Say it ain't so

I have great daughters.  I guess I've told you that before.
But they're not just wonderful when I'm down and out in the hospital and NEED them.
They are also there for me when I have harebrained  wonderful ideas that I need HELP implementing.

 

I have dragged DH all over the countryside to satisfy my loom addiction.    This time he was up for the trip as well, but it was a lot of driving.......at least 8 hours.   I knew I couldn't do it, and worried about him driving that much all at once, so I called daughter #1. 

Now I know you are all saying........"WHAT??ANOTHER LOOM?DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?"

I know, I know.
And yes, I did just have major surgery 3 weeks ago today. And yes, I have .....15, 16.......looms......I lose count.
But this time there really is a 'method to my madness'.
I have wanted a "dobby loom" forever.  I have coveted an AVL dobby loom in particular.  But every time I saw one for sale, it was either more money than I could spend, or more likely just too far away to even consider.
Then, just 10 days after my surgery, while googling around......I found it.  It was perfect.  Exactly the loom I wanted.  Price.......doable.   Distance.....ack.......EIGHT hours.
But after lots of emails, and a couple of phone calls, a deal was struck............and an agreement with the seller to "meet me in the middle".
And THAT'S how it happened.
Sunday was a long day......DH and I left home at 7am.........picked up my daughter............finally got the loom back to the studio at 5:15pm, where L and her sister were waiting to help unload it.
Luckily, the front door at the studio is 36" wide, so with not much trouble, it arrived unscathed in the center hallway.
Here.
Even though it was made in 1988, it is really in beautiful condition.

Yesterday morning, L and DH and I somehow.......(I am still in shock)....managed to wiggle it through the door into the living room.......without taking it apart. 

 This is going to be a learning experience for me and for L.

I was a little overwhelmed last night, reading the manual, which is HUGE.
I kind of wondered WTH did I just do??  Am I nuts??

 But then today, after my first PT session...........L and I took a look at it.  She put things together while I read instructions to her. 
And suddenly, it started to come together.

 I had some questions...........but I think I have the answers.
And I think I can do this.

 You might be asking why?
And the short answer is:  I think this loom is going to be easier on my body. 
And I actually SOLD two looms that I love, to buy this one. 
It's all part of my downsized, redesigned, "new to me" reality.

Sydney says:   You're making me tired, Mom.  For real.

You're not going to believe this one.

She strikes again.   That cat hater.  You know the one.

Seriously, L does not hate cats.  I just pick on her, because she is always saying what pains they are.
Although, I do not actually think any of the them "twisted" her arm to make this "cat house".

Yesterday Kizzy was on top of it, and Jinksie was investigating the bottom.

She originally made it for Next and Nuff.
They weren't interested.  They wouldn't go near it.
What disrespect.

They preferred a big cardboard box surrounded by bales of hay.
Go figure.

L was not to be deterred.

She got her sister to help her drag it upstairs, so she could position it in a sunny south facing window.
(she wouldn't let me haul on it, something about my neck)
She put carpet on top of it.

 

I think that Kizzy wants to lodge a complaint, though.

Uh, like.......what's up with these initials????

Shouldn't it say K&J???

I mean, REALLY???

 

 It even has carpet covered STAIRS.
Hmm.


And Kizzy says: I know how to use these stairs, too.

She says it is not finished.....what's next, a flush litter box?
Now there's an idea.

 I am very impressed.

The only sunshine around.

Everyone I know is incredulous about the weather.
Are you kidding???
It's mid April.........can't we just catch a break???
You know, warm temps, sunshine?

Not here, not today.  Cold, sleet, rain.   Really, really nasty.



My hot tub is a blessing.  A life saver.  The jets hit the back of my neck and shoulders JUST where
they hurt, and my incision is healed enough for me to enjoy them. 
There is a mourning dove in the same spot OVER the hot tub, in the rafters of the porch, where she makes herself comfortable every spring.  I try not to bother her, but I am not giving up the hot tub.
She will have to get over it.



The yellow caterpillar rugs are on my web site, and there will be more coming in different lengths.
Lois rocks, don't ya think???  They are truly the brightest thing around here.

