To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. ~Henri Bergson
You all know the year and a half that I have been through, because I have shared it with you, along the way. Brain decompression, neck fusion 8/28/12 and revision 3/26/13 ......the whole naked, ugly saga.
This is me, just 10 weeks ago, on my way home after Surgery #2.
It still amazes me what abuse a body can put up with.
It is better now, much better. I am here. I am alive. I am, for the most part, well.
But it is different. I am different.
Brain reboot. Call it what you want.
Somewhere along the way, I met myself face to face. And I knew that change was coming.
I still love to weave, I still want it to be an integral part of my life. I want to dream it, create it, love it.
What I don't want is to work endless days and do production weaving.
When I started out weaving, I bantered that phrase "production weaving" around in my head. Asked myself if I wanted to do that. And then, without exactly knowing how it came about, I found myself doing just that. Many rugs a day, stacks of rugs in the shop.
But even that wasn't the end of it. Because I had access to thousands of pounds of sock waste, I felt that it was my "responsibility" to recycle all of it, in as many ways as I could.
So my brain shifted into overgear, a place where it's quite comfortable, thank you, and came up with more and more and more work.
Soon I had put together the Hip to Be Square looper loom, the Hip to Be Square Rag Rug kit, the Walking on Sunshine braided rug kit, the Chunky rug, the Walking on Sunshine rug, the Sweet Bottom chair pads............are you tired yet??
And then the Prime Mate sock monkey, and the 3 sizes of Socketbooks. Whew.
All this in EXCESS of my regular weaving of rag rugs, blue jean rugs, placemats, tote bags, mug rugs................custom orders, weaving weekends.
Do you get the picture???
To be honest, the only reason I have been able to keep it going this last two years is because I have in "L", a friend and apprentice that loves Crazy as a Loom. She has worked hard, and picked up the huge slack that occurred when I was suddenly NOT myself.
Wake up call: you can become "someone other than yourself" at any moment. It happens.
The thing is, I will never be that person I was before. It is a hard truth to swallow, but I can't change it. I can only learn to adapt to this new reality.
I will never want to weave many rugs a day. And I don't want to spend my time at the studio doing NON WEAVING chores.
That doesn't work for me.
Like I said. Change is coming.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France
bless you as you take whatever steps are needed to get to the next part of your life.
How wonderful a quote is that? It's a good reminder for me, too. Gotta let something go to start in a new direction. I'm cheering you on, Hilary! :-)
Blessings come in many forms. You have found your rhythm. Blessings to you...
Embrace the new you, you've earned it !
Pace yourself in the studio, continue to love and enjoy the creativity that is uniquely you..
May you be blessed with continued good health.
I'm looking forward to seeing where this discovery takes you. It's a little scary making changes but that's what life is, isn't it; one change after another. Sending a hug
I can feel a change in the air. I can feel it coming.
I have been following you through all your ups and downs since your accident and girl you are one tuff nut to crack and as strong as heck , I am proud to know you through your awesome blog ! Just keep on keeping on with what ever makes you happy ! Have a good week !
Change can be a whole new wonderful ride. You have so many talents Hilary... Blessings to you.
The quotes at the beginning and the end of your post are both wonderful. You inspire us as you make the journey to the new you.
The quotes you found are...so appropriate for life; your life and what you've gone through. Major "occurrences" in our lives do change us. I know that to be true and I'm always looking forward to reading about yours, XOXO
Hilary...a book you might be interested in is Control Theory..a new expanation of how we control our lives by William Glasser. I just finished it...explained a lot of what you are talking about. How we have a photo album in our brains and sometimes we have to change the pictures. There was even a part in it that reminded me of you and your mom's relationship...kind of Echart Tollie but was written in 1984....I really enjoyed it and learned alot. So glad you are thinking about this kind of change...I am doing the same.
p.s...I just finished The Orchardist..what a lovely book. Ready to start And the mountains echoed....thanks for the recommendations!
Go where the wind blows you. I'll be following.
the new you is pretty terrific
This is the second time today i've seen the Henri Bergson quote.
Whatever you choose to do, you will do well, that's part of who you are that i think won't change.
I didn't have major brain surgery. Or any major life change...I just got tired... I quilted for 35 years, taught quilting for 25+ years. The kids left for college and I got a 'sewing' room. I was sewing quilts for sale (not profit, mind you), and working a ton of hours besides my 'real' 40 hour a week job. One day, I went upstairs, and decided I didn't want to do that anymore. I stopped quilting (unless I wanted to make something), I did finish what I had promised, and now I am only doing what I want to do. Mostly, I'm knitting. I have more time for ME and husband, the kids when they do visit from time to time, and I'm HAPPY!
Well, I should have added...Happier...I'm still working that full time job!
When one door closes, another door opens... I see many open doors for you, Hilary.. now you get to choose which one you want to walk through.
Change is good.. without it we stagnate. I'm glad you're listening to your body.. and that your brain has caught up with it..in a way. :)
I know you have had some big changes, but, we all change as we get older!! There are things I just don't want to do to the extent that I used to do them & I haven't even had brain surgery. Gotta go with the flow!! :)
I once read, "My resume is a list of things I no longer want to do."
Do what you want and don't look back. Best of luck!
Bless you Hilary, and I don't say that often. You have had more than your share.
I hope your next phase is fun!
Post a Comment