Crazy as a Loom

Tuesday, December 27, 2016


I am reflective of late.
Maybe it's the headache.
Or it's winter.

I did actually decorate a bit for the holidays.

I enjoy my house.  I love it, to be sure.
I  just wish I could share it with my family, but they live a ways away, and of course, they are all busy.

I saw them all at Christmas, we always get together at one of their houses, about an hour away.

But to get them all here in Kingsbury  at the same time, well, that's not easy.
Work, sports, get the idea.
It makes me sad sometimes.   I try not to let it, but it does.
Time plods on, and what was is no more.
People change, children grow up, nothing stays the same for long.
Change is inevitable.
Sometimes it sucks, to be blunt.

This is my morning view, sipping my coffee, cats and dog sleeping around me, stove keeping the living room toasty.

I do a lot of thinking this time of day.  It's quiet, and I contemplate my life, and think about the changes that I have experienced.  Some good, oh yes.
Some not so good.
And a lot of changes were just to be expected.  There was no avoiding them, they happen to everyone.

I tried to get my two oldest grand daughters to come up on Christmas break.
But that's not happening either.
They are booked solid.....busy.
And to be honest, Mimi might not be as interesting to them, as she once was.

It brings to mind other times, when they loved to come stay with me.   I treasure those times.

They didn't stay that little for long, but it was an amazing time.

Now they are young ladies, just 7 years later.

Back then, I was happy to be the "paparazzi", just following them around on their adventures.
What I wouldn't give to do it all over again.

Now I see them on holidays.
And they text me.
But it isn't the same.
It's different with your own children.  They were stuck with you until graduation.

But with grandkids, you are definitely less important to them as they get older.
And to be honest, it's nothing abnormal.  They are just finding their own way.
It's reality.

Did I mention that reality sucks sometimes????

I don't want you  to think that I live a miserable life.
I don't.
I am happy in my little corner of the world.

I amuse myself so many ways.....making a spinach quiche for example.

Weaving a cotton "translucent windows" scarf/neck wrap.

I am never bored, I am always engaged in some pursuit that makes me feel sustained.

Maybe occasional sadness at the life gone by is a natural thing.   We get older, and there is a lot more lost than our youth.
Friends, family, gone from us.   Children grown up, with families of their own.
Priorities shifted, goals reached, walking a different path than one we've ever known.

In all my ponderings, and even in my dreams, I have not for sure found the answer to it all.
But I think...............I is this.
You just need to live the best life you can live, every day.  You have to find your sweet spot.  You have to find your own happiness.

And above all, you have to be grateful.

And I am.


Theresa said...

I'm betting if you really want to mess with youngsters there is a need in the community for Big sisters or mentors. Not the same I know, but imagine the difference you could make in a child's life....

DJan said...

I always read your posts. I comment rarely, but this one... it hit me hard, since it's clear we are at a similar place in our life journey. But you have what I will never have, and that is grandchildren. I must make do with grand-nieces, and that's okay, but somehow not quite the same. I would love to have a bit of that quiche, if you don't mind. :-) :-)

Karen said...

I hear ya! But I think you got it exactly right.. make the best of every day, each is a gift in these changing seasons of our lives...

claudia said...

I was having a hard time with my changes. One big one that I made all on my own, which took me away from the bigger part of my family. It also delivered me into a tiny part of it. One daughter lived here where I moved, another moved with me, my ex-husband was up this way. I left sisters, nieces, nephews, and one daughter behind. Last winter I went through one hell of a depression, which the doctor has now given me medication for and I am finally, FINALLY coming out of that fog. I am learning daily to find the sweet spots, I am learning to love my property and the position I have forged for myself in my life. It took time, but I am beginning to love where I am now. I miss my daughter I left behind terribly, but we call each other and talk for hours, she flies up a couple of times a year, so it's not so bad. My quality of life here is so much better than what I would have had if I stayed, I just have to remember that! Sorry for going on so long...

Charlene said...

Happy New Year! I love hearing your take on the world and seeing your images, your lovely new old house and family.
Glad we will be together for 2017.

Peg Cherre said...

