mentors and gratitude.

S

Still drawing/doodling, I  call it a relaxation technique......just now I'm using my ipad, and my Apple pencil, which I highly

recommend.  Such fun.

I

Even though I am not at my best of late, I seem to have found a way to be productive anyway,

and honestly, it helps me to get through this "big wait", without feeling like I'm wishing my

life away.

This one was woven by Lois, using a totally spontaneous kind of weaving, which she usually resists, but she's rocking it.

My oldest daughter, who hates me calling her the oldest.....but what should I call her??? 

my FIRST?   the first baby to arrive in my life???  

Anyway, she is also a nurse, with a couple more degrees than I pursued, and she is also

employed by the NYS Dept. of Corrections, like I was.

She has done very well, working very hard, getting one promotion after the other.

Several years ago, when it became obvious that she had far surpassed  my accomplishments in

the Dept, someone asked me if that didn't upset me, that she had done so much better than I had.

I was appalled at that, and couldn't even believe anyone would ask such a thing.

My answer was a resounding NO, I am so, so proud of her, and as most mothers would be,

I am thrilled that she has done so well.

Jealous???  omg, how ridiculous........don't we always want our children to better us?  

to be better? to be smarter?  to be more successful?  Happier even???

I sure do.

I feel like I've done my job, raising an accomplished young woman.

Over the years I have taught many, many people how to weave.  I wish, now, that I had kept track of them, but alas, I did not.

Several of them have become friends, but I have to say that ONE of them, has not

only become a dear, dear friend, but she has worked extremely hard, become 

an accomplished weaver that I am very, very proud of.

She probably knows more about it than I do, and lately, she has taught me a couple of improved ways of doing things.

Teach an old dog new tricks????????  

well, yes, apparently that's a thing.  LOL

In the exact same way I am happy for my daughter, I am happy for my friend.  I am honored

to have been the one to have introduced her to the world of weaving.  The more proficient 

she becomes, the happier I am.  I want her to be better, and to carry on long after I'm gone.

I feel like I've done my job, bringing a zealous weaver into the world.

She asked me the other day if maybe she was a little too obsessed with weaving.

Of course I answered, "nah......not too obsessed at all".

It still makes me incredibly happy, and I love all of it, even the tedious parts

of it.

Even as I'm weaving one warp, I am thinking of the next one, planning the next 

project, and the next.

What could be better.

and the winner is...........

Cold wintry days call for some comfort food, and french onion soup fills the bill.

I usually make enough soup for the week, because Lois and I don't mind eating it every day.

This old cupboard is just inside my back door, and the drawers have been FULL of JUNK for as long as it's been there.

Until now.

I took each one, dumped it into a box, and sat at the kitchen counter and went through every single piece of it.  I now have two well organized drawers, and three EMPTY drawers, that I plan to put the grandkids coloring/craft supplies in.

I also went through all the "manuals" stashed away in another drawer, some of them for things we don't even have anymore.

I took two finished pieces off the Louet, here's the first.  Rayon and rayon chenille

with funky inlays.

I think it's a little long in the front, so I need to rethink that.

The fringe didn't work out, chenille fringe is such a PITA.   So I'm trying to decide what 

I might put on the bottom front pieces instead.

I do like the style, with the point in the back.

There are actually some beads inlaid into it.

I have had a hot tub for 20 years or there abouts, and still love it.  But the other night, when I went to get in it, I realized that the display panel was DARK......luckily, my Spa guy, that sold it to me, did NOT go south for the winter.  He just left, and will order the part it needs.

I found a handyman/snow shoveler on FB marketplace, nice kid, who just cleared all the pathways that I need around here......to the garbage bin shed, to the propane tank, the side of the house where the oil tank in the cellar gets filled, the bird feeders, the dog yard.

Grateful.......hot tub will be in top condtion soon, and I can get around to the places I need to go.

I usually shovel these myself, but the medications I am on until my ablation make me

very short of breath on any exertion.

So that's not going to happen.

Thank you for all your kind comments.........using the random number generator, the winner of the towel is RITA from Fargo!!!!  So Rita, email me your mailing info.....crazyasaloom@aol  

Here is a photo of my towel cupboard........let me know if you have any preference.......I can always send you photos.

Is it that time again

Once again, I have this urge to "clean house", and I don't particularly mean vacuum, dust, etc.

No, I mean "get rid of stuff you don't need".  

I don't think I can do the same minimalist challenge that I did last year at this time, when I got rid of over 600 items, NONE of which I have missed for one minute, but I still think, no, I KNOW, that I have JUNK.

Thank god for friends with great ideas, because honestly, I would never that thought this would make me so happy, but it did.

These shelves have been on this wall for years......and up until a few days ago, they were FULL.  They had so many cones stacked up, that a couple of the boards had begun to warp.

My good friend Sue came over to help me go through my pretty significant stash

of yarn.   We went through it cone by cone, and if it broke easily, was ugly, or had just been around for YEARS, then it was bagged up and put on the inside porch.  When we were done, we had 18 garbage bags full.   Facebook marketplace to the rescue........free yarn, you have to take it all, and you have to pick it up.  It was gone the next day.

Now I have to paint the wall.

But it's incredible how much this simple act made the room brighter, and more open.

I love it.

And because I got rid of all the yarn that I would NEVER use, I suddenly had 

more room for the yarn that I actually will use.

Keeping in the spirit of things, I have gone through drawers, cupboards, nooks and crannies and I've sold a ton of stuff that I don't need.....again, FB marketplace.

I feel lighter already.

On the Louet, in an effort to USE the yarn that I kept, I dug into my chenille stash, and I'm weaving some "mauve" fabric for clothing.

I am once again reminded that plain weave has its appeal.  It's soothing, and calming, and I am loving it.  It brings me right back to that newbie weaver that I once was, enamored of the simple beauty of plain weave,  and reminds me of that feeling that I had, that I had found what I wanted to with my life.

Alas, I will never be an artist, and if I was, I'm afraid it might be a cartoon artist.

But nevertheless, I am making each day my own, and that's all that really matters anyway.

Ya think?????

Oh, and it IS that time again, for a giveaway.............just comment, about anything,  and I will enter your name, to be drawn on Friday  Feb 4th....about 8p, for a handwoven towel......your choice.

It's February!!!!!!!

The wait

Waiting, and trying not to wait.   

On one hand, I know that my upcoming ablation is probably going to make me feel like a normal person once again, thus the "wait", on the other hand, I hate making my life be about "the wait".  If that makes any sense.     The med regimen that the cardiologist has me on seems to be keeping the A Fib in check, but the side effects are a crappy trade off.  

I'm exhausted.

I get short of breath doing the simplest of things.

I'm mostly distracted.

Trying not to be a slug.

I get a few things done each day, trust me, not much.   I pace myself, simply because I have no choice.

Somehow this crazy drawing spree I'm on is calming to me.

My house.

The Baptist church, same vintage as my house, a few doors down the road.

The house I raised my kids in when they were really young, and yes, we had horses.

My little country house in Putnam Station, where I thought I would live forever.  How life 

surprises you sometimes, eh?

This is the back of my house now, the barn used to be there on the left,  right up

close to the house.

So far I have a folder of drawings......except for the ones of houses I have lived in, or the houses my kids live in,  they are made up.  And some of them are strangely alike,

almost as if I am trying to get this little village right.

After every one, I keep saying, "ok, that's it.  I've done enough."   

And I really think that I'm done.

Then the next night, I cannot seem to stop myself, and I'm at it again.

I'm kind of weirdly obsessed. 

I suppose there are worse things.  

I have even tried drawing other things......but nope, little houses

are what I really want to put on paper.

I have been trying very hard to keep a good attitude.  I suppose it's a carry 

over of the last two years, trying to find some normal, when everything seems quite

the opposite.   I struggled through the knee replacement, because I knew it

was the right thing to do.  I had hoped that there was light at the end of that 

tunnel, but then atrial fib took over my life.

I am trying to let go of some "pie in the sky" idea that everything has to 

be just right for me to be happy.

As you get older, life is going to bring unexpected problems, so if every duck 

has to be in a row, for me to be happy, then I might be very miserable.

So finding happiness, and peace, and contentment, when things aren't so "ducky", well

that's the rub, isn't it????

So if drawing little houses, with imperfect windows, and  complicated grassy areas, makes

me happy, then perhaps that's just what I should do.

After all is said and done, today is the day I have, and I damn well better appreciate it.

Checking in.

