Sometimes you sense a subtle change in the course of events. You almost can't put your finger on it.
But there it is anyway.
You want to go back, to a time before, but that's not allowed.
You're in the here, and now, and this is what you've got.
Better buck up, and get ready.
My mother isn't home from the hospital for a whole day, and she's short of breath already.
Shower, shampoo, get her this, get her that, fix her meds for the week. Look at the appointments.
I think I sat blankly staring at the TV until I had to go to bed. I say that because now I have no recollection of what was on. I didn't knit, wasn't reading. My brain was toast.
That's ok sometimes, right?
I don't even like TV.
I am looking ahead at the summer, the fall, and trying to put myself in the mindset that will serve me best.
Care of an aging parent.
I know there are books out there about it, but can anyone really tell you how it's going to be? Isn't it like any other place you haven't been? You have to do it yourself?
When I went to the studio this morning, I tried to soak up some of the serenity that abides there.
I want to take it with me.
So far so good on keeping critters out of my little garden.
I'm hopeful.
I put it in late, but it can still produce.
If it doesn't do much, that's ok, I will work on it for next year. I am going with the flow, in all things. It seems like the thing to do.
Sometimes when I am stressed, I bake.
So yesterday I made my blueberry pumpkin pound cake, and a new recipe, Strawberry Tirimisu.
I found it HERE. Creampuffsinvenice
Now if only it tastes as good as it looks.
I'll keep you posted.
14 comments:
sorry about your mom and the drain it puts on you.
Hilary...three words: Home Health Aid.
You are still recovering yourself. I'm betting that if you look, you'll be able to find the perfect person to come in and help out with your Mom a few hours a day.
One of the hard things about parents who have reached an advanced age, is that their kids aren't so young anymore either.
Sending you hugs....
I know what you mean about an aging mother.....my mother has always been a difficult (that's me being nice saying difficult) person but now it's draining just to be around her and she's needing more watching over now. I'm thankful she lives in a retirement community rather than in my home but I'm running over her place more often these days. I wish I could vent on my blog about it but she reads it...... :-) You have such a great attitude about life, you're an inspiration to me.
I know there are days when we struggle, taking care of elderly parents is draining even on good days.
I admire your stamina, giving care and attentiveness despite your own health problem.
Kudos to you my dear bloggy friend.
~Jo
I remember those days-Mom & Dad both-I knew It wouldn't be forever but some days I wanted to scream and pound the wall...but I didn't...I took a deep breath-vented to my sister-told her my frustrations with 'her' parents...today is Dad's Birthday...I miss them both every day - living in a home he built surrounded by memories and hoping I did the best I could for them both...not always feeling like I did, was it enough, did I do all I could/should...for them or for me?
What Valerie said! Everyone always compares it to taking care of kids, but I had a small taste of what my future holds (mom came up lame at the beginning of the week, and I was taking full care of her for 2 1/2 weeks. Thank goodness she's better now). I'd have my kids be little again in a heart beat! It was a bit easier when I started treating her kind of like a 4 year old (not "what do you want to eat?" but "do you want a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich?", that kind of thing). It isn't easy, and you have my deepest sympathy.
I feel ya! I am here at my Dad's place caring for him, and daily things go ever so slightly more down hill. He DRINKS! He's ninety! I couldn't tell him to do different even if he would listen, at ninety, it's a little late to be changing that habit.
I feel like screaming daily when I come home and he refuses to wear his hearing aid and turns the three TV's in the house all the way up, then rolls his eyes at me when he can't hear me.
Somewhere in here is a humorous something. I just need to search for that, because I feel it is my only hope!
I have to say I must have been lucky taking care of my dad for 9 months...I practically moved in with him and my mom. He was a joy to take care of and appreciated every little thing. My mantra was "It is a honor and a privilege"....
I understand how difficult it can be and your when the parent becomes the child. Valerie has fine advice.
I love tiramisu.. drool!
Hugs to you, my sweet friend.
i am drooling
oh, that recipe looks soooo good. Let us know if it's a keeper.
Wish I had words of wisdom regarding the aging parent issue. My father still lives independantly, but depends on us for most things house related. I think it's just as you said.. you live it, step by step, steady as you go, changing up what needs changing and bending with the wind.
Glad to read that you aren't overdoing it, Hilary. Peace and tranquillity is a must if we are going to survive the storm. I wonder what it is about mothers??? I can not see myself being precious or demanding. I'd just be the quiet lump of lard in the corner. Maybe leave some brochures around for aged care home etc. xo Take care.
THe strangest thing----I miss all the hullabaloo around caring for my dad. It was like a full time job and it was so worthy. Thinking of you and your journey now.
My mother moved in with us after my dad went to a nursing home. She stayed for 8 years. I had part time help while I was at work, but most weekends and holidays were all mine. She was wheelchair bound so toileting, washing were always adventures. Pushed my creativity, no doubt. She was very grateful and while I was not always cheerful, I was able to keep her home until her end as she wished.
Hang in there. It's not easy, but it's not forever. Find help, rely on family. My sister was not there for us, but so it goes. And if you can't do it, that is OK!
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