Crazy as a Loom

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Yes, I'm bad.

I refuse to say "My bad" because I think it sounds ridiculous.  It's bad English.  And deep down in my heart, I'm an old English major.
Good grief.  I refuse to give in to nonsense like that.  What ever happened to just good old swear words.
You know the ones I mean.
My father used to be a "sailor", in the United States Navy, and he knew how  to swear like one.
Today we  string words together in a silly way, and expect people to smile and understand.

But I apologize, for my absence.
Here's the truth, because you know I'm going to tell you the truth.

I have had incredibly tough headache days, where I was banned from approaching all the bridges in the surrounding area.

And my mother is dying.
Is there a nicer way to say that?   Maybe, but that's what is happening.  Her heart is failing, and Hospice is helping us help her through whatever time she has left.
So my children and grandchildren have been here a lot, and it's been a little hectic.
I have only been to the studio for quick visits here and there.  Lois is holding down that fort.

I have been home the rest of the time.
When she rests, I take Roy for walks around the block, or I sew for my grandgirls.

The jean skirt from an old pair of jeans is on YouTube, just google it if you want to make one.

The skirts with the fabric on the bottom are just something I whip up, I measure the fabric to be TWICE around the bottom of the jeans where I have cut them off.
Then just measure the length you need.
Very easy.

They're fun and different, and I love making them, especially because I know that soon they will be older and won't want Mimi to make them skirts.  They won't be "cool" anymore.
So I love doing it NOW.

 I have a SKYPE with my doctor next Friday.  The 13th.  Yes.   Perfect.

This morning, I woke up and knew right away it was a better day headache wise.  Hallelujah.
Only a 6-7.   I wanted to cheer, and dance, but I knew I should be careful.

Youngest daughter came, and while my mother slept, we decided to make GLAZED PUMPKIN DONUTS.   I found the recipe over at Shine's Thyme.    I'm not sure if I should thank her, or throw rocks at her.
OMG, they are so GOOD.  And they had to be tested, you just know they did.

 We made a mess, but it was fun.  It was just the kind of diversion we needed right about then.


I think that as a family, we just need to spend time together, and we have.    It's good, for us, and for my mother.

We glazed some, and we left some plain, and we shook some in sugar and cinnamon.

DH kept appearing around the corner to STEAL one.

 So yes, I'm ok, in the broadest sense of the word.
I am doing one day at a time. 
I keep trying to remember that right now is really all that I have.
Right NOW.
Which I think calls for a donut.


Country Girl said...

Oh, Hilary. I've been thinking of you and wondering how you are. Thanks for your honesty. I love that you continue to find the joy in everyday things despite the turmoil in your life.

And I have never said My Bad either. It's just not me.

TexWisGirl said...

thanks for the memory. i used to make fried donuts w/ my mom so many years ago. she's been gone 9 years next monday. i know the pain you're facing...

Deb said...

I'm sorry to hear that life is tough right now, Hilary. Nothing pulls the rug out from under us more than when a loved one is very sick. I hope that having everyone surround your mom and go about doing family things will comfort her. She should be very proud of her wonderful family. Take care. Hugs, Deb (I'm still on cloud 9 with the birth of our new grand-daughter :-)

Susan said...

Don't worry about us, we'll still be here whenever you get back here. I'm sorry that things are rough for you right now (still), but it is good that you have family to help you with everything. Those donuts look fantastic! We used to make sourdough donuts; haven't thought about them in eons, but I may have to dig out the fixings soon.

Anonymous said...

A donut a day keeps sadness at bay. Make LOTS of donuts, it is a great diversion AND they taste good with coffee, tea or milk. I hope your mama can smell them as their fragrance wafts through the house. What a comfort. XOX.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the info on the skirts. I think they would be a good alternative to shorts next summer. My mom was cleaning out a closet and found a donut maker that goes back to about 1980 or so, and we made a batch. It will only make two donuts at a time, so I doubt we're any threat to Dunkin' Donuts, but it was fun.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

It's not an easy time, but a good hospice group can take care of so many things for your mom and the rest of you...that allows you some time to make donuts and a few new memories with your own daughters. And dang, those donuts look good! I bet they didn't last long. Take care of you and let others take care of you too, when you need it.

Shine said...

