Start again.

The more I thought about the 30 day minimalist challenge, the more intrigued I was.  Could I really do it????

Doing the math, it amounts to giving up/throwing out almost 500 items in 30 days.

I didn't want to wait until February 1st,  I was afraid I would lose the wild inspiration that I felt.  So I decided to catch up to the date.  For two days I filled boxes with stuff that I didn't need, didn't really want, forgot I had.  I am now up to the 25th, and I have divested myself, and this house, of about 300 items.  I am amazed, excited, and a little afraid.

By my calculations, I have about 200 more things to find in this house that are not going to stay.  This is going to get much harder, I think.  My middle daughter asked why I just didn't get rid of 4 or 5 things a day.   I answered her this:   increasing the number on a daily basis pushes you to really, really dig deep, in your home, in all the little corners that you stuff junk, but also in your head.......asking those questions that really reverberate.....how many cups do we really need?  how many towels?  how many pairs of socks?

I am pretty sure I can do ONE day in my sock drawer.  I know I have a day's worth in the toy box that I keep for my grands.  Another in the cupboard in the bathroom, and another in my yarn (knitting) stash.  Then there's my fabric scraps.  And on and on.  You get the drift.

It also makes me think a lot about stuff that I bring in to the house....stuff that I buy.

DH is really, really bad about buying things that he doesn't need, and never uses after he opens the package.  Some of those things will disappear soon.   

You may  wonder where all this stuff is going.   A big bag went right in the trash.   New bestselling books went to the library....they were happy to get them.   Clothes to the thrift shop.   A couple of friends took single items that they wanted.   Weaving books are getting sold on FB, as well as Handweaving magazines.   Knitting books gifted to someone I don't even know, just for the price of shipping.

Boxes of miscellaneous are being picked up later today ..........free.........to someone that contacted me on Marketplace.

The key is:   IT'S ALL GOING.

I feel strangely liberated, and I'm not even halfway through.  

I am saving the attic space over the studio for last.......that will be my ACE in the hole.

Maybe this is just another way to get through these times.  I wonder.  My world feels small, confined mostly to my house, the studio, the chickens, dog walks and occasional trips out for necessities.

My day starts like this, soft light through the windows, fire in the stove.  Cuppa coffee.  The NY Times Crossword.   I'm a addict for it, I'm afraid.

Then there's these two, taking their morning snooze, next to me on the sofa.  They are such creatures of habit.  I really don't know what I would do without them.

The good news is that the steroid injection worked, and I have relief, even if it's only for a while.  I am grateful, and hopeful, in spite of the evidence.  Isn't life just like that sometimes.  I always want to look towards the sunny side of things.  Maybe I can push this  surgery ahead to a non Covid world.  That would be nice.

I did walk the dogs with L yesterday, and it was nice.  So far, so good.  I'm trying to do a few days a week, not pushing my luck.

I am doing a little weaving, here and there.  No pressure, really, to produce, so I'm just (for once) doing 

what I want.

To say I am relieved that 2020 is over would be such an undertatement.  And maybe I'm foolish to imagine that 2021 will be better, but I have to imagine that, or go crazy.

When I think about all the negatives, I could lose myself in the pity pot.  Life is just 

damn hard sometimes.  Harder for some, than others, that's for sure.

But always, I come back to gratitude.

I have so much to be thankful for.   I just have to stop, and remind

myself.

I have also come to the conclusion, that in many ways I am way too hard on myself.  Lately, when I realize that I am wallowing just a wee bit, I curl up on the couch and take a little nap.  Naya and Willie are all too willing to take one with me.   It's probably a comical sight to see the three of us cozied up on the sofa together.   I sleep deeply for 30-60 minutes, and when I wake up, the world looks different to me.  So I have to conclude that maybe, just maybe, I have worn myself out.

So for now, I will just keep plugging away, doing my best to do what I do......weaving, reading, making soup, walking dogs.  Whatever is right in front of me.

Moroccan Lentil Chick Pea

If I begin to feel overwhelmed, I ask myself............"can you get through this day?"

Well, of course I can.

And I"m hopeful.   New beginnings.   Change.   So very welcome.

