I am finding that my attitude about blog posts is similar to my new attitude about my life.
l have never been this relaxed, ever.
Maybe it's getting older, or maybe not.
Maybe it started with the crack to the skull four years ago, or the surgeries that followed.
I'm not sure, but I know this, I am no longer driven like I was.
Oh sure, I still like to be productive. I still go overboard in ways that make other people raise their eyebrows.
But things HAVE changed.
I am happy to spend time "not working".
I am soaking up happy times like a sponge.
There are so many more reasons to be alive, than to work like a dog.
This girl reminds me every time I look at her.
I am taking cues from Sydney, who is happy all the time.
And she does nothing.
I take time to drink ice tea with fresh lemon on my screened porch, with a book.
If I am moved, I go in and weave another towel. My hip is fairly happy with this, and I weave until my neck is not.
I find that one towel, big break, another towel, another break..........is a sequence that works well.
It also allows me to do other things, something I have not given myself permission to do in a very long time.
Sometimes, I decide to cook. The other day I made some chick pea/green pea falafels, and had them over salad. On the porch. Oh, the decadence.
I am in a strange place that I am sure all of us get to. I love my family, but understand clearly that their lives are their own. As we get older, our role in the family changes.
But always, they mean everything.
I treat myself to crazy things, now that I have time to appreciate them.
I make sure to keep positive people in my life, and stay away from people who disappoint.
It's easier that way.
Letting go is one of the hardest things I'll ever do.
Letting go of the past, letting go of things that you thought defined you, things that you thought you couldn't live without.
Truth is, you can live without a lot. And even better, when you let go of stuff that has become a drudge, you open yourself up to so much more, horizons you didn't know existed.
All my life, I have used work as a reason to be alive, as a goal to keep moving, as a balm for bad times.
I am now settling in to a rhythm of days that soothe, and sustain, and make me happy for today, and excited for tomorrow.
Ah, now isn't that better??