Yes, changes are difficult, especially the ones that take loved ones away from us, generally through no choice of our own. Loss is about as constant as change, and remaining all Zen about it works to a point...then sadness rears its head and tears spring to the eyes. Close your eyes, swallow, let a few tears roll down your cheeks, and then think about the joy and blessings present. Repeat as needed.

And read blogs like yours. Another I really appreciate is Kindness Always Matters: I think you'll like it, even though she's not a weaver. :-)

Florida Farm Girl said...

Oh, you do understand. I lived in a place for 16 years only 1 1/2 hours from "home". Only one time did all my siblings come at the same time, and only because I insisted when it was my turn to host our family gathering. It was the one and only time for a couple of them, and the second or third time for the others in that 16 years. Yet, somehow they expected me to make the trek at the drop of a hat and I did so to see my mother, with no regrets. Can't say how many times I was at some of their homes during those years but it was a lot. It was the first time I'd ever lived within visiting distance of my family as an adult and it hurt when they wouldn't bother. I had to learn that people do what they choose to do and I couldn't change them. That acceptance made my life easier.

So, as you said, you get up every day and choose to live your life the best you can and be happy about it.

Shirley said...

Hillary, I have been reading your blog for years (even before your accident) and while I enjoy it immensely, I rarely comment. Your post today articulated so many things that I have been feeling. My youngest grandchild is now 12 and I am seeing some of those changes. When the other two grandchildren were branching out and making their own way, maybe it was easier because there was still the youngest grandchild or maybe I was too busy to notice. On the other hand, I love seeing how they are growing and developing a life for themselves. Just exactly what you want but . . . . . Your comment "live the best life you can every day" is what I tell myself and remind myself how very blessed I am. Wishing you a very Happy New Year and many blessings in 2017.

joyceetta said...

Absolutely true Hillary. Gratitude is the key to happiness! Let's raise a glass to 2017.....sure to be interesting at the very least!

Deb said...

I so agree that your 'happy place' is something to seek and find in this changing world. I find getting older a challenge, too. A life changer, for sure. And I am also grateful for every day and all my blessings of family and friends. And I am so happy that i found my love for cats many years ago and have incorporated them into my life as I have. They provide love and entertainment to me daily and even Audrey is a blessing in disguise. ;-) By the way, that quiche looks amazing.

KAM said...

Thanks Hilary for writing words that speak to me as I shift and change and appreciate all that is new and different as each year passes. Fortunately my two teenage grandchildren really like to "hang out" with me every other week or so for a while and it is treasured time, for sure. And as Deb says...that quiche looks amazing and ever so delicious.

Sharon said...

You speak for me as well. It's hard to see my grandkids who used to spend weeks or weekends with us become too busy to visit, and then of course, there's that glitch of distance and travel. We text and I value those "convos" for what they are. I've just had to accept that I'm not that over-the-hill-and-through-the-woods grandmother. And I don't want to the fall into the you-never-write-you-never-call manipulative trap either so I am cultivating my after-kids life which is going quite well as a matter of fact. It's not what I imagined at this stage of my life but it's quite satisfactory.

Angela Tucker said...

Your house always looks so inviting...I love your tableware. That is the perfect color.

I don't know if life ever goes as planned. I was going to retire last year, then this year, and now? Going for one more promotion. Sigh. It isn't so much the money, but the thought that I would no longer be "needed". Deeper sigh.

My son is living his dream. Unfortunately, it is 2000 miles away from me. I truly enjoyed my time with him as a child, it was never a chore. Now, I talk to him every chance I can, and send texts several times a week. But sometimes, my heart aches for a hug. We travel back and forth 2 or 3 times a year, so we pack as much fun into those visits as we can. He is one of my very favorite people.

Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel. Have a good night...

Annie said...

Obviously, this blog spoke to a lot of us. Changes are inevitable but so difficult. And one of the changes as we progress in life seems to be distance from family and friends. It's not always distance measured in miles. It's the distance created by people moving on with their own lives. So, I say we need to move on with ours too. The magnate on my fridge says "Live like someone left the gate open!" And that's what I'm trying to do with my retired life.

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts