Day 366.

 2012.
  The last day of the year.  I keep thinking about it, and I am dead sure that I could not have ever guessed what my life would be like this past year, and I don't even think I could have made it up if I tried.
The terms.....Chiari, basilar invagination, cervical fusion.......they swirl around in my head sometimes.

Still hard to believe.

The good news is that I made it through all of it.  You know because you were right here with me.  And believe me, I felt that.  It was good, knowing that this whole host of friends had your back.  You worried, and you prayed, and you sent me good energy.
That's unbelievable to me, that you did that.  But I know you did.

And the people who took care of me in person, those dear friends, my family............well, I can't begin to tell you how lucky I am.  I often think about how everyone put themselves out for me, to be there for me, to do the things I could not do, to buoy me up and keep me safe, to give of themselves freely because I needed it.  
And the good news, I am better.   I am 16 weeks post op, and guess what...... I am not going to count those weeks anymore.
Tomorrow is 2013, and a brand new start.  With my brand new, redesigned HEAD, and my wonderful new PERSPECTIVE.
What matters, what counts, what is genuine.
Good soup.  Good wine.  Good friends.
Simple everyday things.
Being here, in the moment, now.  I think I could have read Eckhart Tolle a dozen times, and not have the understanding that I got from my personal experience with my own life this year.

Being mindful.
Maybe my old brain wasn't capable.
My new brain is, though.

 

Listening.  Breathing. Being quiet in my heart.

Say goodbye.  2012 is soon but a memory.  And that's fine with me.

In a reclining position.

Ah, the couch.   I love my couch.  You've seen it a dozen times, usually with Roy lounging on it.
He has an old bedspread there, that he loves.   If we leave him home alone, he tries to get under it, and when we return, all the pillows are on the floor, and the quilt is in a bunch.  That's the only bad thing he does when left alone, besides maybe put one of our shoes on the couch, to show us how disgusted he is with us.

DH and I searched for the right sofa for a while, and as soon as I saw this one, I knew it was the one.  We bought the sofa, a chair, and a chaise lounge. Roy has claimed all three, but he shares.

You're wondering what my point is by now.

 

 Usually, the only time you would ever find me on the couch, is after dinner, with a book, or my laptop, while DH watches awful TV.
That was before my flip through the air and crack to the skull event. The infamous 8/11/11.

The past year has found me becoming intimately acquainted with my sofa.
If you look up "couch" or "sofa", it says that it is a long, stuffed seat for reclining.
And recline, I have.

Usually with company.

 

Yesterday, when I woke up with the cold firmly planted in my chest, and coughing like a crazy woman, I retreated to "the couch".  Every cough made decompressed skull feel like an impending explosion.  So I stayed put.  I watched episodes of "Parenthood" on my Mac.

I have become a Parenthood groupie.  It makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me totally annoyed with the bad choices they make, and sometimes, it makes me squirm.

Like last night, when Sarah took in her ex husband/abusive alcoholic, and then ran around insanely trying to get him into rehab, instead of letting the loser figure it out for himself.

Pfffft, I said to myself.   Dope.  Who would do that?  Codependent BS.  

 (this is just part of my tirade while trying desperately to steam my lungs out in the hot tub at midnight)

And suddenly, it occurred to me, with the snow swirling around my head, a total contrast to the heat infusing my body.....................I did that.

I did exactly that very same thing.  THE SAME THING. O.M.G.

No wonder it made me squirmy.   Nofreakingwonder.

I threatened my ex.  I held him captive, in a sense, and drove him to rehab, after I had made all the arrangements myself.  I orchestrated the entire intervention.  And I, good codependent little girl that I was, I was the only one who intervened.  

I tell myself sometimes, that it was wonderful.  After all, that was 1987, and he has been clean and sober, remarried, with more children, and happy I think, ever since.

But even so, watching Sarah dispense with her own life, jeopardize her own happiness, to save a drunk who had made her life MISERABLE, well, it just rankled.  Pure. And. Simple.

It's snowing, again.  DH has gone to the store to get me cough medicine.  While I am a firm believer that men just annoy women by nature, he is a good man who thinks of my best interest all the time.

He has been by my side and stuck with me through it all.

A tough year.

Soon to be LAST YEAR.

I am not going to define myself by who I was in 1987, and I am going to leave 2012 behind, as well.

2012, with its never ending headache, the not knowing, the worry, the depression, the surgery, the tough recovery.

I will, however, take with me the love and support of my family and friends,  the sweetness of being held up and encouraged and even carried sometimes, when it seemed like I was nearly lost.

2013 is about to begin.  It's going to be good, friends.  It's going to be really GOOD. 

The holiday.

