Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Life changes

Sorry I have been so absent.   I guess I am (once again) going through life changes. 
They just keep coming, don't they?   And somehow, the more I am thinking things through, the less I have been inclined to blog.

I swear my brain got rebooted, and I am still trying to sort it all out.

After having only two serious headaches over 8 weeks in the SOUTH, I have had 5 days of serious headaches in 8 days.  Hear me sigh?
I think it is safe to say that my head does not like WINTER in the frozen northeast.

It is one thing to decide to make changes in your life.   We all do it.
But then there come those times, when  change is not entirely a matter of choice.   All those factors that you didn't ever have to take into consideration before, suddenly make change inevitable. 
And you're standing there, looking totally confused, saying whiskeytangofoxtrot?

I have decided that most of my "issues" with my life right now are all related to the concept of "too much".
Too much snow.
Oh, yes,  I know it will be gone.  April is almost here.  And I know that long, wintry winters are not my favorite thing.
Too much cold.   My neck HATES the cold.
Warm weather will come, and I just have to figure out how to avoid this deep freeze in my life.
But that involves a lot of change that is just not that simple.  It makes my head spin.

Too much stuff.
Everywhere I look....too. much. stuff.   I want to go through every closet, every book shelf, every nook and cranny......I want to divest myself of everything that I do not need.  I want to be minimalist.
The word "extraneous" keeps tripping through my brain

It seems like every negative in my life is the result of "too much".
When I jump on the scale.........too much food.
When I reconcile my bank account............too much money spent, too many bills.
When I feel anxious or indecisive..........too many choices.
When I feel overwhelmed.........too much to do.

It's the story of my life really.   I have always felt this "never enough" monster nagging at me.

My history of poor choices in men..............again, "too much" baggage.

That song keeps playing in my mind......"Happy"

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
 Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
 Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
 Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

I think I know what happiness is to me.
I think I know what I want to do.

And it doesn't involve "too much" of anything.  It's simpler, it's uncomplicated.
It's almost Thoreau.
Now I just have to get there.


Connie in Hartwood said...

I can't imagine what this is like fo ryou, but I get it. Too much.

April is coming. Take time to breathe.

Dizzy-Dick said...

Most people complain about "not enough". But you are right, too much is not a good thing either.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

Quality of life sounds like it's calling you to spend the winters someplace warmer. And that's my two cents. If you need two more, I'm happy to send it your way. :-)

Mary said...

This is an amazing post. I am going thru this too. I hate my job. At 65 I think maybe, just maybe, I can give it up and let go of all the baggage that goes along with it. What about the income you say? I don't know yet. There must be an way.

Michiele said...

I don't know if it is a function of age but I feel the same way. I want less of most everything but I want that less to be more meaningful if that makes sense. Feel better and keep exploring and sharing.

Terry said...

What if you could have the best of both worlds? Warm in the winter and home in the summer? How about packing up your favorite small (Baby Wolf/Pup?) loom(s) and your knitting needles and spinning wheel(?) in a motorhome and either using it to transport and travel south or to actually live in for the winter in the south? Maybe a smaller motorhome or travel trailer to be able to carry your loom etc south? I have my Baby Wolf and spinning wheel in our 40' luxury motorhome with 2 large slides, purchased 4 years ago, used, at 8 years of age, for a very decent price (we up-graded from a self-built bus) and though we travel and work (for over 15 years-fulltime!), I am a 62 year old self-taught weaver/spinner truly enjoying the wonderful advantages of living and working on the road. In the last week I turned out 2 scarves and a beautiful shawl in addition to the actual "work" that we do! Plus I can go to fiber fests all over the U.S. as we travel west for family and east because we love it, as we follow good weather! I'd love to talk to you about it, if and whenever you might like. Just a thought…………..Hugs!!

Susan Harvey said...

I have been trying to slow down my life where I can make the choices. It somehow compensates for the days where Life pushes in the door and takes over.

When that doesn't work... I try to enjoy the quiet time when they happen however brief!

Two days till spring... and I hope better weather eases the headaches.

Question for you: did you come home to your prize from my blog giveaway? I hadn't heard and so wonder if it made it there or not! :)

Hugs, Susan

Rain said...

Oh Hilary....... I wish I had words of comfort for you....... But alas..... It is an age old problem....... We spend the first part of our lives filling it with stuff and then trying to empty it.........I've been downsizing wherever I can- my family teases me because I am "tiny house" dreamin'!!!
About ur head.....that is such a drag.... There is something about being down here- my knees are always better- but I too am heading back to Maine this week---family and friends are the big calling card....... Feel better H

ain't for city gals said...

I hear you!...I really do! I just finished a booked called Saved by Ben Hewitt....the last two chapters totally described what I am feeling...it is about having ENOUGH...just enough..nothing more..nothing less. And also about thinking we have to keep making and spending money based on FEAR of not having enough. I am sure you can get it from the library(so you don't add to your stuff)...I have sold or given away about 1/2 of my "stuff" in the last two years...it is so freeing!

Vicky said...

You mimic and give voice to the thoughts that permeate my brain and thoughts daily. Amen! I feel so much the same way- I FEEL so much better in the warm months. And being cooped up with too much everything around us just feels like a bit of insanity at times. Glad you checked in with us!

Country Girl said...

My wish is that you get there to the place you need to be. For your neck and head and for your soul. If I had three wishes, this would be one of them.

Karen thisoldhouse2.com said...

...and I tell you... GO.


MarthaVA said...

I so feel what you are going through. I don't have the head and neck pain you have, but my mood this winter has gone to hell in a hand basket. I am so ready to sell everything, pack up, and go to California. That's the only place I can think of I could survive. Sunshine....copious amounts of sunshine, is what I need....I've always dreamed of what Terry, above, is doing. A small loom, a wheel, and lots of fiber, my pups, and hubby, and an RV and life on the road!

Sorry, enough of me. I hope you find the way to minimize what is in your life, and find relief from the pain.....by the way, has the doctor addressed this at all?
You are in my thoughts and sending healing vibes to you.

The Little Black Dog said...

The cold is too much for me too! Yet year after year I find myself still living where I do. I I could I would do 5 months on Cape Cod and 5 months somewhere south. Here's to less headaches this week.

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