September is

Yup, my website is still down.  Every time I call I just get the same answer:   they're working on it.

Again, I'm asking myself why I do this to myself?  Is a web site really so important to me???  Does it make me a lot of money?  Do I like keeping it current??  Is it a serious source of customers?

The answers are no, no, and no.

There's more thinking I need to do on this.

Am I the only one who feels like they are in the twilight zone??   

I usually have a focus, I am usually on a schedule, of my own making, for sure, but a schedule nonetheless.   I am usually doing shows all summer, and so I'm selling things, then trying to replace them for the next show.  So I'm busy, in a good way.

Now, there are no shows, so I don't feel that I have to really make anything by any certain date.  So I feel somewhat untethered....at the mercy of whims.  I'm not used to it.  I don't really like it.

So I've moved furniture.  Cleaned cupboards.

I decided that I didn't need or want my stash of acid wash dyes, that are used to dye wool and silk.

They use heat....so you have to steam them in the oven or on the stove.

I hate the whole process....and since I don't dye wool, and I can dye silk the "cold" MX reactive dye 

way......I felt ok with getting rid of them.

 

So....57 lbs of dye left here today on their way to a wool dyer in Michigan.  I hope she loves 

them more than I did. 

Finished up the cauliflower fried rice, with some sesame garlic tofu and broccoli....yeah....it looks so healthy...but the truth of it is, I've been bad lately.......eating seems to be one of the most comforting things around.   I love to cook, and I love to bake, and being home all the time, with no particular goals in mind, it's more alluring than ever.

Then, of course, you have to EAT some of what you've made.

Oh, darn.

Why don't I care???

Well, truth is, I don't much care right now.  Maybe it will pass, but right now, I want to eat what I want, at least some of the time.

There's Covid.  There's racism, violence, there's global warming with fires and floods.  There is hate and division in this country like I have never seen before in my life.

There's such political upheaval, and more to come.

At home, DH is experiencing more and more health issues.  The latest is diabetic retinopathy, with injections in his retinas every two weeks.

I am stressed.  I know it, I feel it in every bone in my body.    I try to quiet my mind, meditate, stop the noise in my head.  

Some days that's just not so easry.

Having faith that everything is as it should be is much easier to say than to do.

I confess to using some retail therapy.........online of course......to make myself feel better.

After several attempts to use a cheap yarn winder, I finally treated myself  to a Schacht swift with a counter.

Expensive, yes.  But it's the CADILLAC of swifts.   I knew it from the moment I opened the box.

I did manage to dye some tussah silk milk with the acid dyes before I got rid of them.

This job was actually the clincher in my decision to do that.

But it turned out well.

Mostly orange, with a hint of red, purple and fuchsia here and there.....it's going on the AVL now.

I have had a slammer for the last couple of days.....they come and they go........I'll be assaulted by one for days and days, then they won't be too bad for a few weeks......

I never know when ...and so far, I still don't know why.....the mystery continues.   To be honest, it's the least of my worries.

What I do know, is that I love my family, and I am willing to put up with an awful lot to see as much as I 

can of my childrens' and my grandchildrens' lives.  

I want to see the grands grow up....I'll take every minute I can, to do that.

Headaches, well, they are just a part of it.

It's been  9 years now.......it sounds bizarre, but I'm pretty used to it.

And look at this face..........  there isn't a headache in the world big enough to keep me away from him.

The most joyful moment in my life is when I go to my youngest daughter's house, to see this one, and the 6 year old and the 3 year old come running at me, screaming "Mimi, Mimi" at a range that would break your ear drum, and throw their arms around my legs.

Priceless doesn't even begin to describe it. 

In spite of everything else going on, I'm still grateful.

And grateful for the good health of my partner and best friend ever, L,  who needs to get back to work.