Crazy as a Loom

When I don't blog for a month, I wonder if that's an indication that I should give it up, but then I don't.

It's been a difficult month since I posted.  The rib fractures have been a challenge, as I am sure anyone who has had them will attest.

I suddenly started feeling short of breath, after a couple of doctor appointments and a chest xray, it was determined that I had some pleural effusion right where the fractures were.....which is fluid accumulated in the space between your chest wall and your lung.  It presses on the lung, and affects your breathing.

So last week I had a thoracentesis, where they go in with a catheter and hopefull draw off the fluid.  I was hoping that was the end of the story, but of course it was not.

Call from the doctor who is concerned that I accumulated blood from the fractures themselves, and if it it blood, it has to come out.  So today I had a CT scan, and I am waiting for the results.

So I  may have to see a thoracic surgeon to remove the blood in the O.R.

Of course, none of this was what I wanted to hear, but what I finally decided was that I was going to accept whatever came to me.   If the news is good, if the fluid will reabsorb on its own with time, I will accept that.  If they say I have to see the surgeon, then I will accept that, and get on with it.

Because, ultimately, I know, that I have zero control over any of it.  And I know, that acceptance is the answer to all  my problems today.

When I finally settled on that, I felt some relief.  It was becoming a bit too easy to slide down that rabbit hole of worry and anxiety.

So I chose something else.

In the meantime, my house is on the market.

I know, it's a shock to me too.

In the end it came down to just wanting to be closer to my three daughters and my seven grands.  I am far enough away that I don't see them much.  The younger ones have baseball and soccer, and school, and their schedules don't leave much time for a trip to Mimi's that requires two hours on the road.

I want to spend time with the three most important people on the planet, my girls.

This house has been my passion for 21 years.  I have brought it back to life, I've spent pretty much every cent I ever had on it.

But it's way big for just me, and way too much work for me.

The yard is again, too big. too much money to maintain.

And in the winter, I am more isolated than ever.  Many times I have missed family get togethers, because the highway between us was dangerous.

The house has been shown a few times, and I am just stepping back and watching the whole thing unfold.

As with the medical, I am choosing to go with it, not worry about it, not try to control it in any way, just let life unfold.

I have faith that it will unfold exactly as it should.

I have been weaving a little, in 10 minute increments.  At first it wasn't possible, the rib pain was excruciating, but as the weeks passes, I could do a little at a time.   I actually set my phone timer for 10 minutes.  Seriously.

But eventually I took this piece off the loom, there was some satisfaction in that.

Since February, when Goldie transitioned to being a house cat with outdoor 

time, I have made sure he was in every night.  But last week, he wouldn't come in, and though

I tried, I couldn't find him.

I even got up twice in the night and looked for him on the porch.

Finally, at 6:30 am I went out there, and he was there.  He came in and it was clear that something had happened to him.  He could barely walk.  He was limping and trying to stay on his feet.    

I thought he had possibly had a stroke, or a blood clot, which I hear is common in older cats,

so I called the vet.

They saw him that morning....and the upshot of it was, "He got beat up by something."

So after a rabies shot and an antibiotic, for a puncture wound they found on his leg,

I brought him home with pain meds. 

He slept for 3 days.  He would only eat a little cooked chicken, which I had because I was making dog food in the crock pot.

Now he is going out for an hour or two in the morning, and then again in the afternoon, and 

then he is in for the night.  

He is getting better, thankfully.

My trail cam has been on the porch, and caught a HUGE raccoon out there two nights in a row, and a large stray cat.

I vote for the raccoon.

He's lucky I don't own a gun.

Goldie, the cat who lived outside my house for 9 years, in his solar house, and his house with a heated pad, now spends a great deal of time on the couch under my arm, purring loudly.

Maybe that is what you call retirement.