Wednesday, January 20, 2010

No not jumping.

From Crazy as a Loom

Some days are better than others. I try to pace myself, and not take on too much in any one day. Naps still work for me.
And snow makes me tired sometimes.

Recently, I had occasion to reevaluate part of my business. I was faced with having to make a decision that I didn't like one bit.
Ain't that a kick in the butt???
But I find that sometimes the script is better if I don't write it. And I didn't write this one. I thought long and hard about the issue at hand. Somehow, it seemed that overnight, Crazy as a Loom might have to redesign itself.
I stewed a bit, and talked to a couple of good friends, one my weaving guru, and the other, a friend that has known me since birth. I bounced some ideas off them, and heard what they had to say. They both cautioned me to not "JUMP".
Did I already tell you the story about not jumping. It is a great story, from my college days, so that should tell you about how old it is....anyway, it is by E.B. White, and it is called The Door.
For those of you who have about 5 minutes, you can read the whole thing right HERE.
But my favorite passage, the one that I have remembered all these years, is
this one:

"But it is inevitable that they will keep changing the doors on you, he said, because that is what they are for; and the thing is to get used to it and not let it unsettle the mind. But that would mean not jumping, and you can't. Nobody can not jump. There will be no not-jumping. Among rats, perhaps, but among people never. Everybody has to keep jumping at a door (the one with the circle on it) because that is the way everybody is, especially some people."

So I went to bed last night, with a whole bunch on my mind, trying to figure out which part of it was 'can't live without' and which part of it was 'don't worry about it'.
That is hard sometimes.
It is change that gets us. You know it's true. There have been plenty of times in my life, when I resisted change, even though my life SUCKED. Sorry.
But it is our nature to hold on to what we have, to clutch at it desperately, even if it makes us miserable. It is why abused women defend their abusers, and stay on. It is why abused children always love the parent that abuses them more than anyone.

We don't want to change.
At least that is our first reaction. But, if we allow ourselves to walk around the back of the stage, to see what is really going on, we might start thinking deeper about it.
So at 3am, I let it go. I told myself, it IS what it IS. I told my self that I will be fine whatever happens. I knew that I had been honest, and forthright about what I needed, and about what Crazy as a Loom needed. I knew I could do no more than that.
When I really let it go, I fell asleep, finally.
And this morning, an email that gave me an answer that I could not even have imagined. Stress event over. Problem solved.
Letting go just feels so good.

From Crazy as a Loom


Sharon said...

I'm glad since stress is not good for shingles - hope all things fall into place, without doors.

Bonnie Zieman, M.Ed. said...

Glad you found your answer! Like Sharon, I was going to say that this internal pressure you put on yourself could cause a flare-up of the shingles. (I'm the one who had it on my face and it does rear its ugly head again from time to time.....if I don't keep a tight rein on my thinking.) Take care. I LOVE those two photos BTW!!

Hilary said...

I'm glad for you. Letting it go is something with which I have a lot of trouble. It's a process.

Michael said...

"I find that sometimes the script is better if I don't write it."

That might quite possibly be my new theme of this year. Thank you. :)

The photographs were beautiful and I concur, letting go is a grand feeling. Indeed.

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

This Ozarks farm chick is a perfect example of a Type-A who hangs on like a dog to a meaty bone. I saw shingles mentioned above. If you are so inclined I have a natural recipe for shingles just email me and I will give it to you. It is amazing, usually dries the dang things up in about five days. Just sayin'. BTW, I'm not selling anything.

As we say here in the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, have a wonderfully blessed day, ya'll!!!

Valerie said...

Hmmm and the last post was about a real door. Glad you didn't jump and let go instead. Also, glad you shared....there is something(s) I need to let go of as well. Just didn't know it until I recognized what a black mood I've been in.

Hope you're continuing to feel better....and thanks again.

bspinner said...

We share one of my favorite sayings "it IS what it IS". Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that in my own life. Glad you're at that point. Nice Photos!

Country Girl said...

I'm glad whatever it was has worked itself out. And I do love that line about scripts. It's snowing? AGAIN?!

ethelmaepotter! said...

Congrats on being able to let go. Great words, great photos. And beautifully put together.

Janne said...

I love your blog, so personal. Decisions, decisions, what to do, my hardest part of life. Your pictures are beautiful.

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