Sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do.

On the way to the studio this morning, I got to thinking about people who are "emotionally unavailable".
You've heard that term, right?
What the hay is that, exactly?
We've all met someone that we could use that phrase on. But still, what is it, really?
I used to say it about my father.
Emotionally unavailable.
He appeared not to have the same emotions. Or he didn't have access to them. Or he didn't know how to let them show.
I used to think, growing up, that he didn't love me.
Now I realize, tearfully sometimes, that he loved me the best he knew how.
And that the gift he gave me, was the gift of being more like him than I ever imagined.
Except that I think I escaped that gene of 'emotionally unavailable'.
And for that, I am also grateful.
But today, dear friends, I am feeling much like a criminal.
Three years ago, Kizzy's mom had him and a sibling in the barn. By the time they made themselves visible to me, they were almost 12 weeks old. Kizzy fell for the Havaheart the first night. His mom, soon after. But the sibling, a little gray manx, resisted. He was killed in the road not far from the studio a few days later.
So this past weekend, while at the fiber festival, I worried. I knew I couldn't do the Havaheart thing when I wasn't there to monitor it, so I had to wait til today. I prayed that they would stay out of the road in the meantime.
So, first thing this morning, the Havahearts went out on the porch.
They are under the blankets.

From september

Right away, momma cat came up on the porch, and stuck her head in..........9 Lives tuna flakes were calling to her.
I watched, holding my breath.
Then, a streak of gray and white flew by her, and one of the kittens was in the trap. Momma stuck her head in again, and I was hoping she would go in. The trap hadn't tripped with the kitten alone, it wasn't heavy enough.
And just as she stuck her head in again, kitten #2 barrelled by her, flew into the trap, and with both of them on it, the trap closed.
Somebody is really teed off.

From september

She lurked all day. First on one end of the porch, then on the other.

From september

But she wouldn't go in the other trap.
I felt bad, still do.
Taking her babies away. What an awful thing to do.
But then, if I didn't take them, what is their future?
The road.
Their hormones, soon, will take them down that road to more kittens, raised in the wild.
Or soon, momma's own instincts will take her away, to a new litter, and being hungry, and cold, and always in danger.
The life of a feral cat is not pretty. They live on the average of two years. And the north country is cold in the winter. Snow too deep to navigate, no food, no water, predators. It is an awful life.
When you see them romping in the grass in the sun, it is hard to think that their life is not really like that.
But you have to see the whole picture.
If I were God, I would make it so no cat or dog was ever homeless, and never abused.
If I were God.
But I'm not, so I have to do just what I can.
Kitties are in the pink bedroom, and they have a litter box, and another box to sleep in, and a rug under the bed, cause that's what they like to do, go under the bed. Food, water. NPR on the radio, so they get used to peoples' voices. A scratch pad toy with a ball.
Someone said, that room should be called the nursery.
Seems so, cause that's where all my cats have started out their lives, except for Sydney the Walmart greeter, she didn't need any socialization skills.

From september

It didn't help that someone stared at me all day long.
So I decided to just placate her a bit. After all, I want another shot at catching her. She needs to be neutered, soon.
So I fed her on the other end of the porch, away from the trap.

From september

And here they are, not the best picture, but they are kinda scared right now.
But sweet.
Can't you just hear them, calling to ya???? Asking you real nice to take them home?
Make a fool of them, like all of us crazy cat/dog lovers do.

From september

I KNOW ya hear 'em.
You can call ME, or email ME, and I will let them know you called for them.
AND, to whomever gives these babies a home......just in case you thought I was not really that crazy....I am.......I will give them a certificate for $50 toward the spay/neuter for each kitty.
I know you can't resist a great deal like that.
And the love you get will be immeasurable.
You knew that, right?