Crazy as a Loom

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The sunset.

I used to look at my life as going on and on, like I would have plenty of time to do whatever I wanted to do.
Not so much anymore.  
Is it my age, or the back lash of the surgeon's knife, that makes me feel so different now??
Does everyone imagine an end date, hovering in the future??
True, everything in your fridge doesn't have an end date.  But you know, don't you, that those blueberries are past their prime.
Sometimes, our lives are cut short by things we didn't see coming, and had no control over.
But then other times, our expiration date is just more real, made so by the effects of one thing or another, in my case I believe it was a whole lot of head trauma.
On the other hand, I am relieved and incredibly grateful to be of fairly sound mind, and neurologically intact, after all of it.
But I do look at  my life differently.  I don't want to just let it happen, I want to make it happen.
I know how quickly it can pass me by, how suddenly choices won't be mine to make.

Everything is brighter, clearer, more intense.

Maybe my place in the scheme of things is more palpable being around someone so brand new to the world.

She just makes my heart sing, this one.

Last night, we went down to the shore to watch the sunset.

I am so grateful to have this time to spend with my kids.  What a gift.

Every time I see the birds soaring over the water, I think of my mother.
I know she was there with us.

The rosy glow of the descending sun was everywhere.

When it comes down to it, there is only one thing that isn't money, or prestige, or possessions, having the nicest house, or the newest car.  It isn't education, or position, or status in life.


It's whether or not your heart sings. 
With people you love.
Doing what you love.
Giving of yourself.
Whatever it takes to make that feeling, that feeling like nothing else in this world.

You can chase it, hunt it down, search for it.

But you know where it is.  Really, you do.

For me, it was simply watching the face of this sweet little girl, watching her first sunset over the ocean.  So serious, so intent.  She has the rest of her life ahead of her.

But then, don't we all?


Teri said...

Exactly! It takes something to happen to us - before we "get it"!

ain't for city gals said...

I truly think this is your best post ever! At this age most of us has seen both sides of the spectrum...the passing of parents and the wonder of new born babies and we are somewhere in between...which is not a bad place to be. So glad you are taking time to enjoy it all!

TexWisGirl said...

what a beautiful post.

Lee said...


Daryl said...

life is a crap shoot... i say make the most of everyday so that there are no regrets

Vicky said...

I can so relate to what you are saying! Immediately after brain radiation I saw things in a whole new way too- I so get it!! We're hyper aware in a way that makes it all seem so new- just like that precious new girl sees it too. Loved your beautiful photos and the sunset was so impressive- sigh- thanks for letting me share in your slice of paradise :)

Country Girl said...

This is beautiful, Hilary.

JC said...

I have always loved being at the Ocean. I don't get there often but when I do, I feel like I've come home.

Enjoy each moment. It's what I do.

I can often times be found dancing in my woods. I'm an old silly over here. Me and my dogs. lol

MarthaVA said...

I want to draw a BIG heart right here....but don't know how, so just imagine it.


Sharon said...

I know exactly of what you speak and I'm so glad you're getting some relief with the warmer weather. Ian and I are planning a trip in October, one year after my accident, to celebrate that I'm not neurologically compromised and I'm still here. In the words of Monty Python "I'm not dead yet."

mudmaven said...

OMG - says it all! Thank you. ~chris

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