Friday, August 8, 2014

One day at a time.

I do apologize for my lackadaisical blogging.   My only excuse is the truth.
I am having trouble with my life.
Managing it through daily pain.

Trying to keep my sense of humor, my perspective, my sense of purpose, that has never failed me in the past.
But then again, I have never experienced anything like this.

I came in from a short walk, my husband was in his recliner.
I put my fingers on either side of his head, on his temples, and pressed hard.  He winced.
Then I pressed on his face, around his eyes, hard, he moaned.

He said, when I took my hands away, "what was that??"

I said, "That's the way I feel every day.  I wanted someone to know."

Pathetic, I fear.

But sometimes it does seem like I am in this place that I can't explain, and that truthfully,  is hard for other people to hear about.
People that don't know me well, and can't tell from my expression, think I am just fine.
I have gotten pretty good at hiding just how much pain I walk around with.

What happened to May and part of June........when my headache had dulled down so much I almost felt normal?
I keep reminding myself of that.  Telling myself that it could happen again.  It could.

I pray for the breaks, however short they are.  I take them and relish every minute of them.

Last night I dreamed that a little, bald man whispered in my ear, he said, "Don't worry, I've got this.  I will take care of your headache.".

If only.

The chicks are settled in.   Bart is being a gentleman, so far.   Bossy, but not mean, yet.
Eight hens, and a rooster.......sounds like a perfect little group.

Weaving a bit, here and there. 
Still in love with my Swedish band loom.  Working on a guitar strap right now.

But regardless of how hard life can be sometimes, no matter how many losses and set backs there are,   there is always PURE JOY.
It often comes in small packages.


Connie in Hartwood said...

That little sweetheart has teeth!!! Such a big accomplishment for so a critter so small.

I admire how you can put one foot in front of the other on some days. No way to comprehend what you feel ... just know that I care.

Dizzy-Dick said...

He sure looks like a very happy bundle of joy. I know you count your blessing even though the pain makes it hard. I just got back from seeing an old friend, shaking his hand goodbye. They sent him home from the hospital to die. I will probably never see him alive again.

Country Girl said...

I just don't understand what is going on. It makes me sick and afraid for you.

Terry said...

Every day I look for a blog from you, hoping that you are having a "good" day, being able to appreciate the joy in your granddaughter's eyes and the beauty of your own creations. I wish that we could take any or all of the pain away from you and that you would know how much we appreciate your efforts. I know your family certainly does. You have our thoughts and prayers in all you do.

ain't for city gals said...

I have a friend who has been in chronic pain for over a year. She showed a picture of herself from two years ago...the difference from now was amazing....and not in a good way. It wears you down in more ways than one.

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

Wish there was something to say that would help. All we really have is one day at a time but pain makes us wish those days away. I admire you for having courage to face each day and have joy in the small one and small things that surround you. Don't give up! There has to be an answer somewhere.

annie said...

the baby is beautiful!
such a cute smile!

So sorry you are in such pain, I don't know you, but still wish I could fix this thing for you. All I can say is drink water, in reasonable amounts, not excessive, like 64 oz. a day, and don't use plastic water bottles at all or glasses or cups. It's a very simple thing, but even that can make a big difference in how you feel sometimes. blessings.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the return of the pain. I think we were all hoping that May and June would win out in the long run and you could return to something closer to painless. Any word yet from your doc about the MRI (or did I miss that?).

Chronic pain is life altering. I am thankful that I am at root an optimist, and I know that depression lies. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other; some days that's enough.

Deb said...

I'm hoping today you feel better, Hilary. Gawd! I just wish this would stop for you. Sending a hug. Deb

Devon said...

I wish I had words to make you smile... Your pain is real and out of your control. I am so glad that you have a wonderful family and community of friends to help you find it all more bearable.
Sending loving prayers your way. P.S. The little G-Baby is a doll and I love the color and pattern on the loom!

Karen said...

ooooh, that face.

And damn, I wish I had an answer for you. Seems like somebody should.

I can relate to unseen handicaps only through the tinnitus that accompanies my hearing impairment. I hear about 50 bells, whistles, crickets and pots banging 24/7, for the past 20 odd years now. So, not only am I close to deaf, I hear all these noises every-single-minute of my waking hours. If I let it get to me, I'd go insane. It takes conscious effort to not think about it. I cannot imagine if this were bad pain I was trying to ignore.

Sending love and hugs to you, friend.

Daryl said...

i wonder if the barometric pressure AND stress levels were lower.. n any event its sweet to see Ms Dale standing showing her little teeth! they grow up so fast ..

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