Ah, Christmas eve.   Finally, all the crazed people have to stop, because the stores will close.
Hallelujah.
And there's no snow for Christmas, unless you count that little bit on the ski slope in the distance.
Although, they do say that it might snow overnight, about an inch.

 Roy and I are happy, cause we got our walk by the river in.  You can imagine that I am somewhat nervous about slippery/icy/snowy walking.  So this  weather is a bonus to me.

I flitted around today, doing a little of this, and a little of that.
Took some photos of new rugs.
Jinksie approves of this one.  She is a rug softness expert.

 Brunch with the family tomorrow......quiet Christmas eve at home tonight.

.

Homemade mac and cheese and  a big green salad for dinner, a glass of wine, a good book, and my knitting.  Everyone I love is safe and well.

Who could ask for anything more?

This is the week of retrospect, that's what I call it.  It is the week before the new year, when Christmas is done, and I take a look back at the previous year.  What worked, what didn't. What was my choice, what was not.

I think I am over "resolutions", but I think looking back, and then ahead, is just a time for awareness.

Being mindful.  Being still.

That's my plan.

And after the holidays, it looks like followers might hit 400, and when that happens, we will be forced to do yet another giveaway.

But for tonight, peace on earth in my little corner of the world.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

A little blast from the past.

Well, it's cold and dreary, and washing my hands did NOT work.  Except that now I have dry hands to go along with my cold.
Ay yi yi.
I came home quite quickly from the studio today, mostly because in addition to feeling awful, I could not stay warm.
Now however, on the couch with a cuppa hot tea, and Roy snuggling next to me, I am quite toasty, thanks.
I may do some knitting, but then again a nap sounds good.
Are you tingly with excitement, yet??

Going through old pictures, I found some shots off the back deck of my old home in the country.
Made me remember what I loved about it.

The wind was blowing the snow around.  The lake is a hike through those woods. We used to snowshoe down there.
Doing my bucket list this past year, that is one thing I put at the top.  I want to have a back yard that does not involve someone else's house, street lights, sirens just blocks away.
I want this.  Again.  Til the end.
 

This was my back yard.  The sun set right over those trees.  It was so peaceful, and so beautiful.
I am searching for that in my life.
Nothing about living "in town" can compare to that.  No convenience,  nothing.

This next picture was taken in reverse.......see my house, way over in the left corner?

It wasn't a fancy house, just an old country farm house, that used to be part of a bigger farm.  I think it was the hired hand's house.
But it was home for 20 years.
I planted perennials for all of those years, and when I left, I cried.
It was like leaving my children.  I haven't really gardened much since.

This is where "Crazy as a Loom" was born.....and this is my FIRST loom.  No kidding.
A little Leclerc Mira, that I paid $100 for, and struggled to put together.
It didn't really fit my body, and I had to lean in to throw the shuttle. My legs were too long to really get under the loom.  So I had a chronic shoulder blade pain for a year......DUH.....until I figured it out.
 I am now very savvy about body mechanics and weaving.
And to quote an old friend......"don't do the same repetitive motion all day.  Break it up.  Weave a while, cut fabric a while, sew a while.  Your body will thank you."

 

Finding out that life is precious, just makes it all more real.

I never really understood being "mindful", before.

Not like this.

I am sure that our recent national tragedy has done the same to everyone that has been touched by it, close up and farther away.

We are not born knowing.

It reminds me of what the Big Book says, the bible of AA.   There is a reference made to those who, for whatever reason, will never get the program.

Well, there are those who will go through the motions of living their lives without really paying attention, without fully experiencing all of it, getting caught up in the muddle that is made up of what you think you SHOULD do, and not what is important, at all.

I don't want that.

I really, really don't.

I want this.  So much more than a picture.

Don't you agree?

 

Looking ahead.

Lake George.
I grew up on this lake, on the northern end.  That's important, because the south end of the lake is busy and commercial.  The north end is not.
This view looking south down the lake was taken from one of my favorite hikes, from Record Mountain.
It's private property now, and the owner does not want people up there.  It's all posted.
How sad and selfish to keep this view to yourself.
Somewhere I have a picture of a regatta right out there in the middle.    It's the kind of place you can sit all day, with the sun shining down, the breeze on your face, and the quiet.
I know, cause I've done it.
I always said that when I died, I wanted my ashes thrown to the winds, right here.  Now someone will have to trespass to give me that wish.
Not that one of my kids wouldn't do that for me.  They would.

 

 But I'm not thinking of heading anywhere any too soon.
At least, I'm hoping not.  I have too much I want to do.  It feels good to look ahead, to anticipate my life.  I didn't do it for a long time.

