain, no pain for you. You have suffered plenty long enough, might be someone else's turn now.

those dish towels look strikingly beautiful!

Rita said...

Great motto! Living with constant pain is a trial of the soul. More difficult under stress. So hard to relinquish control--to your very own body. Your beautiful spirit helps you create such beautiful towels. I hope you have a low-level pain day! :)

Cupcake Murphy said...

Weave on sister.

Karen said...

What a beautiful pattern!!...oh, I love it.

And jeez, I honestly thought you had done away with a good part of those da*n headaches.

Unknown said...

I can not even imagine Hilary-after I saw you last week my lovely headache held on & returned until Friday wears one down...
I am so glad that weaving is a solace...looking forward to time at the studio with you soon...

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Because every thread counts

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