Wavy Glass

Just one of those mornings.
It was a gray day from the get go. But I wanted to take my mother to the studio, to see the labyrinth, and so she could help me plan my "secret garden" around it.
She is not much on walking far, being of the mind that if it hurts, don't do it. And no matter how much I spew advice about dealing with arthritis, the bane of my family, both sides, she doesn't listen. Luckily, for me, I have my father's attitude. If it hurts, I get my hackles up, and take the stand that it isn't going to slow me down, stop me, or impede my progress. Not that it doesn't probably slow me down a bit, but not "so's you'd notice". :)
Everything is dry outside, but spring comes slow to the "north country", even in New York. The Adirondacks still have snow for crying out loud. Enough already.
This is the area behind my barn, where I am going to plant lots and lots of perennials, shrubs, trees, etc. My husband put a stockade fence across the lawn, to separate the front from the back, and that is where I am going to dedicate my efforts.
My mother was a gardener extraordinaire. She turned a blank, flat lot into a lush English garden, with her own two hands. The saddest thing for her, was getting too old and arthritic to keep it up. So I am encouraging her to dream this with me, help me to see what it will look like with paths winding through "rooms" made out of flowers. I hope she will. As I was describing my vision to her, I turned to her with a sudden realization, "OMG, I am becoming my mother."

When it is warmer, I will take her there and plop her in a lawn chair to watch me sweat. It won't be as good as her own endeavor, but hopefully, it will do her heart good.
Speaking of which, after we went to the studio, I took her shopping. She was ahead of me, and I went back a couple of aisles to get stuff to make a vegetarian chili that is to die for, my daughter Morgan's recipe, which I will share if you are interested. I actually called my daughter on my cell, and was asking her about the ingredients, and telling her one of my mother's annoying ways.
I came around the end of an aisle, to see my mother leaning over her cart, face red with a pinched and painful expression. When she saw me she said my name, and half heartedly waved to me. She said she felt like she might pass out, she didn't feel well at all. I sat her on a bench, checked out her groceries, and mine, and helped her to the car.
We got ourselves out of the store, and home, and on the way, she happened to add that she had chest pain. Nice time to mention that. Had I known that I would have left the groceries in the cart right where they were. Seems that no matter how many times my mother withholds information, I never smarten up and expect it. Duh.
After a nitro, and some rest, and eventually, some lunch, she felt much improved. Leaving me feeling like a total schmuck, for griping about her old age idiosyncrasies, and wondering if I will become my mother in those ways as well. Much food for thought. Too much thought for a Saturday morning.
It has been altogether a funny week. Wanting to plant flowers, but knowing that it was too soon. Weaving placemats first on this loom, then getting distracted, and finding myself upstairs weaving towels on another loom. Worrying that business was slow, then getting a really nice custom order that will be fun to make. Just basically feeling that spring fever kind of feeling, when you want to be everywhere at once doing it all. Or is that just a Hilary kind of feeling........that's what my husband would say.

If you notice the blurry sections in this photo, don't blame my novice skills, and no, I don't have Photoshop......it is actually just the wavy glass in the bedroom window. Almost all the windows in the house have this fascinating wavy glass, and I love it. It is why I don't put all new windows in the house. I can't bear to part with the old look.
Somehow there is a message here for me today......I am not sure I am getting it yet, maybe I am not ready. But it is there on the edge of my brain, just waiting. I am familiar with the elements, just not sure how they all fit............getting older, seeing things differently, being frustrated, life changing, resisting change, holding on to our comfort level, priorities, wavy glass.
Clear as mud, eh?