Crazy as a Loom

Monday, April 1, 2013

The facts. and more.

Last week was somewhat of a blur.   My head roared.  My stomach rolled.  I worried.
I imagined.  I experienced waves of pure terror.
I wanted to get there, to that surgery date.  And I wanted it behind me.  I wanted it to be the right decision.
Then I thought: what other decision is there?

(By the way, today is the first day I can sit upright, and the first time my laptop has been opened.)

Sunday night, daughter #1 and I went to Great Neck, checked in at the hotel.
Deja vu?

Monday was a busy day.  Ct scan, physical, consult, preclearance at the hospital.

"Your wait will be about 3 hours".  I didn't even ask if she was kidding.  The people packed into every corner spoke volumes.

But between all that, we went to an older part of Great Neck, to a lovely little French restaurant, for lunch.


 It is a choice to be miserable.   And even if you expect to be somewhat miserable by unavoidable circumstances, you can find joyful things all around to slip in between, if you just look.

 She had the chicken crepes, and I had the Grilled Veggie and Goat cheese crepes.  And it was quiet, and lovely.


Can I just tell you right here that I have three angels for daughters?
THREE.
Amazing.
Angels.
Brooke, Holly, Morgan.
I am blessed to be their mother.  I could not have done anything more meaningful in my life.


And we watched the geese and a pair of swans outside our window.


 Life doesn't have to be hard.  But sometimes it is.

 All the more reason to savor all those sweet, delightful moments we encounter.
We both had the Onion Soup.
O.M.G.  to die for.

Tuesday morning came soon enough.  I bought a book on Monday, and luckily for me it was totally engrossing, and I could ( and did ) easily drown myself in it.
I refused to think about the upcoming "EVENT", or the pain and the awfulness that would ensue forthwith.
When I woke up in recovery, I knew that something had happened. Something big.

My daughter said that the surgery took longer than anticipated, and when the doctor came out the first thing he said was that he was DELIGHTED with the surgery.  He said that there was WAY MORE bone and scar tissue in there than he thought, that it was pressing on the dura of my brain, and he was pretty sure THAT had been the problem.

First couple days post op, misery.  You know that, right?
And most of the pain is from the muscle spasm from the retractors they used to get where they wanted to be.
Then they asked me if I wanted to go home, and since the yahoo visitor had spent most of the night in the next bed while the patient he was visiting was in the chair.  Lights blaring, talking, TV on.
(I texted daughter #2, she called the hospital, and he LEFT)
But still, home sounded like a good idea.
The ride home was tough, but my fave nurse was waiting patiently.


All three of my angel daughters took care of me right through to yesterday.  They did the nursing TLC stuff that nurses USED to do, back when I went to school.  And I had drugs.   Thank God.
Some Percocet, some Valium, a lot of sleep.  Heat/ice/heat.

 NOW HERE IS THE GROSS PICTURE OF THE INCISION.   ..........so close your eyes and scroll quick if you are squeamish.   I think it speaks volumes.





 OK, you can look now.
Here is Nurse Roy, finally calmed down, finally OK, now that Mom is home.
DH calls him the big brown wart on my butt. 
This is probably the farthest he has been from me since Thursday.


But here's the deal.  The one I know in my heart.
They pulled a chunk of cement out of my neck.  It's gone, and I feel it.
And the pressure behind my eyes is gone.  
And I feel myself, at last.  AT LONG LAST.
ME.
Back, from somewhere I never want to go again.
And this time, the tears are joy, pure joy.


66 comments:

Country Gal said...

Yeah blogger is acting up ! I will pop back later not showing a post just a title ! Hope you are feeling better !

Candy Duell said...

Same for me too. I will be back later. I also hope your feeling better!

Karen Tenney said...

WooHoo! Welcome back!

Lily said...

Hilary I am almost speechless I am so happy for you that all went well and even better! Am sure your daughters are angels but am pretty sure they got their values from you.

Loomatic said...

Wow! Wonderful news! I am so hopeful for you. Nasty looking scar, but that is why we have hair! Glad to hear you are better!

Mary Ann said...

Fabulous (except for the neck picture--OMG!) So glad you are recovering!!! Mary Ann

amyfibre said...

Oh hurray! Glad to see you back, even for a minute. Glad they could remove the cement block from your neck. Glad you're still you, even after all this. May each day get better and better. (Scritches to dear Roy!)

Hartwood Roses said...

It's so great to hear the optimism in your words! Skilled medical care, and the love of family and fur-kids, can do wonders. (I'm not squeamish, and your incision is fascinating.)