So sorry about your dad is also in his last days....very tough. Headaches...I have migraines only occasionally, but honestly...I don't think I could take them more than that. You are a very tough lady...and you make wise decisions...time with your daughter is most valuable indeed. Now...on to those donuts...WOWEE!!! Yours REALLY look yummy!!! I pray brighter days are ahead for us sister!!! Blessings~~Shine

JC said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

I do hope each of your moments are better. I've been busy with my own moments but I do hope you remember to keep on trying.


claudia said...

I have no words. I am sad for you and your family. This can't be easy, and of course, your reality brings my reality around to face me.
Peace my friend. And hugs.
Oh...could you please have a donut for me? Those look so yummy!

Hilary said...

You handle woes better than anyone I know. You inspire. And you compete with Congdon's!

Vanessa1988 said...

It's sad to read that your going through a hard time, stay strong and keep making those doughnuts, they look amazing :)

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

Hard times.
I am sorry about your mother and your bitch of a headache at the same time.
You and your mother are surrounded with family who love and support you. That is a precious thing to have.
Doughnuts helps to show life does go on.

rosek1870 said...

I am so sorry that you have to take this journey with your mom and family when your head hurts. It is a difficult journey when you feel good. I am glad you have hospice help. They do easy the pain for both your mom and you. Mom gave us a gift in her final days of telling us what she was seeing which I feel gave us a wonderful glimpse of where she was going which was a wonderful place with her brothers and her children (she said the room was full of children which we like to believe were the children of her 7 miscarriages). At the end she asked me to walk her home. I know she was ready to go and I was ready to let her. I miss my best friend every day but I am at peace knowing I will see her again and she is with me every day. Praying you and your family gt the gift of that peace and just love her and each other to the end. Praying your dr. has an answer to your pain.
Hugs & Prayers,

Susan said...

Truth be told...I'm in a foul mood too. One of my friends, whom I've known since childhood, passed away on Friday from cancer. I hate cancer and want to shout from the rooftops how much I hate that it continues to take beautiful people in my life. I'm sorry about your mother and that your headache has returned, but I think it's understandable to be mad at the bad things life throws at us. You're in my prayers, XOXO

Gayle said...

You and yours are in my heart.

OMG, the donuts look divine! Skirts are too cute for words.

That RoyBoy deserves a big smooch, give him one for me.

Rain said...

Damn......damn.....damn.......Hilary good grief I wish u didn't have to be the one to handle all this at once...... The little things are the best and U are doing great with those. The donuts sound great- and I don't even like donuts-gasp-I know really??!?!? I rember making skirts like those- very colorful- your grands will have such wonderful memories--and many more. You are one of the bravest women I know- I know we do what we have to do- but some more gracefully then others :)

the wild magnolia said...

among the reality of your life at this time, you have entwined the gather of family, passing time. so wonderful.

i am sorry about your Mom. may she go gently into her sweet night.

and God please, please, have answers from the doctor.

Prayers and ((hugs))

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry about your mom and your headache. You are due for a break. This is a tough thing to go through - I will keep you in my thoughts.

Vicky said...

I'm thinking of you Hilary and praying for all of you. With my own mother being sick with a progressive disease, I know you are where I will one day follow. I'm just going to pray you through :) For a lessening of the headaches, and peace and comfort for all of you.

What is with you and I scheduling Dr. Appts. on Friday the 13th? I am also going to find out my mri brain results that day- sheesh- I know...

BUT- the doughnuts are sheer genius- and pumpkin you say? Oh my- brilliant!

thotlady said...

Right now is all any of us have. I have to remind myself that all the time. Hang in there.

MarthaVA said...

Triple ((( hugs)))

1horsetown said...

You know, the body just goes along fine and then, all of a sudden, it decides it's done. No fanfare, only subtle warnings.

Hospice is a Godsend. Don't know how they do it, but I'm so thankful they do.

The skirts are beyond cute. I doubt my 10 yr old boy would be caught dead in one, regardless.

Karen said...

ooooh, those do look ridiculously good. Damn it all to hell, I need the recipe and shall go find it.


Sending love your way, hoping your mother's remaining days are good and peaceful surrounded by family...

Loomatic said...

I am sorry for your sadness but admire how you handle it.

I think I could smell the donuts through the computer :-) Yum!

Daryl said...

hugs ..

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts