Sunday, January 5, 2014

Cold, and pensive.

This morning I woke up thinking about how transient we really are, and about how we all feel that we are so unique, and yet there are millions of us.  How can that be?

My mother used to be adamant that there was no one like her.  Absolutely. No. One.
It used to make me laugh......she was so intent on that.

I read an article this morning..........I wanted to share it with you..
It is by Wendy Bradford, Blogger, Mama One to Three.

Before long, we learn that in this life, we are not here forever. We learn through the changing of seasons, the loss of our pets in childhood, the death of a loved one.
We have no guarantee of numbers. So many days under the sun or drizzly afternoons spent gazing out windows. We think they are infinite but they are not. One will be the last. And this is not the hardest part. The hardest is knowing those we cherish will share our fate; we can make no deal to change that.
We grow up when we know this. And this is the deal we get to be here. We don't ask, yet are given opportunity to love, to embrace, to wonder and be scared, to scream and kiss and run and lie still in the cool grass under the flickering stars on a cool evening.
We go through this time, galloping or whispering across the years, with a vague knowledge of the end. We are born to love feverishly. To anguish and rebound. To flourish. We are born for each other.
It matters little where or when or how we are here. Our hearts share the same code. Although we spend our lives attempting to cement that which is impermanent, we come to the same end.
Our gift is not one of time because that is uncertain and unfairly metered out. We have one moment in which to live. Our gift is of comfort and care. We cradle those hearts we meet, bringing joy where there is sorrow and ease when there is turmoil. Those of us who have, and who can -- we must. It is the deal we make with the one we get.

The deal we make. 

I think of my mother a lot these days.  2013 was both joyful and sad for me.  Both difficult and revealing.   Loss and letting go were so interwined, that I didn't see them happening until afterward.
Sometimes, I find myself looking at memories of last year, like a slide show. washing my mother's  hair in the shower, like she was MY child, tears running down my face, wondering if this was the last time. 

.....holding my daughter, while she rested between bouts of labor, and the intermingling of fear and joy and relief, when baby Dale emerged looking surprised.

.....waking from yet my third surgery to see my first daughter looking worried, but smiling through her tears, when I wiggled my arms and feet, and said, "nope, not paralyzed yet."

 .....feeling so incredibly loved when my grandchildren throw themselves at me, and hug me hard.

.....lying on the couch in a sunny window, with Roy snuggled up under my arm, the way I spent so many afternoons when I finally gave in to what I could not control.

.....knitting and drinking tea with a dear friend,  in a sunny window, for a whole afternoon.

......curled up on the couch, on a cozy evening like this one, DH in his chair, Roy close by, grateful for home.

So many memories.  Good, not so good.  

But I don't think we are all that different actually.  I think we are all pretty much just the same.
Or at least we start out that way.  

What we do along the way is called choice.

Isn't that right, baby Dale????


Susan said...

I've gotten so far behind on my blogging--can't imagine how a move across country did that to me. I love how you've summed up 2013; I don't think it could have been said any better.

Stay warm and wishing you a joyful 2014 with more hugs from those grands, XOXO

Dizzy-Dick said...

Oh so profound!! You explained life very well. I know that whether we choose or are forced into a situation, it is our life and we have to live it.

Mary said...

Dale is amazingly cute!!

Country Girl said...

You and I have had quite the year, my friend. You continue to rise above your troubles and see joy in the little things that make up your life. Thinking of you.

claudia said...

I read all that you wrote and soaked in every word...all so true.
And then...I saw the picture of Miss Dale and all those words went away. That baby girl is just the epitome of perfection. She is so beautiful!

Connie in Hartwood said...

I heard a comedian once who said something like, "So, you think you're one in a million? This means that there are at least 1100 people just like you in China." A funny way to say that we all share the same planet and (to a certain extent) the same experiences. We can sink into despair or we can seek joy ... I can see that you strive for the latter more often than not.

Daryl said...

cold and pensive and beautifully written/expressed

Anonymous said...

Lovely post Hillary. Cuddle up to those you love and enjoy the moment.

thotlady said...

Choice, yes I use that word quite a bit when explaining a situation to people. We have to live by our choices. Some don't realize that.

Always love to see baby Dale.

Karen said...

I love her words.. I love yours. Yes, absolutely true, every bit of it.

Lily said...

Thank you Hilary for your post today makes one think a lot. By the way that baby Dale is beautiful!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

That baby is AAAdorable! You're in my thoughts and prayers; right now, it's frigid and expected to get worse before dawn. Be safe and stay warm.

Devon said...

I really believe we are all unique in a million different ways.

The paradox is that when it comes to the basics we share so much.

Seriously, baby Dale is so adorable.

Shine said...

Thank you for sharing Wendy's post with true...and I love you take on her post. You are right dear friend...everyday is a choice. Blessings for a beautiful evening~~xoxo~~Shine

KarenInTheWoods said...

Great blog. Thank you.

Karen and Steve
(Blog) RVing: The USA Is Our Big Backyard

Tiggeriffic said...

My best friend died yesterday and it was hard...Her husband will have a hard time without her but he will manage and get on with his life..
But he said he had the memories and his dogs and that will comfort .
This little boy,Dale is so cute. He is just telling you GrandMa I love you~!
Have a great and beautiful day~!
Ta ta for now from Iowa:)

Deb said...

I have always thought that,too. Life is just a sequence of choices. I really believe that now when I look back over my life. Hilary, you will miss your mom from now on. I have lost a father, a best friend and many relatives along with precious pets but no loss is like the one I have of my mother. It's always there and it's been 16 years now. Baby Dale is such a joy of 2013 just like our little one, Gwyneth. We really are very lucky ladies. Hugs, Deb

BamaGurl said...

Just found your blog.....LOVE it. You express so many of my thoughts, it's amazing. The post about the headache especially touched me as I have been a migraine sufferer and know what extreme headaches are. Thankfully I no longer have them-but people who have never experienced one have zero clue and therefore really should not share their "opinions" about them. love ur blog, will read from beginning. Take care of u!

thewiildmagnola said...

thank you for sharing the article. It simplifies fears.

i agree with you, we are not that different.

i wish you a gentle good year.

Donna S. said...

This so touched home. I just started going through a really hard period with my Mom last fall. It has been a pretty rapid emotional roller coaster.

Take care & hope you have a great 2014.

Cupcake Murphy said...

It's quiet and I'm having my Sunday morning coffee. This post was so perfect to read right at this moment. Thanks. xoxo

Cupcake Murphy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Little Black Dog said...

I really enjoyed this post. It is an interesting thing to ponder - how are all different in so many ways but yet fundamentally we are all the same - we eat, we sleep, we breathe, we want to love and be loved, and yes for all of us our time is limited. Beautifully summarized and illustrated. I truly love reading your posts.

Deb said...

Haven't seen you post for awhile. Hope all is well. Hugs, Deb

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