Crazy as a Loom

Wednesday, May 8, 2019


It's a good thing that we don't know, when we are young, what pain awaits us in our old age.
Why worry us?   Right?
No, when we are young, we are blessedly oblivious.  If we are healthy, we have occasional bouts of discomfort, from this or that, but we have no idea of the daily pain that accompanies our bodies going south.

We romp around like these two, blissfully ignorant.

In my particular case, most of it is arthritis, inherited from both parents.......and because I have lived a fairly industrious (ok, straight out workaholic like) life, and have expended a great deal of energy doing what I wanted to do, I have arthritis is just about every possible place there is to have it.

I especially have it in my neck, where the surgeons poked and prodded and readjusted me three times.
One thing that the doctors don't tell you,  is that when they fuse your spine, ANYWHERE, that the discs below it get angry and funky and start to become a problem.

Ah, so the gist of all this.    Pain.   Mostly in the morning.  Pure unadulterated neck, my aching back coming right through to my chest,  my hips,  and last, but never least, my ********ing
We don't like to admit to it, do we?   We look around at a restaurant, or in a store, and we see other older people, and they don't seem to have any problems, they don't look like they are in pain.  But then, do we look like we are in pain????   How do we know if they are, or they aren't? 
We don't.

I don't think I am alone in this.   I do think that some of us are unluckier than others......but I do not imagine that I am the only person getting older that hurts like hell.

I started taking the CBD oil at bedtime, because a good friend, who also suffers from arthritis, and fibromyalgia, too, swears by it.
So far, I've taken in for a couple of weeks, and I am not seeing much of a difference in the level of pain in the morning.   However, I am sleeping better than I have ever slept in my entire life.
So there's that.
It may be worth taking, just for that.
And the dreams, by God, they are entertaining........which tells me that usually, I don't sleep deep enough to dream.   Interesting.
With the CBD oil, instead of tossing and turning because my body hurts in every position, I sleep for 5-6 uninterrupted hours, deeply,  before I wake up.

So the good side is this:   after a couple of hours, the heating pad, a cuppa coffee, I start to move around, and eventually, I come alive and the pain eases up, either that, or I just move to some level of stubborn-ess and persistance, where I take over anyway.  That may be more likely.

Then there are days, like yesterday, when an added attraction appears.

Lois and I were finishing up putting a hand dyed warp on the AVL, when the jagged light appeared in my eye.  It lasts for 20 minutes or so, and no matter what I take for the headache, it descends like one of the Game of Thrones dragons, and I am toast.

The rest of the day was pretty much a waste.  I slogged through it.  Seriously, slogged.

So does she have a point here, you ask????

Well, there are articles galore about living your best life as you age, but where is the discussion about living with the weight of daily, depressing pain??????  And to be clear, I don't believe pain meds are the answer.  You can take a truckload of Ibuprofen (Advil), or Naprosyn (Alleve), but then you'll just rot your stomach out.   Narcotic pain meds don't really address arthritic pain, they would just make you so dopey, you didn't give a damn.  Not for me.  Acupuncture doesn't work for it.  I've tried it.   I've tried about everything.

It's no wonder, really, that people of a certain age are perfectly content to say sayonara.  Enough already.

It does bring me back, to that place years ago, when I learned some valuable lessons.

About "one day at a time", about "staying in the day", and mostly, "acceptance is the answer to all my problems today".

And always, I think of those who suffer infinitely worse things than I am, those who face worse things on a daily basis, and I do that old slapyourselfonthesideofyourhead thing, and I tell myself it's time to start practicing gratitude, for what I have.

I am still on my feet.   I can still weave.   I did some outside work the other day without ending up totally crippled.   I can still read, and dream, and write.
I still wake up with inspired thoughts about what I want to do today, I am able to make plans, and implement them.   I don't wear diapers, or need anyone to feed me, or get me moving.

I have a home that I love, family, friends, my best companion ever, that white ball of fluff, Naya.

I am fortunate, still.
I am alive.
I will get through the pain, so help me GOD.

If ever I feel like quitting, I will go see these two.

Case closed.


Peg Cherre said...

You clearly live with more pain than many of us, myself included, and yet you manage to put a positive spin on things. Thank you for that. And that red warp is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!

justjill said...

I get a tad fed up when people say "You are looking well." Do they have x ray eyes? No. Oil of Olay with a hint of sunshine gives me the healthy glow! While my lungs continue to disappear.

Beverley said...

You have just given me the pep talk I needed. I don't have pain like you. I am going deaf. It is now severe and I struggle with the phone and noisy situations. It is lonely and so damn irritating. Thanks for your way of looking at things that are wrong with us, it helped.

Joanne Noragon said...

That straight out workaholic life quite captures it! I came to realize it is self-induced, self inflicted pain. I think of all those days of offloading a show, setting it up, spending two or three days on my feet, tearing the show down (hopefully a lot less), driving home to get ready again. I wonder why I have no knees, shoulders, a crapped out spine. And I always bragged of what good care I took of myself, lift with my knees, not my back. Blablabla. You know it too. So there you have it.
That new warp is beautiful!

Rita said...

Absolutely, positively agree with you. Like my old Swedish relatives used to tell us...if you are ever feeling sorry for yourself just remember that it could always be worse and count your lucky stars.

There are a lot of people out there like us who look fine but are in constant pain. To be on the safe side--knock on wood--I start to count my blessings when I feel really miserable. Don't want it to get any worse--LOL! ;)

Those two little ones are truly over-the-moon blessings. :)

Mary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia La La said...

Well, there's not a lot I can write that would cheer you up. I have always admired your ability to work, work, work. Cook, animals, etc. I'm sorry if your husband is no longer around as you don't speak of him. Such a lot of responsibility with your house, etc. Thinking of you and just wish you better health. xo

Karen said...

Oh I think there are many people out there who look fine but feel awful - not just physically. This darn fibro has me in pain every single step I take. But, I'm not letting it drag me down, life is far too short and this is the only one I get. You may have to slow down, but don't ever give up. You are an amazing person, and those grands need you to stick around for those cherished times together, no matter what you're doing. Do it.

I gotta try that CBD oil! Good sleep would be such a blessing!

hart said...

I have been using the CBD oil and ointment. I cannot say it is working for me on joint pain (nowhere as severe as yours.) Your comments make we think it's responsible for the vivid dreams I've been having lately.

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