The size of things

I have had a questionable relationship with food.  My appetite has always been hearty to say the least.
I was always very active, so it was never an issue.  I ran, I worked, hey, I was YOUNG.

For many years, I didn't notice it, my metabolism seemed set high enough to burn off what I put into my body.  But as I got older, I began to get the extra weight around the middle, and Lord have mercy, I looked "matronly" even to myself.
I avoided mirrors.
My profession somewhat contributed to my gain of weight over the years.  As an RN for 30 years, I wore scrubs, and because I worked in a prison, I made sure they were as baggy and loose as I could get away with.  Let's just say it was easy to ignore those extra pounds.
 I would appease myself by telling myself that I was no where near as overweight as that enormous person I saw at the grocery store.
But does it matter, really?
I knew, and have known, for some time, that I needed to lose it.
Seven years ago, I did.  I went to Weight Watchers, and dropped 20 lbs.  I felt great, got into all my clothes for the first time in a long time, and was quite proud of myself.
But it has creeped back on, plus another 5.  My excuse, probably not a bad one, for the last 2+ years, was that I couldn't deal with the headache, AND a diet.  It was just too much to ask of myself.

There were times, when my headache was so bad, I sent DH out to buy a bag of Cheetos for me. A big bag.
It didn't help the headache, but it made me happy regardless.
I didn't share either, by the way.
Being a vegetarian does not mean that you will get thin...in fact, I find that I eat more carbs than I ever did, to make up for it.  Not good.  Not good at all.  Occasionally, I consider eating meat again, but I just can't get myself there either.

I have researched so many options.  The internet is full of diets, and plans, and theories. But since WW worked for me before, I see no reason why it won't work again.  The trick, for me, is not to think about it as a diet, but as a change in life style.  It is about being cognizant of what I put into my mouth.
My daughter said that she read someplace that exercise is just the tip of the iceberg, the bulk of the issue is what you eat.  I believe that.
I know that I don't want to get obsessed with some new fad that won't last.

Since I am not a meeting person, I joined WW online.  There's a free APP for my phone, and I can track what I eat, and find points values no matter where I am.  I have been doing it for three weeks, and I have lost 10 lbs.  It works.  And honestly, it really isn't that hard.  It is just MINDFULNESS about food.  
I still go out for pizza on Friday night.  I just PLAN for it.  No more willy nilly, eating whatever is in front of me.
Paying attention.  That's my game.
My 50th class reunion is this summer.  My lifelong friend and I have decided that we are going to look "mighty fine" for our age.  Not to impress anyone else, hell no.  Just to impress ourselves.
Just to feel really good about our weight, for once.
I am also tempted to buy (5) 5 lb bags of sugar, and put them somewhere  where I can see them often.
Because that is what I've been carrying around.  10 down, 15, maybe 20, to go.

What really clinched it was a photo that my daughter and I took while I was in Florida.  We were sending it to my son in law, to make him feel bad that he wasn't there, in the sun, drinking his favorite beer, Kalik from the Bahamas.

Against every fiber of my being, I would much rather ERASE it.........I am going to share this photo with you.......because in a few months, I am going to be sharing a photo of me WITHOUT that spare tire.
I PROMISE.
 Nothing like putting yourself out on a limb, eh????

 Yup, I am ok with getting older.  What point would there be NOT being ok with it?
And I don't mind the wrinkles, and the hair getting whiter by the day.   I put up with the achy joints, I know that's just part of the whole picture.
But the ghastly weight around my middle......well, I don't have to put up with that.  THAT, my friends, is up to ME.

I am on a mission.

I may be getting older, but I am also getting thinner, if it's the very last thing I ever do.

Stay tuned.

And no, I am not a big beer drinker.  I would never give up points for that.

Realistically

Impending storm.     Wow, what a surprise!!!

