Friday, May 7, 2010

Keep moving.

I feel like a big girl. I do.
Not only do I have a REAL credit card machine hooked up to my computer, instead of the "knuckle buster" I have been using for years, but I am now operational with Quick Books.
And no, I didn't figure it out by myself. Not by a long shot.
Thank goodness for Tina, from CBH Business Services, in Glens Falls, SHE made it happen. Now I just have to do it, and I am committed.
Anything to make life simpler. That's my motto.
So this morning, while I was waiting for her to arrive, I started weaving this wild rug of stripes.
It is 8 ft long.
Why??? Why, you might ask, did you weave it EIGHT FEET LONG? For crying out loud.
Well, (I answer) I wove it 8 ft long, because I WANTED to, and because I COULD.
Ain't it purty????

From Crazy as a Loom
And after I swore to you all, that I would not ever tell prison stories, I went to sleep last night, and my dream of prison was so real, I woke in a sweat.
Lord have mercy.
I guess, looking back, it was one of the things I hated most about being there. Walking down corridors, when whole companies of inmates were coming straight at me. Thirty some sets of eyes, all staring, or pretending not to. Murmurs, whispers, wisecracks occasionally loud enough to pick out. The feeling that you were walking through danger and bad attitudes.
Me in my scrubs a size too big, and a lab coat to my knees. Them in green, all green. And one officer, in blue. Never has the sight of blue looked so good.
I didn't mind so much walking through the cell blocks. I walked fast. So everyone told me. They said that they had never seen a woman walk so fast. And if I was really, really quiet, sometimes I had passed by each cell before the occupant knew I was even out there. Once in a while, someone would holler out, "You're sposed to announce yourself".......yes, there was that rule. All females were supposed to 'announce' their presence on the gallery.
Are you out of your ********** mind?????? Announce myself?
I think not.
Be quiet, go fast. Don't look anywhere but at your feet. At the same time, have eyes in the back of your head, so no one sneaks up on you.
But meeting them in the hallways, when they were coming back from the yard, or chow, those were the times I felt most vulnerable. And worse even, was meeting them where there was little room to walk between them and the cells on the other side.
I didn't much feel like a big girl, at all.
Some things I hope to forget, but that feeling of being naked in a way that defies description, I will never forget that, no matter how long I live.


Tina J said...

Hilary, I am glad you don't have to live that ever again!

Lona said...

Sounds like you were a prisoner of sorts, too. How sad.

Sweetpea said...

That is absolutely TOOO purty...luv this rug! My goodness, Hilary, I'm not sure how to even respond... You have experienced what most of us have not.

Karen said...

Beautiful rug...

and great post.. you write very well, so sorry for the terrifying experiences of your work. Glad you are out.

Jayme Goffin, The Coop Keeper said...

I had to read this twice. I thought YOU were in prison (ala Martha Stewart) and I had to wonder what you did to get there! My friend works as a nurse in a prison. It's not pretty. Love the rug! Thanks so much for the loopers - now, bear with me, I'm a weaver newbie. Do I connect those before I weave with them? Like a chinese jumprope? :<>

Hilary said...

Sounds like a very unnerving experience for sure. I'm glad that it's in your past.. aside from when you revisit in your dreams. It's strange but when you described your scrubs (which I assumed were white) and the sea of green inmates and one blue officer, I imagined you beginning a new rug with mostly green, a bit of white and a solitary blue stripe.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you did that for 20 years, Hilary. I can't imagine going to work every day under that kind of stress. No wonder you still have dreams about it.
The rug is reminds me of Portugal. We go yearly to visit my mother-in-law, and we've brought back several similar long rugs. There is a cottage industry for weaving rugs in the area we visit - women are supplied with the raw materials and the rugs are sold at a small shop in town. The colour schemes are often unexpected, always interesting.
Weave On, John Donne, Weave On...
Karen (Rural Revival's Mom)

Country Girl said...

I can see why you'd wake up in a sweat, remembering that.

And it's your rug, you do what you want! Congrats on the big girl machine.

Country Girl said...

Yeah, that sounds weird.

Kathy said...

I can't begin to know how you felt about being at your job. But I'm glad you are "out". I just found your blog a few minutes ago and your rugs are absolutely FABULOUS! GORGEOUS would be another word I would use, too. I love color, too. I use a more coordinated approach to my quilting, but when it comes to my rug hooking, it's C-O-L-O-R. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Such a wonderful rug! I missed this entry for some reason. Hmmm,


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