I got the news last Friday, but to be honest, I wasn't much in the mood to talk about it.
I have been trying to "act as if"..........like as if I didn't hear that.
My neurosurgeon was surprised, and not happy, at what he saw. Once again, the bone is growing where it shouldn't be, between the two rods in my cervical spine, pressing on my brain, making my face feel like it met up with a baseball bat when I wasn't looking.
I had about 24 hours of spontaneous tears, just dripping off my face throughout the day.
I have had a couple of sleepless nights since. I have been angry, sad, incredibly disappointed. Even a little worried. But in the end, all the fears, anxieties, resentments, and insecurities have to lay down their ugly selves, so that you can keep living your life.
My headache has ramped up, like "oh well, now she knows what is going on, no sense putting any shade on this". But I can't lie on the couch with a warm, wet wash cloth on my forehead.
That's just not going to cut it for me.
I find that if I just keep keeping on, doing as much of what I normally do as possible, I don't think about it as much.
I took my grandgirls to the county fair.
They wanted to bring a baby pig home.
We held baby chicks.
We looked at cow butts.
They rode the swings, giving me the head rush. There they go............
When I was all alone, I sat at the end of the day with a Corona, and beautiful, golden light.
I wove with L on a freaking HUGE SOCK RUG.
I ate greens out of the little garden that COULD.
I found incredible pleasure in sharing my friend Michelle's woven shawl, that she just finished.
It was extra special since I taught her to weave, and she has become a talented weaver all on her own.
Heart be still.
I even helped her pick out some threads for it. It really, really turned out well. Honestly, it's just STUNNING.
I spent time with friends, and reveled in the knowledge that I have sent many new weavers off on new adventures with their looms.
Here is another past student, Sue, talking about her accomplishments and sharing pictures.
I am happy that they feel so comfortable coming back to the studio.
They've become good friends.
In fact, weaving has made me a lot of friends.
So yes, I am unhappy about the MRI results, and what they mean. I don't look forward to another surgery. And it's a little nerve wracking, waiting for the doctor to research and find ways to stop the bone from growing, once he removes it AGAIN.
But on the other hand, I ain't done yet. Nope.
And I don't want to waste any of my precious time on earth, worrying about what will happen next.
When I get there, I'll do the best I can.
Until then, well, there's life to be lived. It's a no brainer.