Crazy as a Loom

Monday, October 7, 2013

Getting ready.

The weekend was a tough one.  If anyone had ever told me I would experience pain like this and still be on my feet, I would have laughed out loud.  Of course, because it's right before surgery, I can't take any of the drugs that might take the edge off.  I did take a Hydrocodone on Friday and was sick all day.  And if the pain wasn't bad enough, then F.E.A.R. crept in.  You know the kind, the one that sneaks around and blindsides you when your defenses are next to zero.  All the what ifs in the world came to rest right on my shoulders. I wanted my mother.  I wanted to talk about it.  I wanted to scream it to wind.  I wanted to wake up and find that this was all a mistake.
But I know it's not.
It's not.

Today is another day.  I pulled myself together.  I needed to get my oil changed in my car, for the trip.  When I got to the studio after that, Next was waiting at the corner of the house, peeking around to see when someone would come in the driveway.

I could hear him purring as I got out of the car.
I picked him up, and nuzzled his head, and told him how much I loved him.
The breeze picked up, I lifted my face and saw the golden leaves on the green metal roof of the barn, the sun glinting off it all.  My eyes teared up again, and I thought: "It's still a beautiful world. Amen.  It is."

Headache be damned.
I am just one person.  If I am here, or not, the world will still spin, life will be lived.  The days will dawn.  The wind will blow, and the sun will shine. Babies will be born.  All the things I am afraid of can not change any of that.  So really, I ask myself, what is there to be afraid of?

Lois did the Fiber Festival all by herself this past weekend.......succesfully I might add.  You're not surprised?  Neither am I.
If you look up "dependable" in the dictionary, her picture SHOULD be there.
I didn't even make an appearance, that's what a wreck I was.

This morning, I did manage to wrap it all up from a business point of view, and then Lois said, "You'd better put your towels on your web site, now that the show is over."
So we took some pictures, and I came home and put them up, and sent out a newsletter.
But for all of you who don't get my newsletter, consider yourselves notified.
The TOWELS are up.

They have been prewashed, but not ironed.  I don't do that.
There are quite a few of them.  Look for number available below each picture.
You can get to them with this link.

And with that, I have to go and pack.  Mundane tasks to pass the time, until it's time.
A friend said to me on the phone today, " You might as well be hopeful, as bleak.  It all takes the same amount of energy." 
I said, "amen, dear friend, amen."


Anonymous said...

Hilary I wish you nothing by sublime peace. You are a strong lady and will come through these hard times with a stronger spirit.

TexWisGirl said...

oh, bless you, dear hilary... bless you.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

All I can do for you is to send my best thoughts for a successful surgery, peace and comfort. You have all the love in the world from your family and friends, two legged and four legged. Give thanks to the universe that you are not alone, even though sometimes it may feel that way.
And now, perhaps if I buy more towels, I will be inclined to use one of them :-)

messymimi said...

Praying for a successful outcome, and for peace.

Paula DeFeyter said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers Hilary. You are one of the strongest women I know, and I have a feeling that you will come through this just fine. The third time is the charm. God bless! And thank you for putting the towels up, I love your towels & will continue to buy them as long as Crazy As A Loom doors are open. God Bless!

A Brit in Tennessee said...

I will be thinking of you dear friend, and praying that your surgery will be a succesful one.

Lydia La La said...

I'm weeping for you here and know your fear but I can not imagine your pain. May the surgeon's hands be sure and steady to ensure you will be pain free. Travel safely and all my good wishes. Take care. xx

Country Girl said...

Amen to your friend's comment. Ain't it the truth. Thinking of you and holding you close to my heart, Hilary. xoxo

Karen said...

Third time is the charm!... Think positive thoughts, as your wise friend said... the energy spent, you know. Spend it well. Love to you and prayer for obliteration of the headache once and for all.

Lona said...

I love that even when you are afraid, and in pain, you can look and see the beauty of the world around you. I am cheering for you (and praying, too).

Your towels are simply smashing. Love those red ones!