 

No surprises.

I've been listening to the arguments in the HOUSE regarding impeachment of YOU KNOW WHO, and to be honest, none of the insipid, pandering support of those same Congressmen who have been on his side for the last four years, surprises me one bit.  I had to turn it off.  My head was about to explode.

I doubt that the results will be a shock to anyone.

Now I'm on the sofa, with a roaring fire, two sleeping dogs, and a cuppa tea.  So there.

On the other hand, I went to ortho today about my knee.  

Seems removing part of my meniscus, caused the already narrow space in my knee joint to get rather "bone on bone".  Basically, my knee is on fire, in lay terms.   They did surgery on a knee that was already a train wreck.  I knew that.   I don't blame them.

So now, I do need a total knee replacement......and yes, that little voice in my head says why didn't we just do that in the first place?

Well, there's Covid, so they can't do it now, and they prefer not to do it too soon.  So I got a steroid shot in my knee, and in the weeks to come, we can try the "viscous" injection, all in the attempt to put this surgery off until some normalcy prevails.   Am I surprised?  Not at all.  I knew from the level of pain, that it was not good.

Truth is, I wrecked my knees when, in my forties, I decided I wanted to be a runner.   And run I did, 3-5 times a week, 3-5 miles every time.  I kept a calendar.  You're not surprised???  Oh, yeah, I kept track of the miles like weaving yardage off a loom, like pretty much everything I have ever done in my life....full board.  My knees, unfortunately, took the brunt of it.

At the time, I was married to an emotionally abusive alcoholic, and that's how I coped.

I remember one day, with half a load on, he commented as I jogged down the driveway, that I had the calves of  Russian weightlifter.   For a moment, I was hurt, and then..............I smiled.

It  actually made me run more.

I've been following a blogger in Wales, who is big on minimalism.  I got interested in the 30 day challenge that she is doing.  I wanted to find someone to do it with me, on a bet, so to speak.  I'm not having any luck.

How to play the 30 day challenge

But I think I'm going to start it February 1st, with or without another person to compete against.

I think it will be good for me.

I have places like this..........with drawers full of MINUTIAE.......

I am sure it will be difficult towards the end......but I still think it is doable.

The doctor said I can start walking, apparently it is too late to worry about doing any harm........so there's that.

Even though I am enjoying playing with all the color I've got going on the AVL, I still miss getting out with L and the dogs every day.  I'm going to work my way back into it, and pray I get some relief from the steroid injection.   

Oh, and by the way......since I have dumped my aggravating, time sucking web site, I have put my towels on FB, and they are available at the top of the page, here, under the tab  AVAILABLE TOWELS.  I will add them as they come off the loom.

I read something the other day, about finding meaning in our lives.   The upshot of it was, there really isn't any.   All there really is, says the writer, is what we do every day, no matter how menial or insignificant it seems.  It's about the structure and the integrity of our days.

There's something very freeing about that, and something that stops me in my tracks.  I may have spent way too much time trying to figure out what the meaning of my life was, when maybe, it's just as simple as having a cuppa tea while talking to you all.

Who knew?

For the record

I don't often get into the political scene here  on my blog......it's not my thing.  But for the record, I have to say this.

When the POTUS goes on camera, and says in all seriousness, to the crowd taking over the Capitol Building, "I love you.  You're special."...........well, that's seriously the most egregious and disgusting thing that I have ever heard.

I do not say this being uninformed.  I watch the news, I read the NY Times faithfully every morning.....I listen to the radio most days in the studio.  I DO know what is happening in politics.  I DO pay attention.

And in my 73 years here on this earth, I have never, ever experienced anything that has made me feel this sad, and disenfranchised, and angry.  

That being said, I have no idea why Joe Biden wouldn't rather retire on the beach somewhere.  He's walking into the worst mess........can I say "shit show" here??............on the planet.  I do not envy him the job that he has to do.  

I hope that he gets the vaccine out in massive quantities.........I hope that he restores to us the normalcy that we used to take for granted.