This is a photo from 3 years ago, when the Baldwin Corners trail that ran along the old canal was in its original state.  Fast forward after months and months of big machinery and construction work, and you could drive a truck down that path today. The trees that line it are long gone, and while it is part of the NY State Empire Trail, that spans 750 miles from NYC to Canada, and then across the state to Buffalo, it does not have the charm of the old pathway, and I miss it.

We have been experiencing some brutally cold weather, so I put this old heater on FB marketplace for free.  

I was inundated with messages, and the first person to inquire about it came and picked it up about lunch time.

He said, "we sure can use this",  and truth it was just in my way.

Far better repurposed and keeping someone warm, than sitting in my attic.

I felt that January needed some RED.....so these are the towels that are coming off 

the AVL.

They are bright and should warm up any kitchen.  I might have to keep a couple.

Finally after 6 months, my knee does not hurt every minute, and for that I am grateful.  It's been a long haul.  It could bend more, to be honest.  But I can do pretty much everything that I need to do, and I'm finally sleeping without constant pain.

But keeping it real, now I am dealing with something else.  I have actually had this issue since last January.  I guess I was hoping it would go away on its own.

I have paroxysmal  atrial fib.  I've been to a cardiologist and had testing done, and apparently  this is a common ailment among my age group.   

Terrific.

It comes and it goes, I might not have it for a month, and then I will have it every day for a week.  It's distressing, and annoying and I want it gone.

What I really want is to get off  the medication that I'm on that is supposed to  suppress it, 

because  I am not at all sure it does anything, other than making me tired all the time.

I'm scheduled for an ablation, which will hopefully put an end to it, but it's not until April.

So I just have to get from here to there.  

I'm trying to keep a good attitude, and I'm planning all kinds of ways to keep myself busy, and preoccupied.  One thing about winter, it's a great time to weave and sew.

I've come to the conclusion that getting older is quite often learning how to jump over one obstacle after another.  

"One day at a time" comes to mind, making the absolute best of every day.

And gratitude, always.

Years ago, in a very difficult time of my life, I had a small notebook that I wrote in daily, for a year.  Every day I wrote down 5 things I was grateful for.  It was a great exercise, it really helped. I never want to forget how blessed I am.

My family, my incredible friends, my dogs, my safe, warm home, my health with all its glitches, my life.

Be grateful first, bitch later, that's my motto.

Sesame garlic tofu with udon noodles, and broccoli.

Yum.

My new obsession

I have no idea what my new obsession means, or where it came from.

I honestly don't.

I am not sharing it here, looking for any praise.   I truly think that 

I am having a mental break of some sort, revisiting my childhood.

Or in some way, revisiting something I shouldn't even be remembering.

Lately, every evening, I drag out my box of pens (you knew I had a pen problem, right?), and I

find myself drawing these scenes from my head.

Every time I start one, I have no idea where I'm going with it.......it begins with a line or two, and then they just evolve.  Somehow, as I'm drawing them, I feel some spark of recognition, though I can't explain that at all.

My eight year old granddaughter loves them, and I take THAT as the highest compliment, since when I am drawing them, I kind of feel like an 8 year old.

How marvelous would it be to be that age again????  

Can you even imagine??????

A lot of the time, I am not thinking at all, they are totally contemplative.

I have to admit, I sort of love doing it.  

Is it just doodling?  Or something else?

I have questioned why I don't put people in them.  I don't know the answer to that.  Maybe I am just not ready to do that, or maybe people aren't the point.

I do believe that our psychological self knows things that we aren't consciously aware of, and I think that the universe is more mysterious than we allow.

When I was younger, much younger, I used to dream about this house.  I was in the front yard, looking down the road, waiting for someone who never came.  The house was as clear as a picture.

I always wondered about that house.

In my adulthood, I have dreamt many times about another house, but I am in the upstairs, and

there are so many bedrooms........and at the end of the house, there are a second set of stairs, that lead to a separate apartment if you will.

I have never seen the house, in this life, but it is very real to me, still.

This one is Dale's favorite, she didn't say why.

She wanted them all.  

This is the first one I drew, the one that got me hooked.

They all make me feel very peaceful, but I guess I better move on, before I start a collection.

Christmas is over.  It took me 5 minutes to take my tree out of its plastic bag, and plug it in.   It will take me 5 minutes to put it away again on New Year's Day.  That's how I roll.

At the end of the day though, this is the real joy in my life, as it should be.

They came and spent the day with me today, and I have no idea why I am not asleep yet.

Til next time.