Someone commented some days ago, that I shouldn't look at the "weather index" in case I might give myself preconceived notions about how bad my headache would be.
Actually, just the reverse is true.  I wake up, and I KNOW what the index is.  It seems to be whenever a low front brings rain or snow.  It rained all night, and I woke up about 5am, and I knew.
Sure enough, I checked after I knew how bad a headache I had, and I was right, the index was a 10.
But then, as the day went on, and the wind blew the front on out, my headache got better.  I just this minute looked, and voila, the index is getting lower and lower.
Weather forecast, anyone?
Now that may not sound very important, but believe me, it is.
For over 10 months, I was at the mercy of a relentless headache with no rhyme or reason. 
NOW, I have a headache that makes sense, and most of the time, a headache that is so dull and unimpressive, that sometimes, YES IT IS TRUE, sometimes, I forget about it.
WOOOT.


 And besides, I can't go yet.....there is all this color to weave.
Lord have mercy.
Can you believe these colors?  Don't they make you want to dance or something?

 

 I think I will call them "Fiesta Towels", that 's what they make me think of.

I must admit, I do not hand sew the hems on these towels.  I know some people do.  They are better than me.  I sew them on my machine, then throw them in the wash.
I take them straight out of the dryer, and fold them.  I do NOT iron them.
I am ANTI IRONING.  I only do it under duress.
And besides, something about ironing a dish towel sounds funny to me.
No offense, if you like doing it.  I just don't.
So far, 8 towels off this warp, and hopefully 12 more to come.
I am already eyeballing the colors I'm going to use next.

I guess it might be called "warp envy".
It's all good.

A little reminiscing.

I am not much into Christmas morning events, since I don't have little kids at home.  So DH and I tell each other what we would like, and usually it's one nice thing.   I got him a remote starter for his truck, which he already had installed to beat the after Christmas rush.
So, it was only fair that I get to have my present when it was delivered to the back door.

I got a Canon scanner, I saved myself a lot of trouble googling to find out which one to buy, since KATE over at Chronicles of a Country Girl had already done such an awesome job of selling it a while back.
I tried to download the setup onto my MacPro a few nights ago.  No go.  Sometimes, though I love my Mac, it is a pain you know where.  It is especially a pain when you are trying to get it to do what it does not want to do.
Anyway, last night, I was going to load it onto  the desktop that DH uses, but the thought of crawling around down on the floor to find the plug, and move plugs around, to make room, well, it wasn't very appealing.
So I gave the Mac another shot.
And lo, and behold, it worked like a charm.

Up to the attic to get a box of pictures.  You know what you're in for, right?
Oh, there will be stories to go along.  For sure.

I have to start with one of my favorite pictures of all, my three girls at Stonehenge.
Have I ever mentioned that they are the best thing that ever happened to me??
Holly, Morgan, Brooke.
I will always be the luckiest Mom ever.

 

I bet Sandy Hook has made every Mom everywhere stop and treasure her children.
To even imagine losing them at such a tender age is incomprehensible.
And yet, back in the day, our ancestors lost children so often, and so easily.  From a cold, an ear ache, sicknesses that today just keep them watching cartoons for a couple of days.

This is my grandmother.  Vivien. She was ahead of her time, driving a Model T around town when women just didn't much do that.
Her mother died when she was a teenager, and she brought up her younger siblings, with not much help from her hard drinking father.
In the cemetery, there were already a row of babies, her sisters and brothers that didn't make it past toddlerhood.

It has been said that I am very much like her, and her only son, my father.

Here I am, 25 years ago......when I still permed my hair.  Ha!  Makes me laugh.
I also laugh because I remember how stressed I was back then, and how much drama there was in my life.  That I allowed.  My expression says it all.

So many things have changed with getting older.
It's not all bad, ya know.  It really isn't.
It's just not what I expected, which makes it my "new normal".
And it's fine.  Just fine. 
I am grateful for all of it.

Be honest.

I'm back, did you miss me???


Miss Puss says:
"Did someone send us flowers?"

 

 Heart be still.
Haven't received flowers in quite a while.  It poses all kinds of possibilities.

Do you love the Christmas bulb the flowers are in?

 Nope, no secret admirer.  Just the fine folks at the Woolery, in Frankfurt, Kentucky.
They are also online at www.woolery.com
Take a look, they have everything imaginable for the fiber artist.
They carry the Hip to Be Square, and the Walking on Sunshine Rag Rug Kit, and I am very grateful to them for their continued support.

 

For two days, the warp on my Leclerc Compact has been the job at hand.

There was a lot of winding spools, on my double ended bobbin winder.

I also use my Shakespeare line counter, so I know what I am doing.

 

No, I have not done anything to 'brighten' up this picture.

These are REALLY the colors.

 Yikes.   I outdid myself.

 

While I'm working,  there are some who are lounging, as near the heat as they can get.