I know one thing.......I will not miss the craziness coming out of the White House.  I will not miss his face, his lies, his total lack of caring.   I hate all of this, as so many of you do.   The pandemic has torn all our lives apart, and it didn't have to, it could have been handled so differently from the beginning.  As a nurse for 30 years, I am pretty positive that had we known about this virus when HE knew, we would be in a very different place right now.  You may ask yourself how one man can impact so MANY lives.   Well, google Adolf Hitler, and  see how easily it can happen.

I have tried, very hard for some time to "self soothe".......doing things that make me happy......attempting to take myself far from all that is going on.  It doesn't always work.  Sometimes it does.

On the subject of my knee....well, it is not good news.  The pain level is increasing...on the inside of my knee, where the meniscus tore....so I don't know if it has torn again, or it's just not healing.   Advil/Tylenol.....nothing......helps anymore.  I am still not walking the dogs, thank God for L and friends.

I see ortho this week.....I'm sure they will want to do another MRI.....$$$$$$$.......and go from there.

I want to be able to walk.....it's one of the things in my life I am not ready to give up.

It's funny, because back in October, I was worried about a total knee replacement, which they said I don't need.  But if I had gotten a new knee back then, I would probably be much better by now.  Ironic.

Life has a way of changing, and taking away stuff, whether you are ready or not.  I hope that is not the case now.  It seems like 2020 is seeping on over to 2021.........we are all ready for something better.

I audibly sigh here, because it's hard to see it right now.

Driving to the store today, I remembered my friend, Gayle.  She died last summer, and I miss her still.

Every now and then I reach for my phone, thinking of something I want to tell her.  Today I was thinking about how when we were 13, we discovered that we could send each other messages in the dark, with flashlights in the windows. We didn't know Morse code, so not sure how we thought we were going to manage that.

She lived quite a ways away, but there was a clear shot from her house to mine, over the fields.   It's gone now, people have built houses.  It's like so many things that are just so different.

I have to remind myself that today is all we have.......just today.   We can make it better, any way we can.

Or not.

Back to my tea, and my book.  I'm trying.

Working onit

Some days I am disappointed, and some days lately I am aimless.  That's the best description.  I have a lot of thing to do, or things I could do, and can't get interested in any of them.  This is not usual for me, nor has it ever been, my entire life.  So when it does happen, I flounder a bit.

Yesterday, I was going to surprise my youngest, and get to see my grands, since they and I have been staying home, and are pretty safe.  Then I found out that my daughters were meeting and having their Dad for lunch, so I stayed home.  I could have gone, I am on good terms with him, we have been apart for 35 years or so.  That doesn't mean I want to spend the afternoon with him.  

So I decided to get over it, and get busy doing something, even if it was wrong.   I have an empty Louet David, my favorite little loom, so I finished winding a warp, then I sleyed the reed, threaded the heddles, and beamed it on......it took all afternoon.  I just finished by dinner time, and soon it was ready to weave.

As I suspected, I got through the day fine, and set my sites on next weekend.

Empty looms disturb me, and have since I started weaving.

Dressing the loom takes concentration, and I am unable to worrry, or stress, or let any imagined problems go wild.  It's a good thing.

Lois is weaving pinwheels on the Baby Wolf.

It's fussy work, and she does it well.

I've been doing some knitting, and this is one of the owl hats I finished.  I was using buttons for the eyes, per the pattern, and they were really awful to sew on.   Then I had an aha moment, and tried SNAPS......they went on in no time.......( I did want to say "in a snap")....and they look better in my opinion.   If you zoom in, you might agree.

My AVL loom has been acting up, and I've been emailing AVL and talking to my neighbor who is brilliant about figuring out stuff.......and finally today I got it working.  I hope it lasts.

I've been trying to eat healthy.  Here's my garlic sesame tofu with soba noodles.  I ate it two nights in a 

row, it was so good.  The best part....it comes together in no time.

I'm sure I am not alone in my efforts to get my husband to pick up after himself.  Even a little.  Even every now and then.  It's hopeless, let me tell you.

 So sometimes, I lose it.  Yes, I really do.

This has been on the counter for two days.

In my present state of mind, it may stay on the counter for the rest of the month.

OK, it's a childish response, but oh, does it make me feel better.