Hilary said...

You've got me shedding tears of joy. Your wonderful daughters are just that because of their wonderful mother. Roy.. well he's just a dream. Nasty scar. I'll bet you winced when you saw the photo. I know I did.

I'm so glad you're doing well, dear one.

claudia said...

Oh thank God and your three angels. Daughters are such a blessing aren't they?
I am so happy for you that things went well, and will continue to go well.
Thank you so much for letting us know!

Tyche's Minder said...

Yay! Goodbye chunk of cement!

Lynn said...

Hooray! And just in time for spring! Just in time to weave in warm sunshine and watch the daffodils come up and the lakes reflect blue, blue skies - just in time for LIFE! Hooray!

Shiralyn said...

Finally some great news. The Lord is good and you have many of your Blog Family praying for you. Now rest up and get along with your crazy, wonderful life.

Country Girl said...

I am here. And this makes me so happy, Hilary. And damn - that really is a long scar!

Karen Canada said...

Thanks be to God!! I'm so glad you're feeling like yourself again!! Priceless!! Continued prayers and hugs!!!

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Love ya... that's a mighty big boo boo on the back of your neck. Very happy that the doctor was so positive about the surgery results. Now it's just one day at a time as the boo boo heals.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

I love everything about this post, except for the part that you have had pain. You are an incredibly strong woman and your daughters are absolutely lovely for all that they do. And Roy? Love that boy!!

the wild magnolia said...

I am a million times happy for your relief!! I cannot imagine your pain and suffering, and now it is GONE.

Bless your heart. Bless your daughter's hearts for taking care of you. And...the fur person, well he is wonder nurse Roy.

It is surely uphill from here.

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

So very very happy for you!

Thistle Rose Weaving said...

Hilary, you are the toughest lady I have ever had the pleasure of "knowing". Your daughters are the best, Roy is the best, the hubs is the best. You are the best, God bless. You will recover and all will be much much better. Get some rest

Gayle said...

GREAT NECK....ROFL! What a perfect place for you! OMG. The best is yet to come, Babycakes!

Cait Throop said...

Oh Hilary, I am so relieved! So relieved. But what an incision!!! I am so glad you went ahead and did this though I do know that volunteering for surgery is ridiculously hard. Hopefully your daughters will make you take it easy and heal! How wonderful to have 3 lovely nurses! Sending hugs!

A Brit in Tennessee said...

I am so happy to read you are getting back to your normal wonderful self, you are one tough lady !
THAT is one big incision but it will soon be covered with your hair and the only thing that will be visable, is more laughter, brighter days, and pain free !
Hugs, and continued wellness dear friend.
~Jo

Suzanne said...

So glad you are feeling better. Really nice to hear from you.

Cindie Kitchin said...

So good to read a post for you - I'm so glad all went well......you had a lot of good thoughts coming your way.

karen said...

I am so happy for you! God Bless.

Deb said...

So happy to read this. "Delighted" is the key word here. ok - so I got a bit weak in the knees at the incision but that's already healing. So, it's baby steps, lots of rest, positive pampering and Roy by your side. You have a great family, Hilary. Welcome back.{{hugs}}

Kathy said...

Tears of Joy for you, Hilary. I can't imagine what you went through, but to know your way of looking at things good and not so good, have been quite an inspiration to me. Here's to all good things, a warm, healing, glorious spring.

Kathy said...

Forgot to add that your daughters are truly angels. Thinking of all the wonderful times you will have together...pain free...canoeing, fishing, walking, hiking...talking, laughing, everything!

MarthaVA said...

Yes! Yes! YES!!! I'm so happy for you! I do hope you never have to go thru this again.
(((Hugs)))
Martha

Deanna said...

When I got to the end of this entry, I had tears rolling down my face...I want you to be you again....

Mrs. Turkey said...

Good news Hilary.....am so pleased for you. Hope each day gets better & better. You have expert nurses. love the picture of the nurse having a nap.

Celia~Maine

Mrs. Turkey said...

Good news Hilary.....am so pleased for you. Hope each day gets better & better. You have expert nurses. love the picture of the nurse having a nap.

Celia~Maine

Sharon said...

I'm glad it's over and the results are better than the doctor expected. You can't hear anything sweeter after a surgery. The proof is in the pudding (my grandmother always said that) - the pain pressure behind your eyes is gone. That's a very impressive scar - not for the faint hearted, I must say. Congratulations1

Mary said...