Some things I have discovered/decided:

1.  I  hate spinning.   I have tried and tried to like it, but I just don't.  I can do it, pretty well actually, but it bores me to tears.  So I am going to sell my Louet S10 double treadle wheel.  It's a part of my downsizing efforts

2.  I love croissants.   I could eat them every day.   And I have decided that no matter how hard they look, I am going to make my own.

3.  I am going to buy a new furnace for the studio.   Then when I am gone for 3 months next year, I can just pay for oil, and not worry.  And pellets won't have to be carried from the barn.
I will also need to buy less pellets!!  My poor old house has had the same old furnace for about 40 years........it sounds like a VW bug when it takes off.

4. I am pretty much done with custom orders, unless they are easy, or wicked fun. Call me ornery.  I don't care.

5.   The only thing that matters is being happy, being ok with yourself, and being with the people that you love.  All the rest is bull**%*&&#!

6.  I will never arrive, I am always on the journey.  I need to remind myself of that, often.

 

Mostly, I am grateful.

You think I'm crazy?   (she's had a headache for over 2 years, and she's grateful?)

Yup, grateful to be here.  Grateful for the chance to go on living my life.  Grateful for my incredible family, and my fantastic friends.

 

I think, in fact, a little more gratitude is in order.

No snow PICTURES.

Freezing rain this morning.
More snow tomorrow.
Reminding me not so subtly that I don't want to be here in March either.

So drinking my coffee, I am thinking of sunshine, think sharing some photos of that would make you a lot happier, and I know it will make me a lot happier.


While I overall did not care for Florida, I did love the sunshine.
So did my kids when they came to visit.

My grandsons are almost 14, and almost 17.  I can't believe how big they've grown.

My grandaughters are only a year apart, but one is tall, the other tiny.
They love each other so.

Daughter #1 and daughter #2, having fun at the beach.

 Someone is a drama queen.

Hmm, when your 10 year old daughter carries you piggyback, the world has shifted.

 Now there, wasn't that better than the frigid view out my window??

I long for spring, and just hope that we don't launch right into summer, without having a chance to warm up slowly.  Watching the earth do that is very special.

This morning I emailed a customer, and said NO to some custom rugs they wanted me to make.
I have been mulling it over for days.
Finally, I woke up and it was clear.
The order was too picky, it wasn't going to be fun, there wasn't enough money in the world to make it fun, and I don't want to do it.
Stop cheering, Lois.
Yes, you were right. 

Sunshine! Pickles!

Refusing to think about the weather, keeping busy and keeping close the simple truth that spring will come.
Yes, it will.

The studio was sunny today, there is nothing like the morning sun streaming through those old windows with their wavy glass.
The floors and the looms are golden in the light, the colors of fabric and thread make me happy.

 

Lois and I worked on the Toika loom all day, working to get the black warp off it that we put on before my last surgery.  Ack.

We wove a 5' x 7' rug in shades of BLACK.  It was a good day's work.

 

 I think it turned out really nice.  
Now we will be putting an off white warp on, for some more BIG RUGS.  We are going to have a stash.

You know you live in the country when you get a note like this on your back door.   I put some xxx's over her phone number.
No need to call her.  Not sure why she left that.
She's borrowed the Havahart before, and she is pretty reliable about bringing it back.
I hope she catches her possum.

And I hope she brings pickles.

Broken stuff.

This cupboard came from my little house in the country, where years ago, my number 1 daughter decided to force the door shut.  She didn't realize that something was pushing on the glass, and when she pushed, the glass broke.
The glass has been missing ever since.  I actually went and bought a piece for it, but before I could put it in, that got broken, too.
It seemed my old dish cupboard was destined to be in a state of disrepair.

But then I went south for 8 weeks, and while I was gone, Lois decided to get it fixed for me, as a birthday present.
 And yes, she is clever, but not that clever.  She did, however, persuade Claire, who is VERY clever,  to do it for her.

So at long last, my cupboard is whole again.   This is the kind of birthday gift that I love.   Unexpected, appreciated, one of a kind, thoughtful.
Thanks, Lois, and thank you Claire.
Fantastic job!!!

