I wonder how, sometimes, but they still come.
We are weaving a few things.
Lois is weaving shawls in undulating twill, bamboo and cotton.
I am weaving cotton towels on 16 shafts on the AVL, and in between I am weaving placemats in M's and O's in organic natural cotton on the Wolf Pup.
And we have spools all wound for a warp on Monday, more organic cotton, for bath towels in a honeycomb pattern on the Schacht 36".
AND, we have a custom order to be woven on the Union Custom upstairs.
Recently, I found out that someone I knew about 50 years ago, had died last September. He wasn't local, so it was understandable that I hadn't heard it. This guy was just someone I knew in my late teens, but someone I always remembered fondly. He had an amazing smile, and a sweet, country boy way about him. No games, no hidden agendas. He was just a nice person. He wasn't a boyfriend, but he wanted to be, and I think I may have not been very nice.
I hadn't seen him over the years. I often heard about him in passing, how he'd married and had a family. I was happy to hear that he seemed to be doing well.
Then, of course, years went by when I didn't think about him any more than I thought about anyone else I knew back in the day.
Then I heard he died.
Now I am not sure what button got pushed, I don't know what shifted in my head.
But for some crazy reason, I wanted to sit down and cry.
And for several days, I couldn't STOP seeing his face. I couldn't STOP thinking about him at 18, even though in truth, he hadn't been 18 in a long, long time.
I really felt somewhat overwhelmed with sadness, and I could not, for my life, figure out why.
Maybe it was the head injury.
Maybe it's old age.
Maybe I'm losing my mind.
Then it hit me.
I was grieving for the youth gone by, the "way we were" so to speak. His death just brought it home clearly. We can never go back there. If we have regrets, they are just feelings, and they don't change the reality. Everything that came before this minute, is gone. Over. Done.
Is it just me? Or does anyone else do this?? Sometimes I look back and find myself feeling bad about a lot of the choices I have made. I made some doozies. And I know that's foolish. I know it is a total waste of time.
And honestly, I don't allow myself to dwell on my mistakes for long. But every now and then, something will happen, and a memory will surface, and I will wish for a split second that I could do it over, and do it differently.
But then again, I think that it's just a part of the human condition, that if we spend too much time looking over our shoulders, we are bound to be critical of something we did in the past. We aren't perfect. No one is.
So I guess I better just keep looking ahead, before I trip and fall on my face.
So I just reopened my ETSY SHOP
I have no idea if it will be worth it or not, but I figured I would give it a try. I have a smattering of things on there, and I'd love to hear your feedback.
I know you all probably remember my labyrinth, behind the barn. Well, every time my little 3 year old grand girl comes, she goes out there and runs around it. She's quite fond of it.
Well, when I went to her house, she said she had a surprise for me, on the deck. She made this for me. And yes, she made this ...........
I told her, and it's true, it's the best gift I've ever gotten.
Then Sydney pipes up........
what about me??????