YEAH! I will continue to pray for you.

Mary said...

YEAH! I will continue to pray for you.

Restless Knitter said...

It brought tears to my eyes to hear that you are feeling better! Still keeping you in my thoughts!

Susan Harvey said...

Welcome home... mind body and soul.
Hugs,
Susan and Bruce

Acorn to Oak said...

Best wishes for a speedy healing and big hopes that the pain will be completely gone this time.

Susan said...

Can I say, the worse is over! I was a nurse (Pediatric) for 17 years and your incision is quite impressive, but then, so are you! Your daughters and Roy did an excellent job taking care of you and I'm happy you're back, XOXO

grace lovelace said...

wonderful......

Brenda said...

I am so glad you are feeling better---that is one mean dog you have! My first Yorkie was like Roy---if you were sick or hurting, she would stick with you, no matter how long it took. I still miss her sometimes.

Candy Duell said...

Wow Hilary,I am glad your recovering and have such good nurses to help you threw this. Welcome home and keep up the great recovery!

Karen said...

This is just awesome awesome news. You must feel so freak'n relieved. What an ordeal, and you can findally breath again. You did it!!.. you survived and will now thrive.

Welcome -HOME-

moosecraft said...

It's all good! Welcome to yet another normal! :-) Happy Spring!

Carol said...

Ahh, welcome back...it is so good to read your thoughts this morning. They brought tears to my eyes, happy tears. Joyful tears for you! I am so happy for the relief that you are feeling, so happy that you are back! You have been an amazing example of strength and grace through this whole journey...thank you for taking us all with you. Continued prayers for your complete restoration and healing. Amazing family and that sweet Roy...

Rain said...

Tears to my eyes! I'm so glad it's still you....... And I'm sure you know what I mean.... So happy for you and your family!! And us all here in blogger land!! Scar looks good-CCU worker for 25+ yrs!!! Now every time you reach back and touch it- you will know all is well!! And enjoy every LITTLE thing....... As we all have learned to appreciate thru this trip with you!! Well I have for sure....... :)
Rain :)

ain't for city gals said...

Unbelievable what you have gone through and come out on the other side...YIPPEE!

MrsB said...

Welcome back....your scar looks like you have been in a great battle - and come out the other side.
Congratulations....
Your fans are very happy.

Daryl said...

my tears are for your joy ... and roy is the best 4 legged nurse ever .. of course your 3 amazing angels are the best 2 legged nurses ... xo

Daryl said...

oops forgot to say ... we have a bistro citron here on the uws of manhattan .. one of our fav spots for dinner out

ladyoftheloom said...

I am so glad it went well. And I can totally relate about nurses doing things nurses don't do any more. What do they learn now?

One day if I ever come to NY, we can compare scars and hairstyles.

Alice

C from MN said...

bless you Hilary..... enjoy this life!

sandy said...

Welcome back!! Still keeping you in my prayers and thoughts for a speedy recovery!

Pat Mofjeld said...

So good to hear from you. Ugh--that one photo--wow! is all I can say. I'm so glad it is literally "Behind you" and now it will be onward and upward. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for a quick complete recovery! :-) Pat Mofjeld

messymimi said...

Praying for continued healing, and for joy to grow as it does.

Melanie Hayes said...

So glad to hear things went well and it is so good to see you back. Now get some rest and have a speedy recovery! :)

fiberdance said...

so glad it's over and things look better-heal fast and be well real soon

Donna S. said...

So glad that is all behind you. Now heal quickly & get back to life!! :)

mray said...

So happy this surgery was successful and it is literally behind you! I must tell you I thought the stitches were a zipper, I cleaned my glasses and there you are sitting up and writing......sending wishes for you to have only good days. Many blessings to you and your terrific daughters and family including Roy.

Peg Cherre said...

YAY!!! You know we were all sending you positive thoughts, healing thoughts, and we will continue to do so during this recovery period.

Rest, smile, breathe, and trust that this, too, shall pass.

JC said...

I am so glad that the surgery was successful. That nasty scar will fade as they all do. It will be forgotten. And, you and Roy will continue on without so much pain.

xo,
JC

Cupcake Murphy said...

Amen.

Granny J said...

I am so happy for you! Wishing you a very quick recovery!

Lydia La La said...

Another hurdle done with... you are a brave warrior woman. keep resting and recovering. take care xo

Janet said...

Finally some relief? I hope you can get some rest. May this be the Springtime of a new life for you. Grow, Bloom, and enjoy the beauty of sunshine.

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts