Keepin' on.

By this afternoon, the headache had me firmly in its grip, so I hit the couch.

I had company.

I always have company.

Do I bless the day this boy came into my life???

You bet I do.

Let's hear it for dog rescues.  You think you are rescuing the dog, but the truth is somewhat different.

He sure knows how to get comfortable.  And that's a fact.

I will be calling to schedule my MRI first thing tomorrow morning.  This is just plain ridiculous.

After a little rest, I pushed myself out the door.  I figured a little fresh air wouldn't hurt me, and my head will ache either way, prone or upright.
So let's do it.

I am happy if I can inspire you all to get moving, if you need to.
I figure if I can walk 20 miles a week, at age 64, then there is a good chance that when I hit the BIG SEVEN-O, I will still be making some effort.
My inspiration is watching my mother, who has never, ever tried to keep moving.  She gardened, but anything that smacked of aerobic activity was pretty much a no go for her.  Unfortunately, there is arthritis on both sides of my family tree.
She walks like Groucho Marx, most of the time.
When I chide her to please straighten up, she gives me that look that you see sometimes on an old person's face, you know the one.  Eyebrows raised, eyes glassy, the look that says, "Are you speaking English?"
But then she actually does straighten right up.  She CAN do it.  She just doesn't want to be bothered.
And because she is so sedentary, now she can barely walk any distance at all without a lot of pain.
I gave up long ago ranting about how arthritis pain gets BETTER with activity.  She doesn't believe me.

The important thing is, for me, that I believe it.  I know it's true.  The more I move, the better it feels.
So I fully intend to keep on doing it.
The November light is different, but it was incredibly warm, and a lovely day to walk.

Roy is my walking partner,   like Eddie was, and there will be others.  There will always be a walking dog in my life.

I will rescue them.

And they will rescue me.

We will walk along the Hudson River,  and watch the sunlight fade.
And it will be an incredible trade off.
Just sayin'.

FB and food.

I swear there are days, when I am tempted to delete Facebook from my computer.  Yes, it does keep you in touch with people, and makes it easy to keep up with what is going on.  Yes, it is a great way to share pictures, and ideas, and energy.  But there is a LOT of not so great stuff passed around, and if you ask me, just plain STUPID stuff.
But there I go, being annoyed again.
Headache is better, but still present.  I am seeing improvement though, and I am heeding any and all advice about cooling my heels, and getting better.  Believe it....I am.

But back to FB.
There was this picture, of the President, and Bill Richardson and Hillary Clinton.  The President does not have his hand over his heart, and the other two do.  The  mean and denigrating comments on FB were
aimed at this, saying that he refused to do it while the pledge of allegiance was being said.  The truth of the matter is HERE
They were actually singing the Star Spangled Banner at the time.
What the hell????  Are people so bored, that they have to FIND things to use against him???
And then take the time to put it on FB.  Really?

Grow up is what I want to scream.  Start by changing yourself.  Be a better person.  Work harder.  Be kinder. Stop bitching and finding fault, and be part of the solution, not the problem.

Then, someone posted a picture of a cemetery, a military one I am assuming, with an EAGLE sitting on a gravestone.  And then a million comments about how touching and meaningful it is.
I'm like.......what?   You really believe that an EAGLE came down and sat 2 feet off the ground, on a grave marker?  You don't have PHOTOSHOP where you live?  Do you live under a bucket????
How about the postings on FB to save a dog, or a cat, from a life of hell???
What, NO COMMENTS?

Whew.  I am exhausted.
I have to stay off FB for awhile.

Hey, maybe it's the headache. Or the prednisone.
Or maybe not.
I hope I didn't offend anyone with my rant.  But I feel better now.

I am eating everything in sight, thank you Mr. Prednisone.
But walking might keep me from blowing up like the Michelin man.
It was cold this morning, but lovely all the same.

I am listening, to all of you, and to this little voice in my head.
Ah, yes, secondary gain from what life delivers you.  Thank you, Spindrift.  You are so right on.
And little birds in Florida warning me about my 'risky behavior'.  Good friends tell you what you need to hear.

Today, walking along this very bike path, listening to James Taylor singing Walking Man, I thought that probably Roy saved my life 4 months ago.  Even though grief is what brought him into my life, losing my sweet Eddie, Roy has moved me to push myself out of my comfort zone.  Before he came along, I might have walked 2 miles a week accidentally, a long way from the miles I used to run 20 years ago.
But since June, we have logged in 20+ every single week since.  It has not only improved by endurance, and made me feel more comfortable in my own skin, but it has allowed me time to center, and focus.
Time to just be.  How often do we do that?

