Surrender

I am sure the world has gone mad, and sometimes I wish I lived on a mountain, with no access to any kind of media.  

I know that is a pipe dream, can you ever get away from it????

But this week has been particularly disturbing.

A father who shoots his three sons, in the yard, in front of their mother.  They were beautiful little boys, ages 3, 4, and 7.   Why?

Five people in a submarine, 2.5 miles down in the ocean, looking for wreckage of a ship that's been there for over 100 years, surely not to be rescued.  They went voluntarily.  Why?

The world is a mind boggle much of the time, and maybe it always has been, but now, it is in 

our face, daily.  The magnitude of our disconnect.

On so many levels, the internet is a wonderful thing.

And yet..........

Wasn't life so much simpler before? 

Useless pondering, I know.

But now I understand my elderly mother's reminiscing about times past.  How much she enjoyed traveling back down memory lane.  I didn't get it then, but now I do.

Getting older sometimes makes you smarter, not feebler.

Often I beat myself up with the thoughts that I "should" be doing something, traveling, being more social, being more adventurous. joining groups. buying nicer clothes, dressing up more, getting out more,  I ask myself, "what ever happened to you?"  

You didn't use to be such a hermit.

Then at times, I get sucked into the FOMO mentality.   OMG,  fear of missing out.  It even sounds ridiculous.

What I've realized is this.

I'm fairly old.  I've been on this earth for 76 years to date.  I've had an interesting, active, pretty wonderful life. I've been blessed in so many ways.   Hard times?   Absolutely.

But here I am, still on my feet, still weaving, still excited about every sunrise.

The truth is, I don't really want to travel.   I  don't want to be more social.  I am happy with the small circle of friends and family who elevate me, always.  I don't want or need a lot of fancy clothes, and in fact, if it's not totally comfortable, it's out.  I'm not losing weight, either.  Enough already, it's long past time to give up on that need to "fit in" or "measure up" or in any way waste a minute comparing myself to anyone else.  I eat sensibly, but if I want a bagel, I'm having a bagel.

No longer interested in impressing anyone at all.

Truth is, I'm incredibly happy right where I am.

Simple, perhaps, but nothing feels as good as this.

Me, and two dogs, and two cats.   A pack you might say.  And what is more comforting than to be with your pack???

Of course, before all the social media explosion, we weren't bombarded with everyone's "best" moments, their FB pages, and Instagram, and all the rest, where they appeared to be so incredibly perfect and happy.   

So we were more content in our own little worlds, and if we ventured out, on a big trip, it was an event, not a small part of a whirlwind life, like we see portrayed for us on the screen, continuously.

The sense of foreboding I have carried around since one year ago June, has gone.  Very 

simply, I have surrendered.   An old Al Anon word, "surrender".   Not giving up, oh no.

But surrendering to a higher power, accepting life as it is.  Loving it, as it is.

And gratitude, always.