Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Yup, it's been three weeks today.
I am gaining, but slowly.
You know it's not fast enough for me.

Check out my new clogs, I ordered them from the hotel, on my laptop, the night before my surgery.
Talk about thinking positive.

 A girl can just knit so much though.

But I am being incredibly 'good'.  I am purposely taking it easy, not pushing myself, not taking any chances.
It's a struggle, partly because I 'want' to be busy, and partly because  I have to rest, and I have to  listen to my body.  Not really my body........but my head and my neck.  My body is fine, thank you very much.  My body is actually wanting to know what the h.e.l.l. is the holdup, if you must know.
But mostly my NECK is calling the shots here.  It is stiff, painful, weak, spasmodic, and generally not very happy, and thus it GETS to call the shots still for a while.
I am not going to post a picture of my SCAR, until it is better looking.

I did hear today that I do NOT have to have another MRI, I am hoping that is because the surgeons are so damn sure of themselves, that they do not need to see what they did.
After that last one, I am no fan, so I am relieved.  I also found out today that I can start Physical Therapy to strengthen my neck, 'as pain allows'. Twice a week.

Getting better from a major event like this kind of shadows everything else.  I find myself really not worrying about things that would have normally had me stressed.
Money.  Food.  Business. Weather. What ifs.
They just don't factor in.
I very much dislike FEAR.
You know the feeling, when the 'what ifs' strike?
That feeling in your gut that makes you want to run and hide?
What if you can never move your neck again?
What if they didn't fix it?
What if the you never have another pain free day in your life?
What if this eventually KILLS you?

I will twist myself into pretzel shapes not to be afraid.

Roy has been given me some pointers.

He thinks I should be picking this up faster.
He is such a good teacher.  I have given him a nickname:  Eckhart.
Cause he lives in the MOMENT.

So all in all, I am progressing.  One baby step at a time.

Don't ever underestimate normal.  Don't ever think that your boring, everyday life doesn't mean anything?  It only takes a little time of "NOT NORMAL", to put that into perfect perspective.

Take boring.  Take humdrum.  Take normal.
Take it every chance you get.
And don't be afraid.
Take it from Eckhart Roy.


Dianne said...

you're incredibly eloquent about the situation
I have some health issues and I find reading you to be both comforting and inspiring

and Roy is a Joy :)

Country Girl said...

Healing goes slowly sometimes. It will all come together and one day you will find yourself walking with a spring in your step, the neck pain will be gone, and a good and new normal will be happening.

Love the new clogs.

Deb said...

I'm reading this and my neck is starting to hurt. You write in a way that we really can feel what you are going through. I'm glad you are taking baby steps, Hilary. It's the only way to be sure you did it right. Sending hugs your way and hope that the next post tells us you are feeling even better than today. Give that Roy a big hug for me. Hugs, Deb

Karen thisoldhouse2.com said...

I'm taking every word you say to heart. I get it, I do.

So glad you're moving forward, one pretty-clogged step at a time.

Anonymous said...

I am liking the clogs too! Great combination of color I'm them, and also that you are taking it easy, Surgery is no 'little' thing as Eckart will tell you. :-)

Hilary said...

Good for you for recognizing your limits but not dwelling on them. This too shall pass and you'll be unstoppable again.

And Roy.. oh that beautiful boy.

Country Gal said...

I am glad to hear you are getting stronger and better each day and taking it easy and not pushing yourself . Soon before ya know it all will be back to the same old same old which is a good thing ! Roy will help you heal with his goofiness I am sure ! Have a good day !

Country Gal said...

P.S Love the clogs !

Anonymous said...

Atta girl!

pardon the A. NonyMous comment, Blogger keeps trying to take me down a new path, and I cannot sign in! Linda

DJan said...

Your posts are a wonderful thing to behold. Every time I see one, I read it to find out what the current situation is. And slowly, imperceptibly, it's beginning to enter a new stage. Only three weeks and look at what you've accomplished already. Sending you cyber hugs, Hilary.

MarthaVA said...

Remember, there is nothing to fear, but fear itself.
I know you will be fine, maybe not "normal" like it was before this all happened to you. It will be the new normal for you. You will make it work, because you do that.
Hug Roy, listen to him, cus he knows how to live in the moment and he trusts it is all going to be good. Ya know who taught him that? YOU, when you rescued him.
Hang in there. I send healing thoughts to you every day.

Frank's Corner said...

Great clogs...you have such good taste in shoes and spiritual masters. Eckart Roy looks like he is VERY evolved! I would definitely keep paying attention to his wisdom if I were you!

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

Savor the healing. It is one step at a time to a new beginning. Eckart Roy is giving you good advice.

Lydia La La said...

It is with joy that I read each of your posts. Joy that you are alive and healing. Joy that there is no brain damage... That you take joy in your animals AND those flash new clogs. You go girl!!! xo

Daryl said...

new clogs are so pretty, i know you will have lots of good walks in them ... soon ... its good that you are listening to your neck, it is indeed running the show for now .. and i warn you the first PT will knock you on your tush ... so be smart and take two extra strength tylenol (i swear by them) after whether you think you need them or not .. because, trust me, you will .. xoxox

MrsB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MrsB said...

I know it does not seem like it now, but this will be the most liberating thing that ever happens to you. Being forced to slow down to a crawl is a good thing.

I hope you take this life lesson and - well, nap on it.

Cait Throop said...

Oh I like that you are listening to Roy!! And I like your clogs too! Nothing like a positive attitude. Just gave the sock monkey to my new granddaughter...at six weeks she was a little young to appreciate it but her parents were delighted!

Gayle said...

You are such a heroine for us all. You are exactly right about positive thinking, getting right into PT, being totally grateful for "normal". TY so much for sharing your innermost thoughts. What a gift you are! TY again, dear one. Roy has all the answers, just look to him. :D

The Village Queen said...

Isnt that the truth! Lack of drama and health are two of lifes greatest gifts. Glad there is progress even if slowly. Perfect timing with the seasons too as the earth slows down and gets ready for winter. By spring you will be weaving up a storm and rescuing more batches of kittens and most hopefully pain free! Love the shoes too!

Shiralyn said...

I am always so happy to see that you post. I know then you are getting better, little by little and that is a better direction than you use to be going. Keep up the good work. Little at a time.

Lili said...

Your reminder to embrace normal reminds me of a quote I recently found that said: "The things you take for granted someone else is praying for." So true. I pray for you to have normal again Hilary. xo ~Lili

messymimi said...

Got plenty of boring normal here, except this week with my friends in town, and i do appreciate it has its good points.

Welcome to my world.

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