So between Sweet Boy Roy, and the October/November headache, I think I may rewrite the script a little.  Our life stories can be a lot like pizza.  Pepperoni and mushrooms can be a wonderful chapter, but if you never try that spinach, mushroom, pesto and fresh mozzarella side, well, hey........you might miss the best part, something phenomenal.

OMG, that is making me so hungry.

I'm here.

Just one question.  Why would anyone plant juniper bushes all along your sidewalk, when they so distinctly smell of cat pee???

Am I missing something????

Every now and then, don’t you QUESTION the sense of things???

Seriously.

Like the woman in Stewart’s whose credit card was DECLINED when she tried to buy ONE pack of cigarettes.   For nearly $10.

Is it time to quit, folks? Huh?

Just wondering.

Of course it could be that I was already so annoyed, and that’s why I was bothered in the first place.

Or maybe some things are just so inherently dumb, that they can’t be avoided on any level.

I am trying to act normal, when I feel anything but normal.  I have never had a headache like this, not in my whole life.  I have done the right things, gone to my doctor, and then returned when things were no better.  Then I went to a specialist, when after 3 weeks, I had no relief. 

But even though I was given some hope that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, yesterday  was the worst day yet.

So now, that got me wondering.  Is it something more serious?  Devious?   Worrisome?

Is it something that I will look back on as a real pain that resolved, or is this a life changer?

Hey, this might be one of those inherently dumb things that I can’t avoid.

I can't tell you how many days I have gone to the studio late, and come home early in the last month.  I have accomplished so little, that it is embarrassing.  Lois has pulled her weight, and 3/4 of mine.  

 I played a little with my loom at home, but not with any real passion.

You don't have what you don't have. Period.

I managed to get this warp on it, with fewer mistakes than I expected.

Last night, I cried myself to sleep, the pain was unbelievable.  My daughter was bent on me going to the ER, but there is nothing more stubborn than an 'old nurse', unless it's an 'old doctor'.  That's the truth.  We make lousy patients.

The carrot  of "better by Monday" was dangled, and I was determined to give it a chance.

Then this morning, I woke up with a headache that was still there, but bearable.
I took the morning very slow.   I tiptoed.  I hoped.  I started my purple and orange dish towels.
I ate eggs and english muffins to cushion the prednisone.

After a while, I went to the studio, paid bills, finally got the birthday present to the birthday girl, had lunch.
Did you know that Prednisone makes you ravenous?
After lunch, I decided not to push my luck.  I came home, rested a bit, then took Roy for a walk.
The headache remained threatening, but not debilitating.
Yesterday began to recede in my memory, just a little.

Now it is 8pm, and the headache is staying put, not releasing me, but not bringing me to my knees.
Not today.
Let's weave a while.
Shall we Roy???

At last.

Once again, I am unproductive.
But that's OK, the most important thing on my schedule today was my doctor's appointment.
I was anxious to get there, so I was early.
Did you ever have a scope put up your nose??  It sounds worse than it actually was.  And besides, I was up for whatever would give me some answers.
The scope revealed that I do not have an infection, and probably never did.
From my history, the upshot is that I have had a HUGE allergic reaction to the dusty selvedge I was working with about a month ago.  My sinus cavities have become swollen, and the inflammation has run riot.  The prednisone I got from my primary was a good idea, it just wasn't enough prednisone.  The decongestants may have actually made my situation worse.
Now I am on the MOTHERLODE of Prednisone, and a steroid nasal spray, plus an antihistamine that I should probably be on forever.  If I am not better by MONDAY, I only have to call, and the MRI is already ordered.
You can bet I picked up the medications on the way home, along with a sick grandson.
We decided it was a nice day for a little walk to the ice cream store.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, and shirt sleeve weather, once again.
YAY.

And you know Roy is always up for a walk.

Dobert's makes their own ice cream, and Blue Moon is a favorite of all my grandkids.
I personally like Pumpkin Nut.

I didn't make it to the studio at all, it just wasn't going to happen.
I feel badly, cause it's LOIS's BIRTHDAY.
Her birthday present is in the back seat of my car, and she said she is ok waiting until tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Lois.....you're the best!!!!!!!

I am hoping that today is the beginning of feeling better. I  am SO ready.

Being sick just knocks the life out of you.

Sometimes naps are the only answer.

Until tomorrow.

Finally.

After waking up in the middle of the night, with a stake driven through my forehead, I decided this morning that enough was enough.
I am not waiting for an appointment in a week, I called Albany ENT, and they can see me tomorrow morning.
At last.
I hope they have an answer.  I PRAY that they have an answer.

So while I am not accomplishing ANYTHING, it's ok, because accomplishing things isn't my priority right now.
Funny, how that happens.  We get older, and our bodies change.  Parts work, or don't work, or don't do as they are supposed to, and we adjust.
When we are feeling well, we take it for granted.  When we're not, we long for that normal.