 

My granddaughter broke her foot in gym.

I just wanted to show you the tiniest ever pair of crutches.

You can't see it, but she has a cast from her knee down.

 

 I have been watching my littlest grandbaby, who is as sweet as she can be, and also the lightest sleeper I have ever known.
Good grief.
Nothing like a tiny little person to make you feel like you have to be at least 100.

I am trying to get my groove back.  It's not easy.  The weather is totally depressing.  And even though this newest storm is supposed to miss us, my HEAD can feel it barreling down on the east.  There has to be a better way of predicting low pressure systems.

A little silk from Michael at Georgia Yarn
I am loving it.

 

And here it is in a different colorway.

I highly recommend Georgia Yarn....great products, friendly and fast service, good prices.

Off to work.  L and the Toika for big rug weaving are waiting on me.

Little of this

Sitting looking out the window with my cuppa tea, where I have spent so much time the past two and a half years.   Waiting/hoping/praying for my headache to "dial down", so I can get on with my day.

If nothing else, my plans for NEXT winter are becoming clearer.

Heat to my neck, just me and my lap top.....anything else would require me to move my head, and that is not something I want to do right now.

So........

Let me share a couple of things with you.......that I was introduced to on my travels south.

One, was the BUTTER BELL.   Oh, my, I love this thing, because there is nothing worse than butter that is hard as a rock.

Every couple of days, you change the water.......about an inch or so.

Here's what mine looks like.

Here's what mine looks like when DH has a go at it.  

PLEASE, someone save me!

Another find worth mentioning is usually the only reason I ever go to Red Lobster.

They are super simple, and absolutely the bomb.  Unfortunately, I found them in Walmart, not my favorite place.  I'm sure other grocery stores will have them soon.


One more thing, that I have not acquired yet, but will.

Tomodachi.

The sharpest, coolest knives, EVER.

You can get all this stuff on Amazon, by the way.


Some other things I loved in the south.............field peas........pecans..........fresh, fresh fruit.......a strange sandwich made with a croissant, egg, cheese, then dipped and finished like french toast....they called it a "crusher".  It looked nothing like a croissant, and BEGGED for syrup.

But mostly, I am missing the blue skies, the warmth, the sun, the lack of a headache. 
And you just can't find that on Amazon.

Life changes

Sorry I have been so absent.   I guess I am (once again) going through life changes. 
They just keep coming, don't they?   And somehow, the more I am thinking things through, the less I have been inclined to blog.

I swear my brain got rebooted, and I am still trying to sort it all out.

After having only two serious headaches over 8 weeks in the SOUTH, I have had 5 days of serious headaches in 8 days.  Hear me sigh?
I think it is safe to say that my head does not like WINTER in the frozen northeast.

It is one thing to decide to make changes in your life.   We all do it.
But then there come those times, when  change is not entirely a matter of choice.   All those factors that you didn't ever have to take into consideration before, suddenly make change inevitable. 
And you're standing there, looking totally confused, saying whiskeytangofoxtrot?

And 

I have decided that most of my "issues" with my life right now are all related to the concept of "too much".

Too much snow.

Oh, yes,  I know it will be gone.  April is almost here.  And I know that long, wintry winters are not my favorite thing.

 

Too much cold.   My neck HATES the cold.

Warm weather will come, and I just have to figure out how to avoid this deep freeze in my life.

But that involves a lot of change that is just not that simple.  It makes my head spin.

Too much stuff.

Everywhere I look....too. much. stuff.   I want to go through every closet, every book shelf, every nook and cranny......I want to divest myself of everything that I do not need.  I want to be minimalist.

The word "extraneous" keeps tripping through my brain

It seems like every negative in my life is the result of "too much".

When I jump on the scale.........too much food.

When I reconcile my bank account............too much money spent, too many bills.

When I feel anxious or indecisive..........too many choices.

When I feel overwhelmed.........too much to do.