I asked her today how long she had been at the studio...........and her answer shocked me.........almost THREE years.
Wow.
Time apparently does fly, doesn't it.

I have three looms lined up to go......two of them have owners already.
I am somewhat in awe that I am doing this.........but if feels right.
Minimalism.
Just a little.
Streamlined.  Just a little.
Lots of chained loopers out of the closet, and on their way to new homes.
SALE rugs coming soon.
Getting down to what matters.
All because of a pain in the neck.
Ha!

Blatant Retail

Raining now..........they are predicting SNOW flurries for tomorrow.
Remind me why I live in the northeast.
Good grief.
And as the TAX MAN is imminent, and the STUDIO is cluttered, to say the LEAST, we're having a SALE.  Another LOOPER SALE FOR ALL YOU WEAVERS.
Link HERE

But mostly, I am rethinking everything that I do.  Does that surprise you?
My brain has been rebooted TWICE now, and the world..........well, my perspective just keeps changing.
I bought this lovely, old house in March 2005.   It seems like it's been part of me forever.
It didn't look this good when I bought it.  It was pretty haggard.
Here it is getting painted for the second time since I've owned it.......the shutters are not all back on.

When I made the purchase, my intent was simple.  I wanted a place to put my looms, I wanted a place to work, to create, to evolve as a weaver.  I wanted quiet, simple, reflective.

But my gene pool is strong.  Dear Dad came through.  I found myself working harder and harder, and being more and more successful.
And I kept coming up with new products, and new ideas.
And those new ideas in turn created a whole new reality.

Suddenly, the serenity of the studio was a memory a lot of the time.  Work was the order of the day,  every day.
And that's not all bad.  Except that maybe it's time for something else.

All my profit has gone right back into the house.  A lot of the improvements and maintenance that had not been done over the years, got done.
There's more, as there always is with an old house, it will always be a work in progress.

But I am taking a more minimalist approach these days, even at the studio.
I don't want all this stash of "stuff" that I hope to use "someday".
I don't want 15, or is it 16? looms staring at me, like little lost souls.  Why don't you weave on me?
What's wrong with ME?
I can still operate Crazy as a Loom for now, and still downsize what I own, and what I store.

There's just me and L weaving.....and an occasional student, or friend.
I do not need all these looms.

So first to GO is the SEVEN FOOT WIDE TOIKA.
Yes, 7 ft wide.
It's a beautiful loom, and I have made many, many rugs on it, with Lois, and with Tammy.  It has been very profitable.
But I think 7 ft wide rugs are something I used to do.  Me and my new NECK.  If you know what I mean.
I have to tell you, there is ONE philosophy that I have trouble with.
It's this:
Just because I CAN do something, doesn't mean I HAVE to.

I think I may have a buyer for the TOIKA, and if not, I will be advertising it soon.

Changes are coming.  And I think they'll be good ones.

YELLOW?

I wish it were warmer, and more spring like....but it's not.
Doesn't mean we can't bring a little sunshine into the studio.

This is what I was dreaming about the other night, and now L is busy weaving up some.
Different lengths.......runners.  In yellows. Then maybe some in white.

These caterpillars mean SPRING.
Please.

I have been taking it easy, short visits to the studio.  Walking the dog.   Doing a little sewing.

I am doing very well, only one bad headache since surgery, but hey........I just had a drill in the back of my head.

I think an occasional headache is to be expected.

I had my SKYPE appointment with my doctor.

He is very happy with the surgery, and pleased with my progress.

He says: no diving and no football.

Hmm.  Think I can deal with that.

Now I have a confession.   I got cards when I first got home from the hospital, and I have no idea where they went, or who they were from.
Drugs.
So if you sent me a card, please know that I thank you.
All that good energy had to have helped.   I just know it.

Update

I haven't been in a blogging mood.
Trying to get some normalcy back in my life, but of course you know it isn't fast enough for me.

I have been trying to amuse myself, when nothing feels quite right.
L gave me this DVD to watch, about the hawk that moved to NYC, crazy hawk.
But no, seriously, if you haven't seen it, you should.  It is amazing.

I try to take cues from Roy on relaxing, but I can never quite get that sweet abandoned sense of full relaxation that he does.
 He's a pro.

