Tuesday, July 31, 2018

I’m trying

And that’s all I can do.  That’s all anyone can do.

Just your best shot every day.

I am sure being tested.  I know that. Sometimes I try to figure out why, but most times I don’t even bother.

This, however difficult it is sometimes, is my reality.

It’s not always this bad, but for some reason in the  last seven years, I have had runs of wicked, pounding, unrelenting headaches.  Sometimes, like last Saturday AND today, I have the jagged light in my eye, and then the migraine.......on top of the headache I already have.

How is that possible?    I wish I knew.

Anyway, keeping it real, I admit to sometimes crying in the car.  Not sure why, but that seems like a good place.  I talk to myself, to my Mom.  I rant.  I let it all out.

Today was one of those days.

There isn’t a pain med going that helps.  I have considered marijuana. Really.  Which makes me laugh, because I have so hated it all my life.

Amazing what a certain level of pain will do.

And it really doesn’t matter what I do. Nothing really makes it better.

I will admit though, pulling a half dozen weeds from my daylilies did make it worse.

I stopped.

Every now and then I do something in an attempt to feel normal.

Sometimes it works, other times not so much.

I put this together today, after a nudge to get my brain to cooperate.

I call it the Möbi Shrug.

Hand dyed Tencel warp, rayon weft.





And I’ve been reading this.......saw it on another blog 

(you know who you are, and I thank you)

It certainly addresses my state of mind today.......staying where you are, and finding 

Whatever happiness you can find there.


Tough stuff

Still true. Making that choice.  Again....still.

20 comments:

deodar said...

If I might, I'd encourage you to try the CBD oil. I lost my husband to cancer last Feb., a rare soft tissue tumor that actually pushed through his rib cage and broke several of them. He could not tolerate the pain meds at all, he was to the point of hallucinating on them so we tried the oil and it helped. It is not made with the THC which is what gives you the 'high' in marijuana but there is anecdotal evidence that it helps many with intractable pain. You get to a certain point and wonder what you have to lose, might as well try it. Funny thing, his oncologist wouldn't comment on it when my husband was in treatment but when everything failed and he stopped all medical treatment the doctor did mention it was 'tomorrow's medicine'.

LA said...

Even with a horrible headache, you were able to come up with your Mobi shrug! WOW! I really love your design. There has been a lot of talk in my state of TN about medical marijuana, and it looks like there's some good stuff coming out into the light. One of the uses is for migraine headaches and seizure disorders. You might want to talk about this with your doctor....if it helps, it might be worth it.

Lori said...

i was going to suggest the cbd oil as well. I know quite a few people who take it for arthritis and it really helps them. It can't hurt to try it.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

I know people who use it. It's not the marijuana we used to know...or maybe not you, but I certainly tried it more than once. There is a lot of research going in to the cannabinoids and how they can treat different issues. I would strongly recommend it. It's certainly safer than opioids.

Shiralynkay said...

Don't be put off from the marijuana that they have today. My niece has scleroderma which is a horrible autoimmunine disease that there is no cure. Her pain is horrendous at times. Sometimes it's so bad she uses the cannibus creams and smoking it. It is the only relief she gets enough for her to sleep. She is beautiful and 54 and is facing a horrible life. But she is strong in her faith and uses the cannibus to get thru the day. We live in California so it is legal here thank goodness. I hope you try it.

Theresa said...

Go for it Hilary. Legal in this state in all forms and I truly dislike pot (and the use of large amounts of land, water and electricity to grow the stuff), I'm told the oil is effective for many folks without the THC high as mentioned by another poster. It may very well help ad if not it certainly is unlikely to do much harm to give it a whirl. Beautiful make!

DJan said...

I take a CBD oil called "Relief" that helps with my knee pain, and just about every other kind of pain. I also take another THC tincture that helps me sleep. And I even went so far as to try smoking it again, but I cannot abide the lung discomfort, plus it also makes me high, and the CBD doesn't do that. Just makes me feel better. Sending you lots of good vibes, dear Hilary.

Karen thisoldhouse2.com said...


I say try pot. I don't like it, have not been a pot smoker, but I have read about many people who get relief from it. Or at least the oil mentioned above if you just won't smoke a joint, LOL.

I'm sorry you're stilling getting slammed with those slammers, wish I had a good answer.

mudmaven said...

There are many, many medicinal marijuana options that are designed specifically to address pain issues that do not get you "high" and yet help with the pain. I have family and friends dealing with back issues, cancer and fibromyalgia that use these to help them cope with their pain and they all maintain that there is no "high" involved other than the relief of their symptoms. Don't close the door on something because of it's past history. It's a new day in the medical marijuana world! You don't have to deal with the whole "high" part of it anymore.

claudia said...

When I asked my doctor about what I could do to alleviate the pain I have from arthritis, she told me a lot of her patients like CBD oils. (She's a geriatric doctor) So, I had my SIL go with me to one of our hundreds of "green" stores to help me navigate the choices they offered. I'm sold! I am no longer taking the risk of damaging my kidneys, liver, and stomach due to having to take OTC pain relievers and I am not running the risk of becoming addicted to some of the prescribed meds, plus the havoc they wreak with organs.
I'm not saying I am absolutely 100% pain free all the time, but I can go through an entire day and not remember that I have this arthritis!
I say try it, you may just love it!

hart said...

I hope you find some relief. I would give the marijuana a try. You are still making beautiful art.

claudia said...

One other thing...doctors cannot prescribe it for you, they would be in deep trouble if they did. They can only say how other people have felt about it. I don't know if it is legal where you are yet. I'm in Washington and we are lucky enough to have it legal here. (On the other hand, there is a grow farm not too far from me and when they open their vents...oh boy, do I get a whiff! It's not the most pleasant, but since I am realizing the benefits of it now, I don't mind as much!)

Pat said...

Your wrap is just perfect. The colors and vibrancy are such a wonderful choice.

Deb said...

Go for it, Hilary. My SIL is about to start for her arthritis.

Daryl said...

i agree with the others who said try it .. you've got nothing to lose but the pain

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Unknown said...

I am a homecare physical therapist and can tell you more success stories from patients using CBD oil and combinations of CBD/THC. When using both the tinctures are in ratios. Tinctures of 8-15 parts CBD to 1 part THC work without making you high. Personally I despise the feeling of pot but have tolerated CBD salve and tincture for neck pain very well. One patient I had was a 95 year old with osteoarthritis that was so bad she was waking at night in panics and could literally not walk 5 ft. After starting the CBD OIL she was able to walk 45 ft without pain and then get up and do it again...she was literally a changed person. Another patient who had a redo on her neck fusion, who had been in agony, was wanting to get off of opioids. She started the tincture and gradually has removed pain pills from her life. Where once she was a constant 8/10 she is now 3/10. It can really help.

mageez said...

please try CBD oil. I promise you won't get high. it helps. in washington state I can buy it at the local food co-op. it's cheaper there than at the pot shops. you put a couple drops under your tongue. it won't fix the problem but it will help the pain.

Cathy Huber said...

I also take CBD oil for my chronic fibromyalgia pain - everyday. It has helped.

Try taking magnesium with malic acid. Magnesium is what docs give you in the ER for migraines. The malic acid minimizes most of the loose bowel effect that magnesium can cause.

brenda said...

I am not going to comment on the CBD oil as I believe it has been well covered. As a headache sufferer myself I am going to suggest that you see your MD who will hopefully order tests that will include thyroid panels. They are not completely gone but the difference after being on thyroid replacement is life-changing. This may not be your answer but the safety of getting to the root of the issue seems urgent.

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