It has rained all day, and is still raining. It is somehow very soothing to me.
DH made spagetti today, and we are both struggling with it. Not that we don't love it, and not that he doesn't make the best sauce around, but Eddie loved his spagetti so much, that we jokingly called him
'Spagetti Eddie'. He sucked the strands of spagetti up, like a little kid.
As I stumble around, trying to be productive in some fashion, I find that this loss, of a dear friend, makes life suddenly seem all the more precious.
Have you ever noticed how that works?
When death comes a knocking at the door, no matter who it comes for, it snaps you into some heightened awareness of what was all around you anyway??? Things you took for granted.
A warm, comfy place to sleep.
That hot cuppa tea, that thick bagel, the sound of the chimes out on the porch, the way that rain wraps around everything. Today I noticed it all, the sound of the loom, the color of the fabric, the feeling of safety and comfort, it wasn't just routine. Everything was amplified, exaggerated, intense.
One of the things I did today, was prepare fabric for a rug.
Sometimes, when I have a container of scrappy material, hodge podge, it is easier to roll the fabric up, two colors to each roll, cut thin. Otherwise, I would be jumping up every time the shuttle was empty, looking for the next color.
I allowed myself to do everything at a slower pace. No hurry. No pressure.
I can't take either right now.
I enjoyed weaving this runner, 28"x84", not for any reason, but just because I wanted to keep going, and use up all the fabric I had rolled up.
These are two that L wove, and left on the loom because (she says) I TOLD her to do something else.
Actually, that might just be quite true.
But aren't they nice?
Forest floor, in the Walking on Sunshine style.
You know I love to weave, right? Rag rug weaving fits me so well, I am sometimes not sure if I am in awe, or scared to death.
Weaving makes sense to me. It is orderly and predictable, when life is not. It is color and texture that makes my heart sing just about every time I sit down to throw the shuttle.
And right now, I am homing in to what I love with a neediness I don't usually have.
But that's ok.
Cause I'm being nicer to myself today.
I love the comment that this grief is the price for all the love Eddie gave......well, then.....I guess I'll just have to pay up then, won't I?