I have been reading. 

That helps.

I highly recommend this one.   Quite the page turner.

I really couldn't put it down until it was finished.

But of course what made me happiest were the couple of times DH dropped me off at the studio for awhile.
And I do mean "awhile".  He insisted.

I couldn't do much, but I got to visit with L, and friends.
The inside cats were ......"oh, hi, have you been gone?"
Next and Nuff, however, my outside boys, were much more excited to have me back.  They live in the real world.

I finally felt good enough to graduate from mashed potatoes and lime jello to a salad with tuna.
Quite exciting actually.  You don't appreciate such simple things, until they just don't work for you.

While I was gone, my strapping order arrived, for that big pile of totes that L was working on.

 

Pinning the straps on is something I can do.

Maybe they'll get sewn together before spring actually arrives.  Though it still looks like gloomy old March around here, if you ask me.

Tomorrow is my Skype appointment with the surgeon, and I hope he says I can drive.
At least, I can go to the studio on my own time, without being a pain.
I've been pretty high maintenance sometimes these last 7 months, between two skull surgeries.
I don't say it often enough, but DH does more than I could ever thank him for......shopping, cooking, waiting on me, running his butt off pretty much.
So officially, THANKS DH. 
I couldn't have done it without you. 

The facts. and more.

Last week was somewhat of a blur.   My head roared.  My stomach rolled.  I worried.
I imagined.  I experienced waves of pure terror.
I wanted to get there, to that surgery date.  And I wanted it behind me.  I wanted it to be the right decision.
Then I thought: what other decision is there?

(By the way, today is the first day I can sit upright, and the first time my laptop has been opened.)

Sunday night, daughter #1 and I went to Great Neck, checked in at the hotel.
Deja vu?

Monday was a busy day.  Ct scan, physical, consult, preclearance at the hospital.

"Your wait will be about 3 hours".  I didn't even ask if she was kidding.  The people packed into every corner spoke volumes.

But between all that, we went to an older part of Great Neck, to a lovely little French restaurant, for lunch.

 It is a choice to be miserable.   And even if you expect to be somewhat miserable by unavoidable circumstances, you can find joyful things all around to slip in between, if you just look.

 She had the chicken crepes, and I had the Grilled Veggie and Goat cheese crepes.  And it was quiet, and lovely.

 

Can I just tell you right here that I have three angels for daughters?

THREE.

Amazing.

Angels.

Brooke, Holly, Morgan.

I am blessed to be their mother.  I could not have done anything more meaningful in my life.

And we watched the geese and a pair of swans outside our window.

 

 Life doesn't have to be hard.  But sometimes it is.

 All the more reason to savor all those sweet, delightful moments we encounter.
We both had the Onion Soup.
O.M.G.  to die for.

Tuesday morning came soon enough.  I bought a book on Monday, and luckily for me it was totally engrossing, and I could ( and did ) easily drown myself in it.
I refused to think about the upcoming "EVENT", or the pain and the awfulness that would ensue forthwith.
When I woke up in recovery, I knew that something had happened. Something big.

My daughter said that the surgery took longer than anticipated, and when the doctor came out the first thing he said was that he was DELIGHTED with the surgery.  He said that there was WAY MORE bone and scar tissue in there than he thought, that it was pressing on the dura of my brain, and he was pretty sure THAT had been the problem.

First couple days post op, misery.  You know that, right?
And most of the pain is from the muscle spasm from the retractors they used to get where they wanted to be.
Then they asked me if I wanted to go home, and since the yahoo visitor had spent most of the night in the next bed while the patient he was visiting was in the chair.  Lights blaring, talking, TV on.
(I texted daughter #2, she called the hospital, and he LEFT)
But still, home sounded like a good idea.
The ride home was tough, but my fave nurse was waiting patiently.

All three of my angel daughters took care of me right through to yesterday.  They did the nursing TLC stuff that nurses USED to do, back when I went to school.  And I had drugs.   Thank God.
Some Percocet, some Valium, a lot of sleep.  Heat/ice/heat.