Hilary said...

Third time is the charm, dear one. You know you'll be on my mind and in my heart. Bring all of this bloggie love with you and add it to those of close friends and family. We'll all be waiting to hear how this time you will become and remain headache free.

Hugs and Love,
Your namesake.

claudia said...

*Sigh* I cannot find a thing in my life to complain about after reading your posts. You are so strong. I have to hand it to you, you are handling this so much better than I ever could.
Bless you Hilary and God speed.

Devon said...

Praying for you... for peace... for comfort... for a damn good surgeon!

Rain said...

Oh Hilary..... Bless you.....

Cupcake Murphy said...

Keeping you in my heart. xoxo

Anonymous said...

I'm with the others... third time is a charm. We are all thinking of you from one end of the globe to the other and wish you peace and healing as far as the moon and back... xox

C-ingspots said...

Oh Hilary, I'm a fairly new follower...but you are an amazingly strong and beautiful woman. You are. One thing that constantly blows my mind in life is that, the people who should know us best, our family, rarely really know us at all. They certainly don't respect us, or value us like you would think; and in my opinion, they don't really care. Maybe that's because being superficial human beings (most of us), family members don't require impressing, they don't believe we're worthy of their time. They can't fool us. Don't know...anyway, here on this blog, you can be uniquely you, in all your honesty, your truly real bits. Good and bad. I can't imagine how you manage everything, dealing with such unbearable pain and still creating such beauty, your incredible and honest writing and so much more I'm unaware of. God will watch over you, and guide your surgeon's hands. You are valued and loved by Him, and whatever happens, you will be alright. I am praying for you Hilary, beautiful woman...praying for the best possible outcome. I don't know how to not have fear, I can't even imagine facing what you are. But, try to replace that fear with prayer, and God can, and will put in your heart a peace that surpasses all human understanding. He can do that for you. Peace be in your heart. Rest assured that you (no matter what) will be okay. There are so many prayers from so many people who love you, that I have no doubts that your prayers and hopes and wishes will be to you again real soon. When you're feeling so much better! :)

Jenny said...

I follow your blog, but I never comment. Why? Because I just like looking at what you create.
But I have to write now, after reading these words.
I truly hope your pain will be healed very soon.
Sending good wishes to you!

thotlady said...

Best of wishes always.

Susan Harvey said...

Oh, my.... I have to tell you that you made me cry last night when I read your post. I understood your pain, frustration and fear. I simply could not comment right then...

You have had a very tough time of it lately: the fall and the HH, 2 surgeries plus this third, your DH's health, your dog passing away and then Roy-Boy coming, your mother's decline and passing, and all this while running a business and a home and being a wife and a grandma.

Its understandable that you are feeling low right about now.

While we can't go through all this plus the coming surgery for you, just let me say that we are with you from where ever we live in the world. You have inspired so many people to come and visit your corner of the world, hear your words and be your friend from afar.

Be kind to yourself, take the time needed to rest and recover. Let others close to you help and most of all, know that you are loved.

Wee Dale needs you too

hugs, Susan and Bruce

MarthaVA said...

Sending white light, healing thoughts, and prayers for the doctor to finally fix HH and send it on its way.
You have the strength to make it through this.
Hang on.
Gentle hugs,

Lorraine said...

We love your passion and strength! We also love your frankness and vulnerability! You are indeed loved by those that extend beyond your immediate family! You have our virtual support, healing thoughts and positive well wishes. Weave on Hilary, and redesign and redraft the tapestry that is your beautiful life in any way you choose! Weave on girl!

JC said...

I'll be thinking of you and so hoping for the best.

Love the driveway photo. Isn't that what it's all about ?


Daryl said...

keeping good thoughts ... xoxo

Hilary said...

Got a quick but VERY encouraging email from my namesake during the night. I figured all her beautiful people would want to know:

"I am doing fantastic
Better than I ever expected
I think my mom was there :)
Back to sleep now
Email you tomorrow

Ain't that great? :)

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts