Crazy as a Loom

Friday, November 25, 2011

What brain?

Did you eat too much???  Like I did???
Ugh.
It was all too delicious.
 I brought my Quorn turkey loaf, and it was made fun of.  But even the ones making the jokes had to admit that it tasted pretty darn good, and the texture was even close to real turkey.
I liked it, and if you put a little gravy on it, you would not even know that it was not the 'once' live bird.

See, that's where I have the problem.  The 'once' live part. I am so comfortable with not eating meat anymore, it surprises even me.
I also made a Pear and Red Onion Gratin, recipe HERE that totally boggled everyone.   It is definitely different, I loved it, and my mother maintains that a foreigner must have come up with it.


Anyway, the headache remained low key throughout the day, which I was grateful for.  But as soon as I went to sleep last night, the headache increased enough to wake me up.  THAT is disturbing.
So when the doctor's office called this morning, to tell me that my MRI was scheduled for Tuesday at 8am, I was both happy, and distressed.  Tuesday?  Really?
So I took L's advice.........the squeaky wheel gets the grease......and I called the imaging center, and told them the simple truth.  "I have had a headache for 5 weeks now."
How about today at 1pm??  Can you do that???
Uh, yeah.  With bells on.  I'll be there.

As soon as they rolled me into the MRI machine, and I saw how close it was to my face, I slammed my eyes shut.  Seriously.  And I promised myself that no matter what, I would NOT open them while I was in there.  I imagined they were  GLUED shut.  I don't think you have to be claustrophobic to NOT LIKE THAT.  And I couldn't take the chance of screwing this test up, so I made the hugest effort I could to take myself somewhere else.....anywhere else.   The noise was deafening.  Thuds, and horns, and bumps.  Crazy.
If you didn't have a headache, not to worry, you would have one when you got out.
But the test was completed, and I was rolled out into the open.  Then, and only then, I opened my eyes, and for some reason, the tears rolled down my face.
What a wimp, eh?
Well, it is what it is today.  For sure.  I will admit to being beat down a bit by this pain.

I managed a walk for Roy, and for me.


It was not as cold as it looked.


And I find, that my headache loses its power over me, if I keep moving.  The truth is, it's hard to get going, but I know that if I do, I can push the headache back a notch.  Other things take center stage.
Roy.  Fresh air.  Walking.  Being alive.  Being grateful.

Then Roy took his nap in the sun.


At times, I can't believe this is happening.  A headache for 5 weeks?   It seems impossible to me, and yet I know that it is true.  It is real.  There has to be a reason, right?
What really scares me, is when I mentally make that list of what might be causing this monster to have taken up residence right behind my eyes.
And then I think, what if they don't find the reason??  And the headaches just go on, and on?

Right now, I am choosing not to think about it.  I can't.
Maybe I'll think about it tomorrow.
After all, says Scarlett, tomorrow is another day.






18 comments:

JC said...

I'm glad they got you in. Mri's are all a mental game. Really they are. I've had so many I'm used to them and I am scared of tight things. Didn't they have music for you ? Those are better.

Hilary said...

I'm glad you know how to squeak and got your appointment bumped up. MRIs are indeed unpleasant and seem to take forever. Claustrophobia doesn't help. The music they play did though. ;)

If one doctor saw very inflamed sinuses, and your headaches intensify at night could it be something in your room that you're reacting to? Feather comforter or pillows.. the dust mites. What's been in your room for 5 weeks that wasn't there before?

MarthaVA said...

I hope the MRI either tells them what is wrong, or shows there is nothing wrong...not sure which is better for you. But don't let your mind go there (easier said than done, I know, recently having had a major medical scare).
Has anyone checked your blood pressure? I don't know why that question came to mind...
I AM glad you squeaked...I also had to do that recently, and it paid off.
Take care, keep us informed. Sending healing thoughts...and lots of ((((HUGS)))). (give one to Roy Boy for me too!)
Martha

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

Imagine yourself laying in the sun next to Roy. Now don't just imagine it, go do it!! I had an Upper GI and abdominal scan done recently. Worry worry worry. Then it was nothing. They will figure this out for you and fix it.

Jaimie said...

I have friend who had a bad headache and went to the ER. Usually she is a bit dehydrated and they give her some fluids and she is fine. This time they said the blood work is funny, she may have bone cancer. Nope, not bone cancer, maybe you have lung cancer. Nope. Hmmmm. Finally an older doctor came in and said. You have an arthritic neck. I will put you in a soft neck collar and you will feel fine in two hours. She did.

