About 4 days ago, after 5-6 weeks of a slammer, my head finally dialed down a couple of notches. I continue to be mind boggled, never really knowing the reason.
Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful......when you have a 10+ for that long.....a 7-8 is pure heaven on earth.
It's all about perspective.
I had this crazy idea that I wanted to use all the old windows that we took off this house, to enclose the chicken run.
The chickens really only go in the coop at night.....and in the winter when there is snow on the ground, they spend most of their time in here.
But every year we put plastic on the outside of it, and then tear it off half rotted in the spring.
So.....windows.....a permanent solar room for the girls.
Unfortunately, my carpenter wanted to frame the windows in and do it "proper".
I said, "I don't want it PROPER. I want it FUNKY."
DH overheard me....and decided that it was going to be his summer project. All I had to do was help him to get the windows out of the barn loft.
The stairs are almost vertical. It's a two person job.
He told me that this was a perfect project for him, since he wasn't much of a carpenter.
He is filling in all the spaces with leftover wood we have.
The windows on the north and south ends are hinged, so they can be opened in the summer time.
I have done a lot of thinking about what I do, and the headache. Well meaning advice is to stop weaving. Stop moving, stop doing whatever might possibly be the reason.
Truth is.....I think anything and everything I do is the reason. My neck does not turn from side to side. My chin does not tilt in to put a fork in my mouth.......C1, 2, and 3 are fused....maybe even 4....not sure.
Because of that, all the vertebrae below that are affected.....they bear the brunt, so to speak. They will wear out faster, disintegrate faster, fail quicker.
The muscles in my neck and back are also compromised, trying to adjust to a C spine that no longer has the natural curve than it had before fusion.
So there is really NOTHING that does not cause my neck stress. Nothing.
Then there's this other issue, that I keep coming back to.
If you don't love your life, if you don't love what you do, and do what you love, then what is the point?
Really, what is the point??
I have adjusted my life greatly.....I don't do nearly what I used to do. And there are some things, that I know are evil.........and cause immediate regret.
But weaving, no. Weaving makes my heart sing.
And when my neck begins to complain, I stop.
But to give it up? Entirely?
Never. Just never.
I might as well "take that bridge".
Love what you do. Do what you love.
It's that simple.
I'll have tough weeks......then I won't. I'll forget them, until they come back.
I'll persist, until I can't.
Because as someone said, you can't really change who you are.
If you could, well, life wouldn't hardly be worth it, would it?