Crazy as a Loom

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Warning:  Pictures unrelated to text.

Just thought I should tell you.

In my alternate life,
 I wake up one morning, without a headache.

At first, I just sense something is different, but it's such a shock, I can't identify what has changed.
Then it hits me.  My headache is gone.
Two years.
And it's gone.

I make my coffee and sit on my corner of the sofa.  I don't fire up my lap top.  I don't pick up the newspaper (truth is I never read the newspaper).
I just stare straight ahead.  My mind is whirling, and at the same time, it's blank.

Eventually, I get up and start my day.  But it's hard to concentrate.  I want to believe this is true.
But I wonder.  Is it a fluke?  Is it a pause in the action, only to return times ten?
Is it real?
Is it possible?
I am delirious.  I am scared.  I am confused.

Suddenly, I remember what my life used to be like.  Without a headache.
How foolish I was, to have taken this for granted.
How lucky I was, to go through my days with nothing pressing behind my eyes.
 I had it made.
I didn't know.   I had no idea.

 Two years of a headache, two surgeries, headache if that's not an education, I don't know what is.

I know now that life is tenuous.  It can't be trusted.  Change is the only thing you can really depend on.  People change.  Times change.  The weather changes.
Feelings change.  Intentions, too.  We get older.  Accidents happen.  Good health doesn't last.
Youth doesn't either.
Today is all we own.  And it's gone before we know it.
Every day that we embrace is a day no one can ever take away from us.

 In this life.
Tomorrow: another MRI.


Deb said...

Oh drat..I hope they can figure this out for you. I know there has to be SOMETHING that can be done. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Go get that MRI, have a great lunch and take Roy for a long walk. I'll pray for you because that's what I do. Hugs, Deb

Anonymous said...

Hoping for the best results. Xox

Joanna said...

Aw crap. Holding you in the Light.

Mary said...

Press on regardless.
Sending healing wishes of aloha.

Sweetpea said...

I come by often ... always enjoy/am engaged by what you have to say, Hilary, and I always love to see the weaving work/cats/quandaries around your digs ... but I don't often stop to comment. Tonight I want to say that this on-going headache stuff is just SHITE ... and I HATE that you, your loved ones, have to barrel through this barrage time and time again.

out here, thinking of you, sending you the BEST.

Unknown said...

It is very tough job. Hoping for the best results me too.

Kopi Luwak

Anonymous said...

I woke up with a headache in the wee hours this morning, and I can't imagine what living constantly with that pain must be like. I drank some tea for the caffeine, took a hot bath, and went back to bed. When I woke up later, it was gone, thank God. I hope someone is able to find some resolution for you.

Diane said...

Sending you best wishes, hugs, and continued strength.

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

Damn headache

Susan said...

I can totally relate. I have Lupus and every day there's pain that I can count on, but there are also good days. Wishing you some good days, my friend--you are due! XOXO

Carol said...

I am so sorry you are still suffering...yet you inspire none the less. Glad there is an MRI happening...prayer and positive thoughts will be happening here for you. May you be peaceful...

Anonymous said...

Hilary, I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope this MRI finds the source of your pain and the pain can be gone forever.

Rita said...

So sorry to hear that.
Life is a crap shoot. Sometimes you get crap. But it is still the best game around.

thotlady said...

My thoughts are with you. I know it's tough. I admire your attitude. Good luck with the MRI.

Karen said...

Aw crap again.

love to you - and a wish for good results and jeez, a resolution.

Hilary said...

Oy.. I know it has to be bad for you to be considering another MRI so soon after saying.. "not yet."

Keep in touch.. let us know, please.


MarthaVA said...

Ach! (((Hugs))).

Nancy said...

It has to get better for you. The first of this month,I woke up one morning with buzzing in my ears. I felt panicky. After 5 days the noise was gone for two days. Bilss. Now it is back full time.

Cupcake Murphy said...

You're my hero always.

Rain said...

Your photos are beautiful- in sharp contrast to your words...... So very true.... You are in my thoughts and prayers as I too have been brought up short by new medical snafu......... A moment in time is all.......
Hugs to you......

Cait Throop said...

Oh crap from me, too. You really need a resolution and relief. said...

Hope everything goes well with MRI scan...will be sending positive thoughts and wishes xxxx

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