 

 First I had to tie the new warp onto the old one.

480 threads.

It is a meditative experience.

Here it is all tied on.  Now for the fun part.

 

Did I say fun???

Here are the knots, being gently shaken through the heddles.

It really isn't that hard.  It's like everything else, you just do it a step at a time.

Twenty minutes later, we're in business.
Wow, these are sure going to brighten up someone's kitchen.
I have 25 yards of warp on the loom.   I think I will be ready for something tamer by the time I get to the end.

Tell me the truth.............are they too much???

Giveaway results,

I am having issues with my Mac, or my wireless connection.  Not sure which.
But some nights I can't get anything to work on Blogger.
So I am on DH's computer for now, cause I have a WINNER.

The winner of the Giveaway, which is your choice of a sock monkey or a Socketbook, is
MISS MOOSEHEAD USA.
Not her real name, I'm sure.
So email me your name and address, and your choice, and I will get it right out to you.
(ragrugs@crazyasaloom.com)

Sorry, no post due to computer difficulties, and tomorrow is "silent", so see ya Wednesday.
Stay warm.

Cold and colds. Drat.

A cold and gray Sunday.  We've had a mixture of snow, sleet, rain.
Both mother, and DH, have nasty colds.  I've washed my hands so much they are red.
Here's what I know.
You can flush the toilet with your elbow, turn the faucet off with your elbow, and hide a towel in the shower so no one else can use it.
But that doesn't mean you are going to avoid getting it.
I'm hopeful though.
I better go wash my hands again.

Had lunch with a friend, it was a great day for hot soup and good conversation.

Tomato and white bean soup.

Warm cinnamon bread with sliced Granny Smith apples and melted cheese.

YUMMO.

 

There is someone who dislikes this weather even more than I do.

It interrupts his walking schedule.

It sucks.

 

Right, Roy???

 

 

You just have to amuse yourself on days like this.  And that is something that I have always been quite good at doing.

Maybe I'll have some Vitamin C.

 

I actually took a nap on the couch today, with Roy.  We fell sound asleep.

Then I sat in front of the fireplace and finished this bag I have been weaving on.

I had a little warp in a bag, that I wound before my surgery, so I put that on the loom.

It's ready to be woven.

 

 

 It is hard to keep images of tragedy out of your mind.  I am so sad, I don't really know what to say.
We can talk about guns, and God, and the effects of too much media.
But nothing will bring back the lives that were lost.  And nothing will make us forget it.
I am trying to convince myself of all the good in the world.
I am concentrating on that.
All of this convinces me that what I have thought about religion all my life, and my affinity to deism, is right after all.  At least for me, it fits.
I think I will read Thomas Paine's "The Age of Reason", one more time.
It's the only thing that makes any sense.

Tomorrow night is the giveaway.......and Tuesday is silent, in respect

Update and a giveaway.

I was sure you would want an update.

After a day or two of weighing all the information, this little one has her forever home.

Angie, my seamstress extraordinaire, just happened to be wanting a kitten.

So now, Bella, has the best possible scenario.  She is the only animal in the house, with a Mom, and a Dad, and two kids to spoil her rotten.

Here she is lounging on some socks Angie was working into a Socketbook.

What is it with cats and socks??

L and I have been doing photo shoots this week......Prime Mate monkeys, and Socketbooks.

Then last night, I spent hours putting them on my web site.

So now there are lots to choose from.

Which is good, because my Christmas giveaway, is a monkey, or a Socketbook, your choice.

All you have to do to win, is be a follower, and comment.

If you would, I would like to hear what ideas you have for Crazy as a Loom for 2013.   What would you like to see going on?  What would you like to hear about?

Besides my headache.

Ha!  That was with tongue in cheek.

First of all, my headache is so dull I could almost get used to it.

Secondly,  my troubles pale.  You know what I mean.

I can hardly complain.

Today I finished my towel warp....the crazy red and black.

 I'll post some towel pictures tomorrow.  The last of them are in the washer as we speak.

My next towel warp is being put on sectionally.  So I needed to find enough spools to do that.

Unfortunately, most of them still had thread on them.

 

What to do, what to do.
I didn't want to waste all that thread, so I decided to pull my spool rack up to the warping board.

 

 Holding three threads at a time, I wound three separate "mystery warps".
They are safely stored in plastic bags.

 

 I think this is my favorite one.   I can't wait to get it on the loom and play.

Here is my next warp, I am putting 25 yards on, for dishtowels.

What do you think?

Is it bright enough?

Winner of the giveaway will be drawn randomly on Monday night 12/17/12.  This way it will ship on Tuesday and get to the winner in time for Christmas.

Make sure you give me a way to contact you.