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Come hell or high water, it's time for some answers. Pinched nerve, eye problems, back, neck. Whatever the answer.... it's time for your pain to end so that you can get on with life in comfort. I'd have been a basket case and in for an MRI weeks ago... you are a tough woman is all I can say. How long before they have answers, did they say?

Montana Wildflower said...

I had a huge headache for 18 years and 2 days.

Once the divorce papers were signed, he went away.

Cait Throop said...

Agree with Di. Time for answers. Yeah, how long before you get some answers????? Enough already, Hilary! I'm glad you got squeaky and got it done! Hugs!

claudia w said...

YAY Squeaky!!!
I'm saying prayers that they find something really easy and quick to fix!
I agree with one of the above comments. Lay down in the sun with Roy. I did that once with my little dog and it felt SOOOOO good!

Tiggeriffic said...

First time I had a MRI it scared me so much.. I closed my eyes and sang Jesus Loves Me.. It calmed me right down.
I wish I had a magic wand to help you with your headaches and if I did have a magic wand I would pass it by my right knee that is needing a total knee replacement after Christmas.. Pain is not a happy thing to have to deal with daily.
Praying for fast relief...Have a blessed day~ ta ta for now from Iowa:)

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I've had a couple of migraines and they are terrible. I still remember my dad suffering from cluster migraines in the 60's--His face would turn beet red and one eye (only one) would tear continuously. My mom would bring ice packs and he would take BC powders. He would have these headaches every fall and spring. Later when put on beta blocker Inderol) his Dr. told him he would never have one of those headaches again--He didn't!

Hope the the headache resolves soon. I'm one of those people who cannot do the MRI--I would have to be unconscious!
V

Sweetpea said...

Hilary, I don't know much about medical things but I have some strong feelings/knowledge about dog things, about what they can do for us. They are doG. They can take us out of ourselves - if even for a few moments - and elevate our spirit to all the places our spirit needs to go.

I'm a migraine sufferer, from waaaaay back. Not to compare that with anything that is presenting to you, but just to say I have much empathy for being overtaken by something I can't seem to control. Fur + four paws is one big glorious blessing. Keeping all good thoughts for you!

Karen Anne said...

Hilary, I would not focus on the five weeks as meaning something horrendous is wrong. About twice a year I have cluster migraines that have lasted anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 or more weeks.

Just because something hurts a lot does not mean whatever is causing it is serious. Sometimes pain even feeds on itself and winds up being much worse than the original "organic" cause.

I hope you get this resolved very soon.

Karen said...

Hilary - the time frame does not mean it's ominous. Frustrating as hell? yeah. I told you I had a headache for six months. Cat Scan, MRI, blah blah blah... it all came down to what we will assume was a muscle tension headache, which is all anyone could come up with. It eventually went away on it's own, with the help of the muscle relaxant I told you about. And THAT took a while.

SO.. don't think the worst. It could be just a pain in the a** that will resolve with time. As frustrating as THAT is.

Country Girl said...

I'm glad you had the MRI. I didn't want to tell you what it would be like. I didn't want to worry you. I'm thinking of you.

Carol said...

I am so glad you 'squeaked' loudly and adamantly and got an earlier appointment...it is well beyond time for answers! Here, here for lying in the sun with Roy, that gentle comforter. Try not to think the worse, just try to stay in the moment. In my thoughts and prayers, Hillary...we are waiting with you.

weavinfool said...

I had a horrible headache for weeks and it was from a CSF leak. They never found the tear and it sealed itself up. That was 12 years ago and it has never happened again.
When I was in the greatest pain I had an MRI. The man who slid me into the machine was Asian. When I slide out the man was Scandinavian! The first guy was off on a break. What a hoot. That's now what I remember the most - the incongruity of it.
With the csf leak, the pain was worse when horizontal. I had to be tipped up a bit to lessen the pressure - or something like that.
Sending healing thoughts. My hospital roommate learned a British expression in WWII that she said meant hang in there and it's 'keep your pecker up'! That's what I wish for you.

Marsel said...

So sorry you're still dealing with this stupid headache. I hear you on the MRI thing -- I had a head/neck MRI done last year and it was all I could do not to scream and try to escape! What a horrid feeling.

Hang in there...

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