At last.

A long time ago, when I was still doing emotional/relationship drama, and thought one time that I was going to die because of my lousy choices in men, I bought this card.  I burned the edges, and then I glued it to a piece of slate.  I sealed and glossed it over with a product called "modge podge".....(they still sell this btw).....poked two holes in the slate, strung some leather through it (yes, I was into that whole hippie thing) and hung it up.  When I say a long time ago, I am not kidding......I think I made it in the early 70's.  It's practically an antique.

Today, it came back to me, when I truly needed it the most...........and I got up off the sofa, where I have truly been lounging, hating my headache,most of the day, and went out in the hall, to look at it.
Truly, I had forgotten that I still had it.
I read it several times, standing there.
The words grab me just as hard today, as they did back when I made this.

Thank you, Cupcake.  I am reserving a seat at the book signing for you, front row.

A dear friend just gave me this book, and so far I love it.  

,

Let me read you the blurb on the back of the book:

At fifty, Alix Kates Shulman left a city life dense with political activism, family, and literary community, and went to live alone on an island off the coast of Maine.  Without plumbing, power or a telephone, and foraging for wild greens and shellfish, she faced challenges that helped redefine her notions of independence and courage, confidence, and creativity.  Among the hidden treasures of the natural world, she discovered sensual delights she had never experienced and the strength to continue her journey of self-awareness as she traveled back to the mainland and beyond.

I won't be going to Maine any time soon.  I thought differently. But you know what they say about making plans.  How God laughs??   He must be cracking up right about now.

I finally have an answer, after 10 months of this headache nightmare.  I debated about whether to blog about it yet, but then I thought.......hey............my followers have listened to me blather on for all this time, they have stuck with me, they have encouraged me and prayed for me.  I am not entirely sure how I would have gotten through this without my family, my friends, and my blogger friends.
The least I can do on my end,  is to share what I have finally found out.

The answer is not what I what I wanted to hear, but it is what I deeply suspected.  And to quote a dear friend and fellow blogger:

It has a name.
It has a treatment.
It has a cure.

I told you about it months ago, when it was just a whisper.   It is called Chiari Malformation I.
I was born with it, as many people are, and I never knew it, as many people don't.
Apparently, the whack to the head last August, made it worse, and pushed me over the line from asymptomatic to symptomatic.
The pressure from part of my  brain slipping down into my spinal canal, is what causes my extreme and constant headache, which is why nothing makes it better.

My surgery will be happening fairly soon.  Why wait, right?
I will keep you posted.  Or maybe one of my daughters can blog for me.

Don't think I am all that strong.  I have cried many times since I found out.  I waver between relief (now I know why), and disbelief. 
I am not angry.  It's nobody's fault.  It happened.
There are worse things, and I know that.
This is my path.  I will do my best to get through it.
I have a lot of weaving, and a lot of blogging, to do.

My mantra shall be:
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
This isn't a mistake.