Crazy as a Loom

Friday, May 3, 2024


Every thing I do takes at least twice as long as it used to.   I am still using a cane, because  walking without it is pretty painful.
So showering, doing dishes, doing laundry, feeding dogs, feeding  my  outside cat and his friends, cooking dinner, getting the garbage and recycles out, everything, is an event.
Today is  three weeks since my surgery.  I have already started driving myself to PT this week, and yes, I have been weaving.  Thank God, or I think that mentally, I would be in worse shape.

I don't weave for long, but it is so good for me.

I am also planning ......future weaving projects, and future weaving workshops...........that's a good sign.

I know that gardening most likely will not be in my future this summer........and I am grateful that I have an amazing kid who is keeping my lawns mowed and trimmed and looking awesome.   It hurts a bit financially, but I think that it's worth it not to have to worry about it, or actually, even think about it.

I feel so guilty that Naya and Willie aren't getting walks, and haven't for months.   They deserve better, and I just can't do a thing about it.

They are my ever present companions though, and I don't know what on earth I would do without them.

They call them rescue dogs, but truly, there are days when they rescue me.

I am not sure what happens after a surgical "assault", but I do know that it's unwise 
to underestimate it.
I was at PT the other day, and I told my therapist that I was struggling with the pain, it just wasn't getting better very quickly.   
He said..........."does it feel like they cut off your leg and reattached it?"
Horrified, I said, "What?"

He repeated.
" Does it feel like they cut off your leg and reattached it?  Because that's what they 
did.  And it's only been two weeks."

Enough said.

I am also amazed at how tired I am since surgery........just exhausted much of the time.  Naps feel like heaven every one.

I also can't concentrate long enough to read a book.
So Netflix and Britbox are my friends, and mindless work like Kumihimo, making cords
that I don't need.

I have yet to get my screen porch  ready.  The floor is mostly the needs sweeping, vacuuming and mopping, all things that are difficult for me right now.

The furniture has been covered up with plastic all winter, and all the cushions and chair covers and such are washed and put away in the attic loft.  This is the first time ever that I have done that in the fall.  I always waited and did it now, in the spring, but for some reason, I got organized last November, and I am so glad that I did.  Once the floor is cleaned, I won't be far from being able to use the porch.
The dogs love it, I love it.

They run in and out of the dog door a thousand times a day, and I don't have to let them in or out.  Marvelous.

I am struck lately by the incessant need of the mind to project into the future.  Should I do this, or should I do that.
What if I moved here, or changed this, or started this, or gave up this........a constant barrage of what to do, or how to do things, in a time that has not arrived.
It is such a total and complete waste of time.

As we get older, it gets even more ridiculous.  Years ago, when I was in the midst of extricating myself from an alcoholic husband, I had a sign over my sewing machine, it said, "Stay in the day".     It's solid advice, and one that I still, after all these years, need to remember.
Now that I am there any sense at all to wasting one minute planning for a future that is more tenuous by the day????   I think not.

I heard some good advice the other day, it said, "Every day, do what you do, and do it well", because that's all there is.

I think I am going to make a few little cards, and position them in places around the house, that say, once again, "Stay in the day."  It's so simple, yet so difficult.
We are bombarded by media telling us to put the future right in front of our faces, even when our logical minds tell us that's crap.

In an effort to decrease inflammation in my old body, I am trying this mushroom coffee.  Lots of reviews say it's very helpful in that regard, as well as lowering cholesterol.  And since I am dead set against taking statins, this is my plan.
I've heard things about how bad it tastes, but I have to say, I like it.
It tastes like coffee, but earthier somehow.  I use a little creamer, and drink one a day.
We shall see.  My opinion is that the medical community often throws meds at us, when natural remedies can and often do just as much for us, with less side effects.

I will keep you posted.  I'm planning on drinking it for two months, and getting labs 
drawn, and taking stock of how I feel overall.

I also think about what this "recovery" would be like, if Bill were still 

Being alone is one thing,
 being without someone you have spent so many years 
with is something else.

And being slightly disabled and recovering alone is truly something I never imagined, 
or saw coming.


Joanne Noragon said...

I wish you were pain free these three weeks later! But driving to PT is a good sign, as is weaving and putting out the dogs. Don't give up on yourself, as, of course, you won't. Maybe switch to a walker for a little more support. It's no more difficult than a cane to get out of the car, and you can ditch it entirely when done, and soon.

Susan said...

Using the walking aids actually helps your recovery. Rest is as important as the therapy too. You underwent a physical and mental assault, starting with all the constant hip pain through to surgery and now recovery. It takes time but its worth it... I promise!

As for for your 4 legged buddies. They know you are not well right now and they are very patient. They love you

Sojourner Design said...

I look forward to reading about your thoughts on the mushroom coffee.

About the doggos: I read the following awhile back; don't recall where: All dogs are therapy dogs. Most free-lance.

Rita said...

When I am exhausted and having more painful days than usual, Netflix and Britbox are good friends to have. ;)
Stay in the day is excellent advice to follow. Being a present moment kind of girl has its advantages living with chronic illness and pain. Absolutely.
I have never heard of mushroom coffee. I will have to google that.
When you are not used to being alone it has to be quite hard to adjust to. Thank goodness you have your fur babies (love the pic of them looking out the window) and wonderful family and friends. I hope you have a really good week ahead. :)

Rosie said...

Its good that you have hobbies to take your mind off the pain. Sometimes medications have too many side effects to be worth it. I have RA and inflammation is hard to manage but I am trying a gluten free diet and it seems to help a bit so I am sticking with it for now. Hope your mushroom tea helps and will follow your posts on the effectiveness for you. Hope you have a better week.

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