Thursday, June 17, 2021

Truth.


One thing I have noticed about getting older, is that it is very easy to let fear and uncertainty weasle it's way into your daily thinking.

Thoughts of "I can't", "I'm afraid to", "it's too hard", "how can I avoid this" and then on to........"I hate this", "it's not fair", "why me?"

None of this is any help.

My oldest daughter repeated my words to me the other day.  She said, "you just have to power through".   Ha!!!!!   I can hear myself saying that to her, and her sisters, on more than one occasion.

Then I got thinking about it, and realized that to NOT power through this old age bullshit, is to go back on all the things I taught my daughters, all the things I said to them, that shaped how successful they would be in navigating this world.

It would be cowardly, and I would be unworthy of their respect.

So POWER THROUGH is engaged.   I know that this will be hard.  I know that I would rather not do it.  But the evidence is all there, that it needs to be done, and I need to "cowboy up".

So onward and upward........less than 2 weeks until my knee replacement.   I will do it.  I will get through it, and I will manage the pain, and the inconvenience and all of it.   It will be good.  I will be happy for it in the long run, and it will make my life better.

Every day, I will repeat these things to myself, and tell fear and uncertainly to SCRAM.  You have no place here.


Some afternoons, we just sit on the porch, me and Naya and Willie, and sometimes Syd.  
If I gently rock the glider, this bonehead falls asleep.


I have been using an APP called Brightmind....it's a guided daily meditation, and so far I really like it.  I started with 10 min a day, but eventually hope to get up to 30 min.  I will admit it, it's hard for me to sit still that long.

In light of how my summer is going to be spent, I have not planted wildly all around my property, like I usually do.  No big bed of squashes, no rows of basil.  Nothing so far.
I did  get a cherry tomato plant for a pot, and a couple of basils, and a dill and a parsley.
That was it.
Pathetic.

I concede.  This will not be one of those years.  As soon as I am able, I will go to the Saturday morning farmer's market, and support local farmers.  That's my plan.

I have managed to keep the labyrinth weeded, without chemicals....just by being persistent, and doing it often.  It may be my walking exercise for awhile.




I have a list of things I have to get done.......I've shopped for animal food.....chickens, cats, dogs, birds........and  next week, I'll shop for food for me, since I don't eat meat, and DH does.

In other words, I have to get all my ducks in a row.  Damn ducks.

The computer that I run Weave Point on, that runs my AVL, stopped powering up.   One duck out of line causing aggravation.   So I took it to a local computer repair place, and they said it apparently was not a big deal.   $99.00, I picked it up, brought it home, and it STILL did not power up.  So on a whim, I dug out an old monitor I kept in the closet, just in case, and sure enough, it came right on.  So it was the monitor ALL ALONG.  Not sure what I paid $99 for.

  Lois and I put a warp on the AVL last week, just because it was all wound and waiting, and I didn't want it lying around all summer.  So now the warp, and the computer, are ready, when I get around to them...which will probably be a while.
It's hand dyed silk, so something to look forward to weaving.




I also had a ton of wound skeins of 8/2 cotton, so I decided to dye them all before my surgery, so I wouldn't be tempted to go and do it when I shouldn't.
Cause I know myself well.

And that's my story for now.......busy schedule until the day.......then I will be on the other
side of it, and that will make me glad.  Thinking about it, anticipating it, is awful.


I will be going to the library to stock up on books.  That's a must.

And there's PT, of course.
Lots of PT.

And I tell myself, the pity train has just pulled up to the station named "SUCK IT UP and MOVE ON."

And so I will.  
I'll keep you all posted.





 










8 comments:

Janet said...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery on your knee replacement! My surgeon said the following when I had my first knee replacement, "The surgery will heal, but the rest is up to you."

Boud said...

Good idea to focus on what's later, walking good again, knee pain gone. Then you can do what you need to.

I don't know a single person who doesn't in the end say it's worth it. Life is so much better after you've powered through. Let us know how you're doing when you're up to it.

Twylla Alexander said...

You continue to inspire me, Hilary. Your strength is contagious! Your labyrinth is beautiful and will welcome you with its "Put one foot in front of the other" mantra.

deodar said...

Good luck to you. I find that I have a pretty high tolerance for actual pain but an absurdly low tolerance for anticipating pain. I try to keep that in mind.

Joanne Noragon said...

The end of June, then. It will all be good.
That new warp is lovely, and the dyed 8/2 will be, too.
Best wishes, best luck. I'll be thinking of you.

Bettina Groh said...

DO WHAT THE PHYSICAL THERAPIST TELLS YOU ! NO PT, NO GETTING BETTER!! PAIN AND DISCOMFORT WILL DECREASE!!! from one who has done it twice!!!

Karen said...

I know how you feel, Hilary, and I wish you all the best with your surgery. I too will need a knee replacement sooner rather than later, and I am dreading it, despite the fact that ALL of the evidence shows that it is SO worth it! Deep breaths, one day at a time, do everything the PT says, and in the end you will wonder why you waited. I'll keep my eye on your blog to try and get there myself.

Pam said...

You mentioned you don't eat meat, do you consider yourself vegetarian? I toy with the idea, but not sure if I could. Your posts always inspire. As everyone has said, you will wonder why you waited so long to have your knee replacement done. It makes a world of difference. Positive thoughts to you.

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