It's the story of my life really.   I have always felt this "never enough" monster nagging at me.

My history of poor choices in men..............again, "too much" baggage.

That song keeps playing in my mind......"Happy"

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

 Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

 Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

 Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

I think I know what happiness is to me.
I think I know what I want to do.

And it doesn't involve "too much" of anything.  It's simpler, it's uncomplicated.
It's almost Thoreau.
Now I just have to get there.

The jury may be in.

Back in the frozen northeast.  Just in time for a furious snow storm, followed by freezing rain that has encased the world in ICE.
Everyone is saying ENOUGH ALREADY.
I can't even process it.

I refuse to put a picture of this winter wonderland on my blog......(hear the sneer).......I would rather see one of my friend's screen porch in the late afternoon sun.......you know, GEORGIA, where I think winter is usually more simple.
 Yeah, they had an ice storm, in 3 or 4 days, they were back to NOTHING on the ground.  The temps were moderate........not to them.........but to me, oh yeah.

But here's the clincher.  We got back Monday.   We were gone for 8 weeks.........we stopped in Virginia, then stayed a week in Georgia, went to Florida, stayed several weeks, came back to Georgia for about 10 days, then to Tennessee for 2, back to Virginia, and home.  
I had TWO BAD HEADACHES in that whole time.......all the rest were not even worth the mention.

NOW, I have been back for 4 days.......and I have had TWO BAD HEADACHES.
It has to be the weather.  Otherwise, I just don't understand it.

I was happy to get back to the studio, I missed being there so much.   I must say that the concept of being "on vacay" for 8 weeks, did not really suit me.   I have to rethink going someplace warmer next year.  It is obvious that I need to get away from this frigid north if I don't want to suffer all winter long, but I need to have a different plan.
I need to take a loom, or two.

I guess under other circumstances, I could just move to Georgia.  I grew quite fond of it.
And while I suppose it is possible that I could move my studio, my children, my grandchildren, and my friends, are here. 
I can't leave them, don't want to.  That's non negotiable.
There ain't no sunshine worth that.

While on my travels, I got a chance to meet some of my blog followers, and fellow weavers, when I went to Tennessee.   I got to spend a few hours with some of the Tuesday Weavers at the Appalachian Craft Center in Norris, TN.   What a fantastic group!!!!   I so enjoyed meeting them in real time, I only wish I lived closer.  It makes a weaver's heart beat fast, just to be around all those looms, and people who love them. 

Eat your heart out, Ellen DeGeneres...........

I didn't realize what a tan I had until I saw this.

Thanks, ladies.   I hope to see you all again, on a Tuesday this time.

Hmm......maybe a rental in Tennessee is in my future.

Trippin' in Georgia.

I'm here........I know there are some of you who have wondered, and maybe even worried.  But I'm back, and I'm fine.

Florida is past tense, I'm in Georgia now, spending quality time with a life long friend.........well, since 7th grade anyway, and that SEEMS like a lifetime.



So come along, we took a little road trip.

I'm not gonna bash Florida, but let's just say it's really not for me.  Nothing resonates.

I am intrigued by all the old and abandoned houses in Georgia.......so I tried to take pictures of them all.   But I won't live long enough.

Maybe I love Georgia because there are so many back roads.  I love love love back roads.

Love the red, red, dirt.

Not so crazy about the disturbing way they totaly ravage the land cutting down pine trees.

And don't replant trees, but instead leave a godawful mess that to be honest, doesn't happen in NY

I'll talk less.......too many pictures, you'll be here all night.

And there are some lovely INTACT buildings, as well.

They just aren't as much fun to take pictures of.

I don't think this is what Petula Clark meant by "Downtown".

Downtown has seen better days.
For sure.

Not just the IGA, but SANDY'S IGA.  Hmm.

There were loose dogs chasing my car down the street.  It was bizarre.

I think I am falling for Georgia.
And did you notice?????  NO SNOW. NO ICE.
And even better.............hardly ANY HEADACHE.
Yeah, baby.