Not ever.

OK, when I start eating oatmeal for breakfast, I have accepted that it is winter.

Even though it is warmer than the usual, it's still winter.

Recently, someone that I used to know well, has fallen into the deep, dark well that is alcoholism.
When I heard about it, I reached out.  I didn't expect that it would help, but I didn't know that it wouldn't, so I tried.
Doing so, brought a lot of memories roaring back at me.  Memories of stressful, unhappy, dark times.
It also brought back a lot of feelings I had as I struggled to straighten my life out, with the help of AlAnon.
AlAnon didn't just help me in dealing with the alcoholic.  It helped ME find ME.

My gratitude is eternal.

I learned a lot of things.

I learned that you create yourself by the choices you make.
I learned that you can choose happiness, and walk away from misery.
I learned that you can take your hands off what is not yours, and that the reward for doing that is great.

I learned that serenity is truly priceless, and that it is mine for the taking.

Mostly what I learned, can be summed up in a few pages from the Big Book, page 449 to the end of the chapter.
Saved my life.
Still does.
I wanted to share it with you all.
Cause it can't hurt.  E.v.e.r.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.

Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.

I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse.

I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.

Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.

That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity."

The cure?

I came home early today, just one of those days.
You know the kind.
But I was determined not to waste the day, so I took Roy for a long walk. The wind was cold on my face, but my long LL Bean down coat kept me toasty.
It was still a beautiful day.
After Physical Therapy,  I decided to do some cooking, nothing that took me out of my comfort zone........in other words, easy stuff.  So while I was making roast chicken and biscuits for dinner,  I started throwing together some chili.  Of course, I have to make TWO pots of chili, one with meat, and one without.
Then, while that was simmering, I roasted some vegetables in the oven, and made Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas, to take to the studio.

Pictures from the past make me happy.

You know how I am about color.

One of these days, I am going to wake up without a headache.

And when I do, watch out, world.

It's just a matter of time.

I believe that.

I haven't bought a loom in awhile.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe this headache is loom withdrawal.

Maybe I need to do some loom shopping.  Ya think?

Sorry, it's goodbye.

Yup.  It's farewell.  Enough is enough.

In fact it stinks.

So just say goodbye.

Not to ME.
To Whitey, here.
Cuz he's a leavin' town.

He's leaving on the back of a pickup truck, with the Adirondack Nuisance and Pest Control.   He's moving at LEAST 5 miles away, and I think the whole hamlet of Kingsbury will be glad he's gone.
He's very nice looking, but he smells BAD.
Now it's time to board up all the holes where he's getting into the barn, and  going under the floor.

While I was waiting for his ride to come, I put another warp on the Hammett.....just 50 yards this time.
I am still weaving with this awesome floral fabric that I love, so I just tweaked the colors a bit.

I used the same red and ecru, but I ditched the yellow, and changed from a  light minty green to an olive green.  I kept a little of the dusty rose.

Stinky and sweet.
That's the way it is today, folks.
All in all, a good day.

Mushroom soup and the bottom line.

Last night, after pushing myself out the door to walk with Roy, I had to think about dinner.

DH and I take turns deciding on, and cooking, dinner.

It seems to work for us.

It was my turn, but my head was making it hard to concentrate.

DH was understanding, and said he would bring home subs for him and my mother.

I made cream of mushroom soup.

But I didn't know where my recipe was, and I had read somewhere that adding dried mushrooms to 

regular mushrooms really made a huge difference.

So I didn't bother with a recipe, instead, I winged it.

Believe me, this was one time when it worked out.

There is not a drop of soup left.  I can't believe it.

I posted the 'wing it' recipe on the Recipe tab at the top of the page.

I made myself a grilled cheese with guacamole.  The picture is not so great,

but the sandwich was.

Today was a couple of notches better than the last four days.  I hate that I categorize my days with a number, but really, that's the least of it.

Smoky, aka Lucy, aka Also, has gone to her forever home with my friend Bonnie.

She has put on some weight since we rescued her, and now relaxed, she has become a 

very sweet girl.  She will be happy in her own space, the only cat, Queen Bee.

I spent the day alone at the studio.  It was quiet.

As I was puttering around, I noticed these purple towels, and realized that I never posted a photo of them.

They are a little weird, not exactly my color combo.

I worked on some placemats, finishing my 60 yard warp.

Now THESE are my colors.

Some days you do what you can.  You let the rest go.

Years ago, in a rough place in my life, I started a gratitude journal.   In my despair, I struggled some days to find 5 things to be grateful for.  But they were there, from the simplest of comforts like a cup of coffee; to gifts we never think of, like a crystal blue sky.
I found myself grateful for a steady job, for my daughters, for my mother, for my dogs, my home.
Grateful for  the chance to take a nap, pay my bills, make cookies, walk in the woods.
I kept that journal for two years.   I still have it.
What I learned from writing down 5 things I was grateful for, every day, was this:
There is always something to be thankful for.   Always.
So even now, mystified and some days nearly crazy with this headache..........I am still grateful.

Hard sometimes, confusing and challenging, life is still good.

Breaktime.

It rained hard all night.  Our back yard is practically flooded, the first time in the 7 years we have lived here.

The slush on the roads is deep, and it is still raining.  And while it is messy and annoying, my fear is what it will be like when the temps drop.

Oh, winter.

I did so well walking right into the first of January, but for the last week and a half, between my headache and the icy roads and sidewalks, I have not done much walking.  Roy looks at me with those big browns, and I feel guilty.

This headache has been an 8-10 for four days now.  I can't really figure out what changed to make it this bad.

I went to the studio this morning, with a few chores that I wanted to get done.

First, I had some orders to pack up.

Then I had three sets of placemats I wanted to put on my web site.

Here are the pink ones.......can you see Tweety peaking out at you???

These cream and green ones are my favorites.

Right now, I have about 38 sets of placemats.  I told you January was placemat month.
Yeehaw.

I knew I wasn't going to last long at the studio.   I haven't had to come home midday in a few weeks, but that was then, and this is now.

Sydney just watched me doing what I had to do.
She has molded this box to her shape.  None of the other three cats dare to get near "her box", and I have left it on the counter, just for her.
I couldn't resist putting her name on it.

Sydney says:

You look like crap.  You'd better go home.

And even though I had every intention of sewing the hems on this 'tote bags' in progress, I did go home about noon.

I came home, ate something, and took to the couch with a heating pad on the back of my neck, and sweet boy Roy.

I have an appointment with a headache/pain doctor in about 10 days.

I am focusing on that.  Getting there.  

Getting someplace where there is no headache.

Yay.

Is it winter?

I have always bought my books on Amazon.

Until today.

L has been a good  bad influence.

Going to the library every week, ordering books from the library online, and then going to pick them up.

Paying zip.  Nada. Zero.

So today, I dug my library card out, and trudged in.

Actually, we have a beautiful new library, and there is really no reason NOT TO USE IT.

And it's 5 minutes from my house.

Duh.

So today, I got three books....until I can figure out how to use their website, and figure out what I want to order.

I must admit to having NO rhyme NOR reason for choosing these books.
They just seemed to speak to me.

 And since they cost NOTHING, well, bringing them home was sure easy.

Tonight DH took me downtown for a cozy little dinner at the Gourmet Cafe.  I had some french  onion soup, some wine, some pasta primavera, and garlic bread.
Watching the snow fall softly on the street outside.


Now I'm glad to be home, curled up on the couch, with my afghan and my laptop, and a cuppa tea.

And my sweet boy Roy, of course.

Partial labotomy anyone?

Two days of a screamer have left me a little shaky, and ready for surgical intervention.  Got a knife anyone???  There must be a YOU TUBE video with instructions out there somewhere.

Sometimes, honestly, I ask myself how I can get through another day with this headache.  And while I am wondering, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I do get through it.
Then I hope that the next day will be better.
Sometimes it is, and sometimes not.
Today, not.

Oh, but's let not talk about headaches.  They're so depressing.

