Crazy as a Loom

Sunday, January 23, 2022

The wait

Waiting, and trying not to wait.   

On one hand, I know that my upcoming ablation is probably going to make me feel like a normal person once again, thus the "wait", on the other hand, I hate making my life be about "the wait".  If that makes any sense.     The med regimen that the cardiologist has me on seems to be keeping the A Fib in check, but the side effects are a crappy trade off.  
I'm exhausted.
I get short of breath doing the simplest of things.
I'm mostly distracted.
Trying not to be a slug.

I get a few things done each day, trust me, not much.   I pace myself, simply because I have no choice.

Somehow this crazy drawing spree I'm on is calming to me.

My house.

The Baptist church, same vintage as my house, a few doors down the road.

The house I raised my kids in when they were really young, and yes, we had horses.

My little country house in Putnam Station, where I thought I would live forever.  How life 
surprises you sometimes, eh?

This is the back of my house now, the barn used to be there on the left,  right up
close to the house.

So far I have a folder of drawings......except for the ones of houses I have lived in, or the houses my kids live in,  they are made up.  And some of them are strangely alike,
almost as if I am trying to get this little village right.

After every one, I keep saying, "ok, that's it.  I've done enough."   
And I really think that I'm done.
Then the next night, I cannot seem to stop myself, and I'm at it again.

I'm kind of weirdly obsessed. 

I suppose there are worse things.  
I have even tried drawing other things......but nope, little houses
are what I really want to put on paper.

I have been trying very hard to keep a good attitude.  I suppose it's a carry 
over of the last two years, trying to find some normal, when everything seems quite
the opposite.   I struggled through the knee replacement, because I knew it
was the right thing to do.  I had hoped that there was light at the end of that 
tunnel, but then atrial fib took over my life.
I am trying to let go of some "pie in the sky" idea that everything has to 
be just right for me to be happy.

As you get older, life is going to bring unexpected problems, so if every duck 
has to be in a row, for me to be happy, then I might be very miserable.
So finding happiness, and peace, and contentment, when things aren't so "ducky", well
that's the rub, isn't it????

So if drawing little houses, with imperfect windows, and  complicated grassy areas, makes
me happy, then perhaps that's just what I should do.

After all is said and done, today is the day I have, and I damn well better appreciate it.


Joanne Noragon said...

Hilary, I believe you are appreciating every day to its fullest. I could march right up your back steps and into that house.

Rita said...

Drawing, doodling, and zentangling are relaxing and soothing in a way that is hard to describe. Yes--we need to grab happiness or contentment wherever we can find it each and every day. It IS the only day you have. :) I love your houses!!

SeattleSuetoo said...

Your houses are wonderful. They give you (and me) comfort and are very creative. Just like you! Keep on making your houses until you are directed to make something else. You will know when you are supposed to stop making houses. Don't stop until you are ready. After all, you are the master of this little universe you have created. Enjoy it!!

Kathy Boyd said...

Hilary, your drawings are amazing and the drawing of your house is exactly as I remember it when I was there and visited with Lois as you were in having surgery! Keep up with your wonderful positive attitude!

Peg Cherre said...

Your drawings seem like little embroidery/sampler-type pieces to me. Not that you need to turn them into fabric; that's just how they struck me. A lovely semi-realistic, semi-impressionistic style. I agree with the commenter who said you'll know when you are done with them, and should just keep drawing in the meantime. Your creativity is what keeps you going, helps with maintaining a positive attitude despite everything life throws at you.

518frenchgirl said...

Hi Hilary, I adore your drawings of little houses, I remember meeting you at your little country house in Putnam Sta. and how cozy you always make everything. I do believe you are headed for Gramma Moses stardom. So keep looking up, I want to hook such a house, maybe have you draw mine!! Really fabulous, stay positive my friend, you are doing great!! 👍🌄❤️

Karen said...

I love your little houses, the villages.. the therapy of it all is what makes art so .... therapeutic! and not just for you, the creator - but everyone who looks it over!

I'm working on a very little painting of a red house up the road at Parmelee Farm. I think we are feeling the need to create these cozy, safe, charming spaces.

MarthaVA said...

Love the drawings!
Waiting sucks
I hope the procedure helps!

Anonymous said...

I love your drawings!

Good luck with your procedure.

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