Crazy as a Loom

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Up up and away

It's been a long 6 months, since my mother's health went south.
And it wasn't her fault that it decided to take that trip a week after I got home from the second surgery to my head.
So to say it's been tough time for all would kind of be understating it somewhat.

On the other hand, I had these last six months to prepare myself for what was coming.   I was also a working RN for 30 years, so I've seen my fair share of death and dying.
I knew what to expect.  I got ready in a hundred different ways.
Last week, the finale LOOMED.

At one point, while my first daughter and I sat watching my mother's breaths, I had a revelation.  I told her that we should start cleaning and organizing my mother's belongings, instead of sitting here morbidly waiting for the end. My mother was in the room, but long past communicating.  She was as comfortable as we could make her.
So we sorted and separated, reminisced and remembered, and it seemed like we were sharing it all with her.  There were times we laughed at the bits of things she had stashed. And lots of times we cried when we came across mementos she had cherished.

 Every drawer we opened reminded us of another point in time, another part of my mother's long life.

We kept a few sets of clothes aside, as if a miracle were going to occur, and all the rest we packed up to donate to her favorite church thrift store. 
At one point, my daughter turned to me, and said " I wasn't sure that this was a good idea, but it has actually been very therapeutic."  A couple of times, family and friends came in, and we were aware that our behavior might be interpreted as a little bizarre.  But we weren't doing it for anyone else , we were doing it because we had to keep moving.  We were doing it because it was our way of processing, and grieving.


By Sunday morning, we were spent.  The place looked great, but we were tired, since we had barely a few hours sleep for three days and nights.  Sunday more family came, and we knew the end was near.
It came, with us holding her, and letting her go.

As we speak, my mother is having her most awesome out of body experience.  She is free at last of that old, worn out body that has plagued her for a long while.

I will always love her, and I will always miss her.
But I cheer for her, because I know she is now without fear, without pain, without hindrance.

Rock on, Momma.   Rock on.
 



60 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

oh, bless you hilary - all of you.

The Village Queen said...

What a great way to process, Im glad you had your daughter with you to share with. Hugs via the airwaves, be gentle with yourself as this unfolds. Take care, Kate

Hilary said...

I love the way that you and your family think. I'm sorry for the loss but I'm happy for her freedom from pain. Hugs to all of you.

LA said...

Peace be with you and yours.

Cait Throop said...

Yes...rock on! Still thinking of you, Hilary...

majorasue said...

I cannot put it any better than my friend did, so I will share her words with you (her dad passed this week): "Life is like a garden, there are people that plant seeds, people that water, sometimes there are even people that need weeded out. This last summer I had the joy of helping tend a life garden. There was some weeding, lots of watering and an amazing amount of beautiful fruit. As with any garden as fall comes on we must say goodbye for the season. Yesterday on the first day of autumn we said goodbye to my dear sweet Dad, thank you for letting me help tend your life garden. Rest well, you have earned it!"

Peace to you and yours.

Gayle said...

As you have been for a long, long time, you and your family are in my heart. What a wonderful way you processed it. It is good you all have each other. Peace and love to you.

Rain said...

Peace to you and your family Hilary..........
and yes do rock on mama......
Rain ........

Sweetpea said...

Much love to you & yours ... what a time it has been.
Take good care of yourselves.

Susan Harvey said...

I'm so sorry for you and the family that your Mum has gone. In time smiles replace the tears.

Going through my mother's belongings was a positive experience for myself and my siblings when my mum passed in 1995.

I miss her still but time makes it easier to bear.

Sending hugs to you and yours...
Susan and Bruce

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

You are a family of very strong women and I have tons of respect for you. The thing about people passing is that very often they are not sad, especially if they've had a long life. We are sad because we miss them, but hopefully we can find a way to be happy for them, for all the experiences and relationships they had while they were here.

DJan said...

What a perfect way to process the passing from one phase of existence to the next. I would be very honored if it happened that the same process you just shared would be my own passage. Blessings to you and yours, Hilary. And rock on, Mama! :-)

Wiebke T said...

I send you this german poem, i hope, you can read it:

--------------------------

Wunderbar verwebt, der uns erschuf,
In den bunten Teppich uns’res Lebens
Lichten Traum und dunkle Wirklichkeit,
Und wir wissen’s erst beim letzten Ruf:

Keinen dieser Fäden wob vergebens
Seine Hand in diese bunten Streifen,
Die gemach enträtselnd wir begreifen
erst im Lichte Seiner Ewigkeit.

Agnes Miegel

-------------
best wihes wiebke

joyceetta said...

Blessings to yor Mama, to you, to that new bundle of life who so recently came, and to your family.

Brenda said...

Your mother was very lucky to have you and your family to care for her through this.

Mary Ann said...

Sounds like a wonderful way to help her cross to a better place and make peace with yourselves as well. My sympathies.

rosek1870 said...

Hilary I am so sorry for your loss. Loosing your mom is an experience like no other. That being said I am glad (I know that sounds weird to some) that you and your daughter found a way to process it without leaving your mother's side. My younger daughter and I (along with a cousin who loved mom and is a hospice worker) stayed with mom for her final 10 days. It is an experience I would not want to relive but a journey I would not have missed for the world. Although I miss her everyday I know she is with me in a way she could not be before. Hugs and Prayers for you and yours.
Rose

Karen said...


Peace... it's the word that comes to mind as I read your words today... what a wonderful way for your mom to transition,and you as well.

PEACE and love be with you, Hilary and Family - XO

Mrs. Turkey said...