Today, L and I disassembled the Union 36 loom, and moved it into the old kitchen.
I am convinced that the studio will feel oh so much nicer, with just ONE loom in the living room, and ONE loom in the front room that is mostly retail space anyway.

I like it better already.

And the Union looks like it belongs in its new space.

I wasn't very productive today, so I felt good about getting that done.

My mother informed us tonight that her TV was brighter and more colorful than ever before.

Uh.......do you think it might have something to do with the two cataract surgeries that you just had??
Maybe?

I find that there is an element of science fiction to life.  It occurs to me often.
But maybe it's just the book by Stephen King that I'm reading, 11-22-63.

I highly recommend it....it is totally engaging, and makes me feel that maybe there is a happy ending.

Weave, weave, weave.

Sydney says:

Where's Olivia???

Oh, Syd.  You look so sad.  She might not come today if it's going to rain.

 Wait.  Did you hear the door??

Yup.   It's her.

HEY Olivia.

Can't spend too much time schmoozing, got some weaving to do.

It's never too soon to be exposed to weaving.

You never know when a weaver is "in the making".

Oh, Olivia, you are too beautiful.

Today might have been gray and gloomy, even rainy, but we were swimming in color, lots of it.
L and I made this 5'x7' cotton rug.
Sure to cheer anyone up.

These are the rugs that are just too much fun.   Since they are going up on my web site for sale, and they aren't being made for someone specifically, we got to choose whatever colors we wanted.
Takes the pressure off.
And who needs pressure.
Not me.

One day at a time

Going through my web site, I have found a couple of rugs that are not logged in anywhere.
Can't sell them that way.

So far I have straightened up the placemat page, the blue jean page, and the Adirondack Lodge rug page.
Moving right along. A page at a time.

My youngest daughter commented that there were an awful lot of pages on my web site, so I am cleaning it up, deleting stuff that has been sold, combining pages.
Someone once told me that I should leave SOLD rugs on there, just so people would know that I am in fact selling them.
Is that silly?
I think so.
I did leave a few on there that were long gone, but I'm not doing it anymore.

The grandkids have left.

The house is fairly quiet.

Roy is sleeping by my side.

I love seeing them, laughing with them.  I love being run over by their youth and enthusiasm, their silliness.

It reminds me of a scene from my favorite show, Everybody Loves Raymond.  Frank walks into the house, kisses his grandsons on the head, breathes in the smell of their hair, and says something about sucking up all that youth.

But then, they're gone.  And I love the way my life snaps back to its own pace, slower, quieter, 

still occasionally silly.

Sometimes getting older is totally ok with me.

Say what?

I worry about Next, especially when it is bitter cold at night.

When I pulled in the driveway this morning, I hear him crying to me as soon as I got out of the car.  

"Rowr."  Loud.

That's what it sounds like.

I have tried to get him to come in, but he's having none of that.  He stuck his nose in the porch door once, and then right out again.

He has a heated water dish on the porch, and he gets fed well, every day.

Up in the loft of the barn, he has a huge box, surrounded by bags of selvedge to stop the wind, and inside it is full of hay, a wool blanket, and a heated cat pad.   It is plugged into a no fault breaker on the outside of the barn.  It only heats up when the cat lays on it, and then it heats his body to its normal temperature. 

So I guess all things considered, he has what he needs.

And he has a solar house.

Which he is smart enough to use.

And we love him up every chance we get.

Sometimes I have to tell myself to let it be.
We do what we can do, and then we have to let it be enough.
But I always wonder about the person who just let him wander off, that person who didn't care.
Without being neutered, he was destined to live a life of fighting and roaming, and generally struggling to survive.
And then he wandered up on the porch at Crazy as a Loom.
NEXT!!!!

Today was a grandkids day.  We went to Aimee's dinner and a movie......

Now they're chillin'.   One can hope anyway.

 Roy loves company.  Especially kids.

He never gets enough hugging.

Why the long face, girl??

mmmmm........let me think.

I get that.....sometimes you just don't know where that mood comes from.
And sometimes, if you think about it, you don't have one after all.