We have been on vacay, DH and I.
In our own home. With Roy.
Cause my mother has gone to my daughter's house, and she's been gone ALL WEEK.
Can I just say WOW?
I love my mother. You know that. But living with an aging parent is not easy, and it is not always
And it is evident to everyone, that there is a different dynamic with me, than she has with anyone else.
Somewhere along the way, we switched roles, at least in her mind. And I am the mother.
At my daughter's house, she has kids to interact with, and I think it is good for her. She gets to be "Nan".
For us, the quiet is like a soft rain. There is no TV blaring from her room. No drama. No demands.
It is a gift, from my daughter, to me.
When I first came home from my brain surgery, my mother stepped it up. She kind of hovered over me, making me lunch, bringing me tea, doing things for me that I could not do.
She seemed, well, like MY MOTHER.
But it was short lived. As I got better, she slid back into her neediness and her comfortable dependent role. The more I began to feel like myself, the less like my mother she became.
I have told my children that I will never live with them, and I hope that I can keep that promise, because I know how hard it is.
When you have raised your children, and given 30 years of your life to the work force, then it should be time for serenity, which doesn't always happen when you live with a parent.
We thought, eight years ago, that we were doing the right thing, having her live with us.
Now I know, it would have been smarter, to get her an apartment nearby, damn the cost. It would have been better for us, and it would have encouraged her to hang on to her independence.
Instead, she waits for us: to go to the store, to make dinner, to do a thousand little things for her, that she could probably do for herself.
This was not the best choice.
But here it is, and now we make the best of it.
Which I hope includes more mini vacays like this one. I think a few days away here and there, are good for her, and us. She will be glad to be home, and it will be nice to have her home.
Ah, the perspective from vacation. I love it.