Children are reminders of how sweet it is when our bodies are fairly new.

Sydney watches for this little one, and Sydney is her target, as soon as she comes in the door.

I needed this........she makes a body feel good, even when it doesn't.

Sydney agrees.
She told me.

I am a firm believer that your age is mostly irrelevant, that your attitude is everything.  Being open to new things, wanting to explore your world, staying active, I think those are the things that keep you young.

Hey, it's working for her.

I do miss the days when my butt looked this good, diaper or no diaper.
But maybe that's in my future.......hmm.

She actually got more done than I did.
I left early, and headed home for the couch.  Hard to be productive with a stake in your forehead.

And don't let's forget to exercise with that broom, before we head on home.
Ah, she's an inspiration, this girl.
I love her visits.  How could you not?

Saying thanks

Wow, have I lost my groove, or what?
Seriously.
Maybe changing my schedule around on the heels of a marathon headache was not such a good idea.
I ended up falling asleep on the couch after dinner.

I have decided not to worry one whit about not being productive.  I'm not.  It is what it is.
I am doing the best that I can.
The ENT's office told me to call every afternoon, to check for cancellations the next day.  Guess they forgot to tell me that they were closed on Monday.


Sydney says:
That's a fine kettle of fish.

Still, I am grateful.  I know that there are so many people, younger than I, with far worse situations to deal with.  
We never know what tomorrow brings us.  We just try to meet it with as much grace and humor as possible.
I remember right about the time I started this blog, I had a knee replacement.  It was March, 2007.  I had a tough time.  The pain was something I don't ever want to revisit.  Pain meds were useless.  I didn't sleep, I couldn't eat.   My knee looked like a misshapen cantaloupe for months.  Then a manipulation, to bend it.  Then for good measure, I had my gallbladder removed just 3 months later.  It was a dark time, and I felt cheated. What was my body doing to me??  After all, wasn't this new knee supposed to be an improvement??
Well, let's just say that it is not a success story every time.  I had  a couple 'second opinions', and the general consensus was, even a year later, they didn't know what happened, and  that this was my knee.  Get used to it.
Now, four years later, my knee is still not pretty.  It is always swollen.  I will always want my old, rickety knee back.  I will always be aware of the 'alien' part in my leg.
But I can walk, yes, I can.
Since June, I have walked about 20 miles every week.  Sure, my knee aches in the night, but it's worth it.  Walking with my boy Roy along the river........???  You bet it's worth it.

So, ultimately, and always, no matter what, gratitude is the attitude.
Sydney agrees.  She told me.

You're never too old.

Thanks for all your encouragement.  I have listened gratefully.   I am convinced that it is my sinuses that are causing me all this misery.  After my painful experience with the Neti pot, my head started to drain.   The last few days the headache has increased and decreased with intensity during the day.   I can't really figure out why.
I am pretty sure that my sinuses are not happy with my shenanigans.....i.e. weaving with dusty selvedge.
That and a late frost, and allergies, may have tipped my nasal cavities over the edge.

I have been cleaning loopers, with a mask on, so we can make enough kits to get through this busy season.

Today was the beginning of my new schedule.  Usually I am out the door every morning about 8:30, on my way to the studio, which is about 8 miles from my house.  I work all day, and when I get home at 4:30, I take Roy for his walk....and mine.  I used to go after dinner, but as the days have gotten shorter, I have tried to go before dinner.
But now the time has changed, and it is going to be dark when I get home at that time.
So today, we got up and went for  a morning walk.  Starting today, we will walk every morning, and I will get to the studio about 10am, and stay til 5 or 5:30.  
One thing I noticed today......I have a whole lot more energy walking in the morning.  The challenge is going to be keeping it up as it gets colder and colder.

I took myself for a little drive this afternoon, it was such a sunny, gorgeous day.

I am particularly listening to my body, and to the reminder that, once again, I am pushing myself pretty hard.

I am making  a plan to change things up in ONE MONTH.
After the "big show" on Nov 18th, 19th, and 20th, and THEN the Country Christmas Open House on the first weekend in December, I am going to do something different.
Do I know what?
Heck, no.  
I only know that I will figure it out.  Take suggestions.  Brainstorm it.  Sleep on it.  Mull it over.  Ruminate. Come up with it.

Times change.  Things evolve.  Sometimes you just have have to be open to what could happen.

 
I know one thing, I am always learning.  I guess that's a good thing.


Roy was so confused after walking 4 miles first thing in the morning, that when I came home this afternoon, he had moved my sneaker from the kitchen door, to the couch.
There's a message here.