Hilary & family...condolences to you all. What a peaceful journey your mom is having.....amazing ! Thanks to you and your daughters.
Love be with you all.
Celia~Maine

kelley said...

How beautifully you and your family are handling this Hilary...living with my mother as she deals with dementia, a broken hip and all...has taught me so much...as has reading your blog and following your journey...I am sorry for your loss...and happy for her freedom from the chains of earth

Hartwood Roses said...

Fly free, Hilary's Mama. Your body failed you, but your family never did.

Sending hugs for you and your whole family.

messymimi said...

Please accept my condolences for your loss. Our first home is in the hearts of my parents.

Deb said...

I'm thinking of you and your family, Hilary and sending you all a hug. Enjoy the wonderful memories. Deb

Tyche's Minder said...

Condolences to you and yours.

DebbieB said...

Sending you love.

Thistle Rose Weaving said...

Dear Hilary I send you peace and joy.

amyfibre said...

Beautifully written. Beautifully felt. Sending you love and peace.

Candy Duell said...

I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. HUGS!
Candy

WPgirl said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs from Michigan.
Lynda in Michigan.

Anna M. Branner said...

You are an amazing, intuitive and loving daughter and mother. I pray I can be as strong and as grounded as you when then time comes. Sending you and yours lots of hugs. And you are right. ROCK ON!

Devon said...

I am so sorry for your loss... but what a great example of how to process through the pain. You continue to be such an inspiration!

Sending love and prayers your way.

Carol from MN said...

ahhhh hilary..... my heart goes out to you and yours for your loss.... bless your Mom as she makes this new journey....

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

It was a great way to process and with your daughter to share. I am sure you Mom was sharing right along with you too.
She is at peace now. No more pain or sorrow.
Blessings to you and your family.
Louise

Restless Knitter said...

I'm sorry for your loss Hilary.

thotlady said...

It sounds like you have good memories to hold onto. That is a good thing.

Rock on indeed!

Veronica Roth said...

Hi Hilary, I just found your site thru my friend the Blue Ridge Gal. I'm so sorry for your loss and want to wish you healing and peace. You've written an extremely beautiful and sympathetic post and I felt very emotional reading it. All the best to you and your family.

Donna said...

May you continue to find joy in the memories and peace knowing that your mom is free and finally at home.

Rita said...

Absolutely perfect! Bless her. :)

Vicky said...

I am praying for the peace that passes all understanding to surround you and yours as you continue on this journey of missing your beloved mom. My heartfelt condolences to you and yours. She is free of everything at last! Love and prayers!

Joanna said...

Gone into the Light.... Bless you, Hilary, and all the family

Diane said...

Saying goodbye is not easy even when you know it is time. Take care of yourself. You and your family will be in my thoughts. xxoo

claudia said...

Aww, Hilary.
You have got to be the best daughter ever. You cared for your Mom so well, and made her comfortable, and then let her go so peacefully. She will rest and I do believe she will Rock On!
You and your family are in my heart and prayers. You are blessed with a new life in your family and that has got to be the best thing!

MarthaVA said...

I'm sorry for your loss, but so glad your mom is at peace, and you helped her get there.
(((Hugs)))
Martha

aga said...

Condolences to you and your family.

Linda said...

Sympathy to you and your family...my folks passed far too young. I often have an image of them square dancing in Heaven. It's comforting to think that loved ones are doing what they loved best.

Avalanche Looms / Susan Johnson said...

That was beautiful. If only everyone could have such a tender and dignified death

Peg Cherre said...

Thanks for sharing - with your daughter and with us. My heart goes out to you...losing my mother was such a major life event, making me feel like an orphan. Enjoy the sweetness of your hubby, daughters and grands, and friends. Let yourself just BE for a while. Is that possible for you?

Daryl said...

that was/is the most caring tribute i have ever read .. and i think that you did, the cleaning/sorting was wonderful .. there's something really hard about doing after a loved one has passed ...

grace lovelace said...

you are wonderfully brave !
grace

JC said...

I am so sorry.
May your memories of her keep you going.

xo,
JC

Lydia La La said...

Another page in life turned! Please accept my sympathy and I hope your Mum has a great send off. Keep strong. xx

Teresa said...

What a joyous way to send your mother home. Busy hands remembering the old and creating new memories would have been pleasing to her. Keep remembering the good times.

Shiralyn said...

When there is a peaceful passing it is so much easier. But we never really get over loosing our moms. We just have to go on.. My prayers are with you dear friend. Your mother is so much more comfortable. But it is who left that suffer most.

Shiralyn said...

Just going through the comments, you are so loved. What a blessing. Niro get thrust your surgery and get stronger.

Firefly Farm said...

There is no prior life experience to prepare a woman for losing her mother. But our friends who have walked this path before become a resource of strength and wisdom, and our mothers never really leave us anyway. Thinking of you during this unique journey.

Janet said...

I've been popping in from time to time, and am amazed by your strength through your life's journey. I am very sorry for the loss of your Mom. You had a closeness many people never experience in any relationship.
My Mom died in 1997 and Dad in 2009, and I still feel they are with me at times though I am not at all religious. You have done everything you could for her, and I hope it gives you comfort.
You have a lovely family- all critters included. I hope you find permanent peace from your Chiari headbanger headaches soon.

sandy said...

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

sandy said...

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Cupcake Murphy said...

What an amazing post. Rock on, indeed.

barazile, livpåIrland said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, wishing you peace and strength at this time,
liz

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