 NOW HERE IS THE GROSS PICTURE OF THE INCISION.   ..........so close your eyes and scroll quick if you are squeamish.   I think it speaks volumes.

 OK, you can look now.
Here is Nurse Roy, finally calmed down, finally OK, now that Mom is home.
DH calls him the big brown wart on my butt. 
This is probably the farthest he has been from me since Thursday.

But here's the deal.  The one I know in my heart.

They pulled a chunk of cement out of my neck.  It's gone, and I feel it.

And the pressure behind my eyes is gone.  

And I feel myself, at last.  AT LONG LAST.

ME.

Back, from somewhere I never want to go again.

And this time, the tears are joy, pure joy.

Hi this is daughter number three...

My mother had her surgery on Tuesday morning.  Her two hour surgery took four hours but went very well.  Her doctor removed both bone and scar tissue.  By Tuesday evening she was asking for her book and eye glasses, and a return home on Thursday was looking very good.  But Wednesday morning she began having some back spasms as a result of the muscle manipulation done during her surgery and was in a lot of pain.  So you would think that a Thursday return home was not in the cards?  Well think again... Despite being in pain, though managed some what on Valium and Percocet, she made the five hour trip home today and is resting on the couch with nurse Roy as I type.  DH made her staple mashed potatoes and my Nan is on tea duty.  It may be a while until she can respond to all the lovely well wishes an such as she needs lots of rest but don't worry she will be back.

Oh and the pressure behind her eyes is gone...  ; )

Morgan

It's time.

Don't have a lot to say tonight.......but I know that you are out there wondering about me.

Tomorrow is the surgery. 8:30a.m.  Seems my brain isn't perfect.
Who knew?

It's going to be a much shorter surgery, two hours, and not six.
And recovery will be easier.
I'm counting on it.
I know you'll all be sending me good energy, and saying small prayers.
And I thank you.
Give me a few days, and I'll be back.
I promise.

From another POV.

   With my surgical date fast approaching, I am parceling out my time.
I did go to the studio, and did some catching up, but my head that RULES said no weaving today.
No sewing today.  NO LIKE REAL WORK TODAY.
So I listened, and came home.
One of my priorities is to walk Roy every day before I go, even if I have to push myself to do it.

I've discovered, that if opening your eyes widely is painful in the sun, you can really walk with your eyes half mast, as long as you're on the road, and you know where you are.  With my eyes closed, or very nearly, I am most aware of Roy's little BIG feet tapping quickly along the pavement, his tags jingling on his collar, and the sound of the wind in the trees.
It was a cool wind on my face, but not the kind that makes you hurry to get home.  It was refreshing, and good.
We walked for an hour, and now he's snoring beside me.
That was my priority today.
I'm going to hate leaving him, he's somewhat attached at my hip.

Someone said to me the other day......."you're so strong."

Ah, not so much.

The plain, unvarnished truth is that I looked at the situation from all sides.   I  tipped it up, and turned it over, investigated,  googled, stayed up all night worrying. 
I imagined every possible thing that could go wrong, every unbelievable and tragic outcome.
I cried.   I hated it right down to my toes.  I talked it out. 
Then I cried some more.
Then I shook my fist at the sky, and said, "This is not what I expected."

Then, unnerved, and a little disgusted,  I said to myself.  "I need to make a plan."
So I did.
My plan is simple.  To the point.
Just like I learned in AlAnon so many years ago, when my life seemed so unmanageable.  I'm living  it one day at a time.
I do what's right in front of me.  This day.  This minute. This hour.  It's the only thing that really belongs to me. One foot in front of the other.  Living my life like Roy does.
Walking when there's a walk to be had.  Napping when the sun in on my favorite blankie.  Eating when my dish is full.  Life on life's terms.   What a concept.
Worrying about what's coming tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, is simply a waste of my time.  Worrying won't change one whit of it.
So I refuse to do it.
I am going about the business of living, to the best of my ability right now, one day at a time.
 And I'll do that very same thing, tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.

I don't have to like all this.
As Sydney says:

"This is a revolting turn of events."

I agree Syd.  But like it or not, I do have to accept it.
This is my life, and my path.
I can only do the best I can do.
One. Day. At. A. Time.