Right, Roy???

Update, blah, blah.

Still hanging on here........
Trying not to whine, or cry out loud.
Doing what I can do.
Thanks to Karen for the book suggestion.  I immediately downloaded The Kitchen House to my Kindle, and for the last three nights, it has helped take my mind off other aggravations.

Sometimes things aren't so easy.  Life could be better.  Answers could come quicker
You lose your groove.

Yup, the headache continues.  And the doctor's office called to tell me my sinus xrays are normal.
You don't really want to hear my reaction to that, do you?
I am taking all advice.   I have an appointment with an ENT on the 14th, that was the earliest I could get in.
I am going to finish the medicine I have been prescribed. I am not at all sure why.
 Must be the nurse in me.
I have used the Neti pot all week, and it was pretty easy.  Tonight I used it, and the pain on both sides of my head was excruciating, so maybe we will be taking a break from that.

All in all, I am doing this ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Sydney says:
Sounds like a plan.

You're a pip, Syd.

The show must go on....

Or something.
We are working hard to have all the stock we want for the upcoming events, but I feel like I am not doing my fair share.  I am operating in the midst of a fog.
Every morning I wake up and lie very still, hoping that my headache is gone.
I wait for the day.  It's gonna be RED LETTER.
Just sayin'.
I am not going to whine about it, I'm even sick of hearing myself mention it.  How bad is that?

Anyway, here is a roll of rugs hot off the loom that L is weaving on.

And here is my 'stack in progress'............I know, I better get busy.

Sweet Bottoms!!!!
I love the ends of them all stacked up.

I left the studio early, again.  I am such a slacker.  I had a few errands to run, and wanted to visit my cousin in the hospital, and well, you know.......I felt like crap.

My cousin has been to the ER many times in the last few months, with no resolution.  He has felt awful, looked awful, and was even disoriented and confused.  This morning, in the ER again, his heart stopped beating, twice, and he started seizing.  As horrible as that all sounds, at least there was a doctor leaning over him at the very moment it happened.
When I saw him in the recovery room this afternoon, with a brand new pacemaker installed, he looked  like his old self, and when I said I came to kick his butt, he laughed, and said, that finally, he felt like himself.
Gratitude comes in all sizes.  When you least expect it.  Mostly it comes when you need it.

What headache?

Tell me please.

Making the Hip to Be Square loom kits is only part of  the process.  

The loopers have to be 'cleaned'  before they get put in the kits, two and a half pounds for the regular kit, and 5 lbs for the Rag Rug Kit.  Getting this done can be problematic.  L and I do NOT have any time available for this task, so we farm it out for other people to do.  When we can find them, that is.  In spite of the state of the economy, not a whole lot of people out there who NEED the money, are actually willing to work for it, in this instance, anyway.  We do have a few who faithfully continue to keep us supplied, and we are grateful.

 The cleaning is actually just separating the random threads that get stuck to the loops, and pulling them
off.
Then the loopers look all spiffy, like this, and ready to be part of the Hip to Be Square kit.

The 5 lb and 10 lb looper refills are cheaper, because they still have the threads in them.

On another note, after 2 and a half weeks of misery with this headache, I am back at the doctor this morning, practically begging for anything to make it go away.

So, the consensus was that the antibiotic that has been gnawing at my stomach for the last 8 days, is not the right one.  

Who knew?

So now I am on another antibiotic, plus Prednisone, and I had taken what I have to believe are just LOVELY pictures of my sinus cavitites.

I didn't spend a lot of time at the studio today, since I really wanted to just  go to sleep.

But while I was there, Miss Smokey aka Also, aka Lucy, was keeping us company.  She is very timid, but sweet.

What's up, Smokey girl???
She is a tiny little thing, but she is gaining weight since she went to the vet.  She has the loveliest shimmer of silver on the insides of her legs, her belly, and her nose.

I worked on chunky Solmate chair pads.......and decided that back when I asked you all to help me with a name for them,  Renew had the best one, so they are "Sweet Bottoms."

Cuz they ARE sweet.

Do you like them?

 We decided to go with a black warp, since it makes the colors pop.

 

I would like to have a stack of these before the show in 2+ weeks.
L thinks I should sell them separately, since some people might want just one or two, and not a whole set of four.  She may have a point.

It's good to have feedback, and a second opinion.   That is especially true lately, since I feel like my head has been stuffed and packed tightly with cotton balls.  My thinking may be a little fuzzy.

But this color moves me, and it doesn't take much thought.

I think they ROCK.
Do you agree???   Now I have to figure out a price per Sweet Bottoms........any ideas???
You know I love all your suggestions.
Oh, and Miss RENEW....send me your mailing address, so I can send you your very own!!!