Crazy as a Loom

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Worry


I know it never really helps to worry about anything, and usually I don't.

But in just two days, we will be casting our votes for President of the United States.
I won't get into politics here.
But I am afraid.
Afraid that collectively, we will make the wrong choice.  The wrong choice for this country, and especially the wrong choice for women.

But more than that, I am worried, about how divided we are, as a country.
Does that bother anyone else?


I am also worried, because really cold weather is right around the corner.
Next and Nuff have their solar house, and they have the house that L built them, but it still bothers me to have them outside all the time.
It doesn't seem right to me.
I worry.
Today, while I had the door open to the inside porch, they both came right in.
That tells me what they think about it all.
But SIX cats inside???   Really???
Not to mention that we thing Nuff would beat everybody else up.


Then there's the statements in the mail, from Medicare, and United Health.
When I turned 65, Medicare became my primary.  Not my choice, I didn't have a choice.  The state insurance I have had since 1984 became my secondary.
At the Chiari Institute, before my surgery, they assured me that Medicare and United Health would cover it all, not to worry.
What they didn't say was that the neurosurgeon they recruited to do the rods in my neck, does not take Medicare.
His fee, $32,500.
Total cost of surgery, $61,000. That's a lot of money.
So you see, I worry.


I am still in recovery mode.  I am doing more all the time, but I still have my limits.
I am also somewhat "changed", and I can't exactly explain that.
But most days I come home early, or leave home for the studio late.  I am getting things done, but not in any way I am accustomed to.

I am sad to say that a daily headache persists, and I am praying that eventually it will be gone.
But you can imagine, can't you, that I worry.


But life goes on.  I am trying to "stay in the day".  I am also concentrating on living the life I want to live.
Every day.


Because when I do, it seems that I don't have as much time.
To worry.

21 comments:

Dik52 said...

I think the older we get, we just worry more! Hang in there, and try not to worry about things we can NOT change! I know its hard, the election has everyone worried. Both sides are worried!

Deb said...

We Canadians worry too because whatever happens across the border affects us as well. I am staying close to the news and it looks like it will be a close finish. I don't trust politicians so I have a hard time choosing. As far as the cats, Hilary..I live with 6 cats in a small, 120 year old, two story frame house. I imagine it is smaller than your studio from pictures. My gut feeling is that they do want in because cats love warmth and company and they don't understand why they are outside. They want to be near you. If you decide to try it I think you just need to stay calm and start them out in one room. Slowly, introductions can be made. As far as cleaning up after them, 4 cats...6 cats they all shed and you have to vacuum and dust. If they have what they all need they will get along ok. You will experience some growling and hissing but they usually will work it out between them without any blood-shed. N & N will probably stick together which I believe will make their transition easier for them. It's a 'wait and see' type of thing.
I'm glad you are taking it easy and I have to say that I am saddened to hear that you are still having daily head-aches. I hope your dr. has given you a time-frame on that. I understand your concern. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Deb

Country Gal said...

I think that medical bill is terrible, as if you don't have enough on your plate recovering from major surgery . All you can do is take each day as it comes and try to enjoy each day and live to the fullest that you can . I do hope the headaches subside very soon for you. As for the cats yes I agree with Deb . I to will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . Hugs from us at Our Country Cove .

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

To be honest I am very worried about what will happen next week. I have tried to stay open minded but it is hard to do when there is no trust for politicians. I have already voted and I have not watched the news since.

I am appalled by the medical bill!
That is one of the reasons I keep struggling to pay for insurance.

It is very hard not to worry when your world feels a little shaky. I am sorry that you are still having headaches.
One day at a time. Don't worry and do not play the what "Ifs".
Best wishes and prayers.
Louise

Country Girl said...

I am wondering what a lawyer would say about a neurosurgeon who was supplied by the institute that promised you that between your two insurances, all would be covered, only to give you a person who didn't take medicare. This seems very wrong to me. And that bill seems way too much. Yes, you have a lot to worry about but I want you to know that all will be well. Somehow all will be well.
Gorgeous photos here today, btw.

Donna S. said...

I pray that headache goes away soon!!! I will see Frances this weekend & will see how she is doing.
Yes, everything is scary right now for sure!!

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Worrying never solved anything for anyone so that needs to stop. Have you considered taking a relaxation class or beginning yoga?

Acorn to Oak said...

I can understand your worry. Especially over those crazy, high medical bills. I hope that somehow it will all end up that your cost will be MUCH less. I recently had surgery and have insurance but the bill I received from the hospital and doctor were shocking, to say the least. Luckily, the insurance company had negotiated prices that were MUCH less. Whew! I still had a big bill but it was so much better. I hope your situation ends up at least as good. I sure hope your head starts feeling better soon! Hugs! You're in my thoughts and prayers!

The Cat Guy said...

I can understand your worry. I'm like Deb, I don't trust politicians one bit nor do I like the power the insurance industry holds. And like Deb, I have six indoor cats in a small house and it works! It's a lot, but it works! I hope the headache clears up soon!!

claudia said...

I'm thinking that we can only do our best and leave the worrying to those who get paid to worry. As for me, I don't get paid enough for that.
I will just continue to do things to make myself and those who love me happy, try to stay healthy, make it to work every day I can and if I slip up somewhere along the way, I will tell you now, I am sorry for it!

Karen said...

Hilary, I can so relate to your post this morning.

I hate to offend people, but I am so surprised by the support MR has from some of the women I know...Ryan is worse! And so many of their supporters are people who ARE NOT among the ones they are looking to serve! I don't get it and I worry what direction our country will take if they win.

As for WORRY... "Worry is like a rocking chair...it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere". I try to remember that... daily.

messymimi said...

Would your two outdoor cats be able to come inside only on the coldest nights, and be separated from the others?

DJan said...

My sister has said me more than once that worry is a misuse of the imagination. I am a worrier, too, and I am praying for the election to be over tomorrow. And that we will rejoice in the outcome. Praying hard for that.

Cait Throop said...

I, too, hate the way the country is divided...and am worried about women's rights...and hope we make the right choice...way too stressful, isn't it! Those medical bills are awful. We are slowly paying off our (my) medical bills from three years ago but I have learned not to think about it very much because I used to totally stress about money and I think that is what eventually led to illness, and, ironically, more debt. I am sorry to hear that your headaches have not improved. Does that very expensive brain surgeon have a time frame for improvement?? Keeping you in my thoughts, Hilary.

Daryl said...

i worry too ...

have you told the doctors or the PT people about the headaches? i hope its a side effect of the prolonged pressure on your brain/spine and its just that you (and I) aren't kids so it takes longer to heal .. xoxoxo

Cindie Kitchin said...

I hear you on the worry, I try my best not to but it doesn't always work. On the election I worry about women's rights being set back 40 years and even though I'll be on edge until this is all over tomorrow evening I'm trying to let it roll off my back, there's nothing I can do about it, I voted, all I can do is wait and hope for the best. On the cats - why not try letting them in, introduce them slowly - what's 2 more cats in the place anyhow! On your medical costs - I would also worry about those, somehow it doesn't seem fair since you were promised fees would be covered - if you feel up to it persue it. My best to you that the headaches continue to get better although it may be too slowly for you.

The Village Queen said...

Wow, thats a hit. But you can only get so much blood from a stone. Send them $100 bucks a month and let it go.
Worry is a useless state like guilt. You feel bad and it doesnt affect the situation or others at all. Breathe, remeber the serenity prayer which is the best advice no matter who you are, "accept the things I cannot change"... and let them go. Your head will be happier without the stress.
Let the boys in I say, sure there will be territoral fussing for a bit but it wont be long before on a zero degree day you find all 6 in a kitty pile keeping warm together. And all the interaction will be fun to watch.

The state of politics, a more useless place we've come to, our forfathers are rolling in thier graves.
Hang in there Hillary, and think like a duck, let these things roll off your back.

cattywumpus said...

I'm with you on the election worry thing. I know both sides are worried, but I hate to think about the other guy winning. Not just for women, but for the direction of the country.
I also understand about the worry with the cats. I would agree with others that they should come in (slowly). I'm not a good one to talk - I just brought home a kitten and my older cat is very upset (and I even did the slow introduction thing).
That medical bill is appalling. I hope it can get sorted out in your favor.
I love your blog and find your story so compelling.
I would give you advice that I cannot follow myself - try not to worry about things that can't be changed. And cats are good medicine.

Laura in IA said...

I understand your worry about your medical bills and hope it all works out favorably. No matter the final cost I believe your good health is totally worth the price.

Anonymous said...

Google is having a hissy fit, so I'm posting anon.

Did you get it in writing that MediCare would cover the costs of surgery? Hunt down the hardest working insurance rep within the Chiari institute and get the charges adjusted, if you can. If not, dole out the payments in whatever way you can. Sad to say but the Catholic hospital I used to work for has put more acquaintances in "medical bankruptcy" because of emergency surgery, complications from same, and prolonged stays.....it stinks that medical care is so expensive, and such a BUSINESS. No easy answer here.

thecrazysheeplady said...

The ending...good point.

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