Crazy as a Loom

Tuesday, November 16, 2021


It comes to mind today, that I am not on my own on this journey of getting older.  There have been times, when I have felt alone in it, that it was just me, traveling this road towards the unknown.  And I will admit it, it felt pretty scary, when I allowed myself to go there.

But just this week, I have had occasion to talk to a few of my friends, who are also
experiencing the same thing..........aging......and the accompanying problems, worries, pains, and fears that go along with it.  I am far from being alone, there is a whole generation of us, in our 70's, headed towards the big 80, an age that honestly has sounded totally foreign until just lately.

I spend a lot more time looking back, than I have ever done before. Remembering people, places, and events that made up my life.

(me and my cousin Billy, 8th grade graduation, he's been gone for 17 years, we 
were born one day apart)

  It brings to mind that my mother was often nostalgic about the past, as she got older.  I'm not sure I understood it then, but I get it now.

I wonder what other people worry about, when they think about getting to the end of their life. 

 I know this probably sounds maudlin to some, but I worry about my dogs. .......  my kids, my 24/7 companions.    I worry that I won't live long enough, and that they will be homeless, separated, not loved.  The thought spirals through my head sometimes, late at night, and makes me physically ill.
I know my real children will be fine.   I raised three capable, wonderful daughters, who are totally in charge of their own lives, and their own families.

But Naya and Willie..........they rely on me.  

I move off the couch, they move off the couch.

I go to bed, they are right behind me.

The bathroom trips.....well, yes, they wait outside the door.....or they come right in given the chance.

Whatever room I'm in, that's the room they're in.

I leave..........Willie howls......and when I come back, they are both jumping up on the back door, taking off what's left of the paint.

I try to estimate the years they have, and then I pray to live at least that long.

Crazy??? Possibly.    
Naya will be 7 in January.......not an exact estimation, but close.
Willie, will be only 4.
I never thought about his age  when I adopted him....he was only 18 months old........what was I thinking???
And now, of course, I wouldn't give him up.

I read an article in the NY Times the other day.  
It bothered me for days, and I still don't like to really thing about it.

This couple in CA had IVF......the mom carried the baby, gave birth, and somewhere along the way noted that the baby didn't look like tone was a little darker, hair was eventually they had DNA testing done, and found out it wasn't their baby...........and they found out that it belonged to another couple, and that couple had their biological baby.  So after a YEAR, they swapped babies.

I'm sorry, but I cannot wrap my brain around this.

So they are saying that the origin of the sperm and the egg are MORE important than the baby that they have bonded with for a year.  They voluntarily gave it away.
I wouldn't give WILLIE away, or would have to restrain me to take either of them away from me.....but these people gave away their year old babies.  The trauma.....I can't even begin to imagine.  The siblings were distraught........understandably.
Will any of those children ever get over this???

I'm curious what you all I alone in thinking this is horrendous.
I know my daughter has an 18 month old.....and if someone told her that he was biologically not hers, she would never, ever, ever give him up.

I am not so sure that I like the world we live in today.....maybe that's why thinking about the world I grew up in, raised my children in, all those years of my life before now........maybe that's part of why they look so good, and why I occasionally find myself remembering.
I like to think it was better, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.

I guess I'll go to bed, and put this brain to sleep.

goodnight all.


RunNRose said...

Hi. I emailed you once about a post that I could really empathize with. i didnt know your age, but, from the photo, 8th grade in 1960 means you are a few years behind me. I graduated from high school in 1961.

Here again, I find we have things in common, besides the obvious ones involved in getting older. I have two Yorkies. One is 2 1/2 and the other just turned 3. As it happened, I lost a beloved six year old to cancer. Husband just developing signs of dimentia. I couldnt cope. Our 15 year old Sheba was not happy as an only dog; my heart ached from losing her mate. So I got a puppy. Then the puppy wasnt very happy. The 15 year old tried, but she really couldnt keep up with a puppy. So. Got a playmate for him. Then, Sheba broke her leg, and the vet agreed with putting her to sleep. That's how I ended up with two "babies" who might well outlive me. Like you, I didnt think about that when I was getting them. Maybe I have an advantage, though. Our daughter has two older dogs, She would happily take mine, and my dogs already love her. They run to the gate when I tell them she is coming!

I think the world we grew up in WAS a better one than what we have today. In many ways.

dakotacheryl said...

What a beautifully written post. I am a little younger than you at 64yo, but what I have been thinking of at church when we pray for the departed (I am mentally praying for grandparents, parents, in-laws, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends) is that, when I am gone, there will be no-one left to remember and pray for these wonderful people who made my life so special. I cry just now thinking about them. I know that I will see them again.

Now, on to dogs. My two dogs are 5 and 6 respectively. Odds are good that I will outlive them. The love that our dogs have for us is like none other. I can't go to the bathroom unattended either LOL.

PS I totally agree that the world was a better place in years past. I have a hard time recognizing what it's become...

Unknown said...

In regards to that story bout the couple who raised the baby that was not genetically theirs, I had mixed feelings about it when I heard about it. I was totally dumbfounded that the record-keeping could be so slipshod that the mixup was possible in the first place, especially knowing how many eyes have to agree when do some things in nursing. And while I cannot imagine how they felt when they found out, I was a bit surprised by the trauma that they felt at knowing they spent a year raising the unrelated child. She made a comment about nursing another person's baby for a year, etc, and it hit me that as angry and deceived as I would feel in the same position, I'm not sure I wouldn't still have cherished that baby that I had given birth to. But again, I don't know their anguish at having to use IVF in the first place, so I can't put myself in their shoes.

deodar said...

I totally get it, I'm 68 and my husband died 3-1/2 years ago. After that I streamlined all the legal stuff to make it easier for my bonus kids when I go. I have instructions as to what will happen to any animals I have, currently that's two dogs, two goats, two horses, one mini donkey, six chickens, one duck and one kune kune pig. There are various rescues and retirement farms for the outside animals and to assure they will take them I've included the chosen farms and rescues as beneficiaries. For the dog(s) I have two nieces who I can trust to either take them or find good homes for them. Doing this eased my mind a great deal, I rely on my animals for giving me a purpose to my days, I do not want to be without them just because I'm getting old. As far as the babies, I'm gobsmacked, I truly don't know what to think and yes, at the risk of sounding like a real curmudgeon, the world was a better place without all the meanness and vitriol of today.

Pat said...

I was struck by how much your grandchildren look like you. Strong genes !!!
And I agree that a year would be like cement for me. I wouldn't give my baby up at all but then I hold onto my pets like crazy. My son told me that if I wanted to get another dog, to go ahead and do that. He would take my animals, if necessity dictated it. But By then my dogs would be too old and hopefully miss me. So, I will not get another. Maybe i will be sad, if I am here for another 10 years. I view life as commitments to other creatures. In my Heaven will be all my animals, then I will be happy.

thotlady said...

I love this post. Everything you talked about speaks to me.

Unknown said...

I just turned 60 and these thoughts have been with me too. We lost three dogs in a years time. I adopted those three at different times but they wound up being close in age. So we adopted three more of course! Puppies and young dogs, and I think these will be the last dogs of my life. My husband says "who are you kidding, you'll just adopted old dogs when we're older". Our daughter promises to take any pets left behind, my heart always goes out to the dogs whose owners have died and wind up in rescue.

Though you are a bit older than me, your thoughts often hit similar notes with me. I am always glad to read your blog.


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